When the Stars Align
by Nizhoni
Summary: Clare's a junior and everything finally feels in place. But sooner or later she must once again face the Degrassi whirlwind of friendship, love, betrayal and anger; leading to a pivotal moment when she must make one of the biggest decisions of her life.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello there everyone :) I just want to point out that this story begins from the truck ride home after Nowhere to Run and continues into season 11.5 New Beginnings. It's just my take on the Eli and Clare relationship and how it might progress as the season continues. Warning now...this won't be a short story. I really want to build Eclare up to its former glory which will take some time; but I promise to update regularly. This is my first FanFic so I hope you give it a chance. I truly adore Eclare and am hoping their story line works out in Degrassi. I do not own Degrassi or any of the characters associated with the show. Hope you all enjoy and please review! I would love to hear what you think, any feedback will be much appreciated!**

An hour had gone by since we left the cabin and still no one said a word. I was sandwiched between Jake and Eli in the small cramped space of Jake's truck, forced to suffer through the clearly awkward tension between the two of them. The only sound that could be heard was the soft rumble of the trucks engine and the muddles voices on the radio between each song. I could swear a cricket was chirping somewhere, taunting me. At this point I was beginning to wonder if inviting Eli to ride with us was a good idea. But thinking of him having to bike back, that didn't sit well either. I mean, Eli was the one to find me in the forest and I owed him for that. The last thing I was going to do was drive away, knowing he was going to have to bike home alone. I peered over at Jake; his straight expression solidified my suspicions that he wasn't happy I invited Eli.

_How do you get yourself in these situations Clare?_

I slid my palm against the worn leather of the seat till my fingers found Jakes. He took my hand and I squeezed tightly hoping to comfort him. He glanced my way, giving me a quick reassuring smile that things were fine between us. I felt my nerves loosen a bit, but couldn't help but notice how he didn't squeeze back. I pushed the thought from my mind, trying to focus now on easing the discomfort in the truck. If someone was going to break the silence, it was going to have to be me. It wasn't as if Jake and Eli would go out of their way to make conversation, especially with each other. I sucked in a breath not sure what I would say, but hoping at least for the words to come out in full sentences.

"So last night was pretty crazy," I said to no one in particular. Jake smiled but said nothing. I looked over at Eli who stared plainly out his window as if I didn't speak at all.

_Nice try Clare...but that didn't cut it, not by a long shot. Round two!_

"Eli," I said turning to look at him. "I'm curious why you came down last night."

Eli turned toward me, chuckling a bit. "Edwards, did anyone ever tell you how terrible your attempts at making conversation are?"

"What? I wasn't attempting anything. I was just-

Eli stared into my eyes with a smug and annoying smile. Clearly he could read through my buddy buddy facade. I rolled my eyes at him. "Well someone has to say something or I'm going to go crazy!"

"I think we've already established that I'm the crazy one here...unless of course your trying to steal the belt from me Clare. If so you have a lot of catching up to do." He raised an eyebrow at me in mock challenge, making me smile. I could swear I heard Jake chuckle a bit too.

"But honestly," I began again. Why did you come to the cabin last night? You knew Adam wouldn't be there, and well, you only hang out with Drew when he's around. Everyone else...I've never seen you take any interest."

He paused as if contemplating what to say. "I don't know really. I just thought with my recovery and all, I should start opening my door to new things, and new people. The cabin seemed like a good place to start. I wasn't exactly expecting the whole Axe murder rescue the damsel in distress business though."

"But what kind of party would that be then?" I laughed, meeting Eli's gaze.

"I suppose a safer but less entertaining one."

"We were never really in any danger."

"I guess not, but how's about next time I'll be the damsel and you can come rescue me...it's a lot less work for me that way."

I shook my head laughing. This was the Eli that I missed. Not the possessive intense Eli, but the sweet, sarcastic boy that I fell for, and for the longest time I thought disappeared. I suddenly felt a pit in my stomached and the smile on my face slowly faded. Eli seemed to notice, his joking demeanour was swept away in a second and he turned back to the window without another word. I let a sudden emotion get the best of me and now the moment was gone. I fell back against my seat with a sigh.

Jake glanced at me again and then back to the rode.

"We weren't far away. Drew and I...we would have found you eventually."

"I know," I answered softly. I placed my hand back in his, feeling soothed this time when he squeezed back.

...

I didn't know when I fell asleep but my eyes fluttered open to the twitching gleam of a street lamp outside Eli's house. I blinked a few times forcing myself to sit up. The sun was just beginning to go down, creating a beautiful horizon. I truly loved nights like this, watching as the colors changed from blue to pink to orange and then eventually everything would fade into the darkness, leaving only stars to gaze upon. I didn't even notice the truck was empty right away, the sound of faint voices just behind me snapped me back into reality. I looked around, Jake's door was swung open and the two boys were unloading Eli's bike. There was an awkward exchange of goodbyes and then Eli was striding away. I watched as he discarded his bike against the front steps and disappeared into the house.

"Look who's awake," Jake announced as he walked up the side of the truck and hopped back into his seat.

He shut the door and then leaned down, giving me a quick kiss. "Let's say we get home huh?" He started to turn the key in the ignition and then stopped, giving me a shocked expression.

"Oh man..."

"What?" I asked suddenly worried by his change in mood.

"We're actually living together now." He finished with a wide smile.

I smacked him on the arm and he laughed. "Don't do that," I warned. "And don't forget why we're under this current living situation."

"Let's not think of that right now."

He leaned over again. His lips moved wildly with mine and the warmness of his breath escaped into my mouth. Jake placed a hand to my cheek, wielding me closer to him and I let myself fall into his grasp. The kiss grew wilder and his tongue moved playfully with my own. I don't know how it happened, and I have no reason to explain why it did but for a split second, and it only lasted a second...I thought of Eli. His face pushed its way into my mind and although I pushed it out, he was there for a second too long. I felt myself slowing and then I was breaking our kiss.

I pulled away from Jake, catching my breath. He stared at me; a frown forming on the corner of his lips "Is there something wrong Clare?"

I looked out the window to Eli's house, feeling completely confused. _Why did I just stop Jake from kissing me...it didn't make sense._

"It's nothing." I said, turning back to him with a smile.

I could tell just by the look on his face that he wasn't buying it. "Clare what is it?"

I looked at Eli's closed door again and then back at Jake. "It's just-would you mind terribly if I just said bye to Eli really quick?"

"You stopped our kiss to say bye to your ex," he heaved, turning away from me in frustration. Jake gripped the wheel tightly. "I thought we settled all this back at the cabin...me and Ally, you and Eli?"

"You know it's not like that. I just want to thank him for last night."

"Wasn't that little playful banter between you two earlier thanks enough?"

"Hey," I said gently. I placed a hand on his cheek, turning his face toward mine. "I love you, there's nothing to worry about."

"I know, it's just I'm your boyfriend. I have a right to worry sometimes."

I laughed, pecking him on the lips and climbed out of the truck

"You know this jealousy thing is kind of cute on you." I said flirtatiously.

"Just go do what you got to do Clare bear. I'm right here waiting."

I smiled, shutting the door and turned toward Eli's house.

...

As I walked up the driveway to the Goldsworthy residence I felt a sudden wave of anxiety and more deeply anticipation. What was I doing? I had no reason to be here. I looked back to Jake's truck, idling on the side of the road. There was still time for me to turn back if I wanted. The last time I had been to Eli's place was a few days before the incident with Morty, before things started to go downhill between us. I really didn't think I would come here again and the thought saddened me. What if Cece and Bullfrog didn't even want me to speak to their son? Eli was just in the beginning stages of his recovery and any contact with me might just spiral him into another emotional breakdown. They might even hate me for everything he went through last year, maybe despite everything Eli hated me. After what happened in the truck I wasn't sure what was going on between us.

I walked up the steps to his front door, frozen with my fist in the air to knock. I was seriously considering how fast I could make it back to Jake's truck unseen when the door suddenly swung open, startling me. Bull frog stood in the doorway. Despite the man's large and intimidating exterior he still had two of the kindest eye I had ever seen. He looked down at me with a surprised expression and then a wide smile formed on is lips.

"Well hello there Clarebelle!"

"Bull frog!" I said, catching my breath. "I was just-uh; I wanted to talk to Eli if that was alright with you?"

"Should it not be?"

"No! I mean yes! I mean...with everything, I didn't know if you wanted-

He smiled at me kindly and immediately I felt stupid for ever doubting Eli's parents. They were two of the kindest people I'd ever met. How could I have ever thought they would turn me away, let alone anyone who needed help away?

"Sorry I startled you. But I was just heading out to do the night shift for the radio show. Eli's just in his room, if you want to head up there."

I swallowed, _Eli-in his room. This was a bad idea. _"Maybe I'll just come back another time."

"Clare it's alright. Eli's doing a lot better now, he can handle this."

Maybe Eli could handle this but what if I couldn't. "Okay thanks Bullfrog." I gave him a weary smile before turning to enter the house.

"Oh and Clare-

I turned back to Bullfrog. "Word to the wise, be prepared for a very warm welcome from Cece. He chuckled, "The woman is to loving for her own good."

I nodded and the large man smiled once more, before retreating to his car.

I entered the house and quietly shut the door behind me. Immediately I headed for the stairs, hoping to avoid Cece if she was in the kitchen. I really did love Eli's mom but seeing Bullfrog had spurred more memories then I had hoped for already.

I followed the long stretch of hall till I reached Eli's room. The familiar skull doorknob was no longer bound by a lock; of course I didn't expect it to be, not since Eli's recovery. I looked down the hall again. I could turn back, there was nothing stopping me and the only person who knew I was here was Bull frog. If he told Eli I could just make up something at school about why I was there in the first place. I sighed. Who was I trying to kid.

I raised my fist about to knock and the door swung open.

"Really!" I gasped with a start. I placed a hand on my heart, needing to catch my breath.

_Why did that keep happening?_

Eli stood in the doorway staring at me. He looked surprised but more amused at my almost heart attack.

"Clare?"

"Hey," I said. I wanted to speak to Eli but now that he was standing before me, what did I really have to say?

"What are you doing here?"

_Good question_. "I just-

_Jeeze! why was this so hard, maybe because I didn't have the slightest clue what I was doing here._

"I didn't say bye."

He nodded but there was clear confusion still etched on his face. "Do you want to come in?"

He leaned to the side to make space for me to step into the room.

"Sure," I said. I forced myself to move slowly into his bedroom. I looked around, taking in the familiar characteristics of Eli. The Dead Hand Poster above his bed, the stereo system with scattered CD's all over his desk, the large bookcase overflowing with literature. This room was once a huge obstacle in our relationship. It was one of the many things we went through as a couple, when I helped him get over the hording. I felt a pit form in my stomach...I missed this room.

"You don't have to stand there awkwardly Edwards. You can sit down." Eli laughed behind me.

I turned, suddenly aware of how close he was standing. He took a step forward and for an instant my heart jumped but he simply walked passed and took a seat on the edge of his bed.

I crossed my arms and looked down at him. For some reason the idea of sitting beside Eli on a bed that we had spend many hours making out on didn't seem like a good idea. Instead I pulled out the chair from his desk and sat across from him.

"So you didn't say bye?" he asked.

"That. And I never got to tell you thank you."

"For what?"

"For finding me in the forest back at the cabin."

He didn't seem to know what to say because he looked down at his hands, allowing some minutes to pass by without a word. I really hated silences, there had to be something we could talk about.

"The room looks good." I blurted out. Mentally I was slapping myself_. That was stupid Clare_.

He laughed, looking up. "You've seen my room clean before Clare."

"I know but something seems different."

"Different?"

"More you," I clarified. It was true, there was a new energy in the room and it mirrored the positive energy Eli now possessed. He no longer had the usual hard edge to his face, it was replaced by something much softer and more at ease.

He nodded. "I guess that makes sense. Before this room felt like a prison, now that I'm finally beginning to find myself again, I guess the atmosphere in here has changed as well."

"I'm glad." I said with a smile.

Eli smirked, and I felt myself immediately soften at his crooked features. I really did miss his smirk.

"How's treatment going?"

"Good. Dr. Jordan put me on these new meds." He reached into his pocket, pulling out a small yellow vile. He tossed it to me and I caught it, inspecting the label. "They still allow me to feel all emotions, but help me to suppress my negative ones a lot better."

"Cipralex" I read aloud. "So they're working for you then?"

"Seem to be. The meds aren't a sure thing though so I still need to go to therapy but it's a lot less frequently now." There was another silence between us and I began to search my mind for anything to talk about.

"Clare..." The change in his tone caught me off guard and I looked up to see a sudden intensity in Eli. Not a terrifying intensity but one I still didn't understand. "There's something I should tell you."

I never knew how to prepare myself for Eli's sudden mood changes but I found myself not wanting to run this time. I was grounded to my seat, unable to turn away from him.

"I'd be lying if I told you what I said back in Jake's truck was completely true."

"Excuse me?"

"I meant what I said about opening up to other people, but that wasn't the only reason. I think deep down, I came because I thought you would be there."

"Eli stop-

"After my medical vacation I made this list."

"Eli-I tried again.

"Please just let me get this out. I made this list of people I needed to apologize to. I thought when I made things right between you and Jake that I also made things right between us but I never did...not really." He paused. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really am sorry Clare, for everything I put you through last year. That person...that wasn't me, I hated that Eli."

I wiped a tear from my cheek with the back of my hand. Up until that moment I didn't even realize I was crying. "Why are you telling me this now?" I asked.

"Because I needed too."

I stood from the chair. Eli watched as I moved closer and took a seat beside him on the bed.

"I'm sorry to Eli. I didn't always handle things in the best way during our break up. I made you a promise I couldn't keep and it was unfair of me."

He chuckled quietly to himself. "I guess when two people love each other as much as we did; things were bound to go wrong somewhere. Don't all the best romances end tragically?"

I laughed. For the first time in a long time I had hope that things between Eli and I could finally be good again. The both of us were growing up but that didn't mean we necessarily had to grow apart.

"I'm glad Jake can be to you what I couldn't."

Jake. The sound of his name suddenly snapped me back. He had been waiting outside for at least twenty minutes.

I stood quickly, almost knocking Eli off the bed.

"Oh gosh sorry!"

He laughed bracing himself again. "Take it easy there Edwards you're a wreck." He smiled up at me. "You need to go?"

"Ya I do." I said, trying to ignore the sudden sadness I felt at leaving.

He nodded, standing. "I'll walk you to the door."

"Eli you don't have to-

"I want to." He interrupted with a smirk. We walked down the stairs in silence. I paused in the foyer and turned toward him. Immediately the words of goodbye froze in my mouth and I stood unspeaking, staring into Eli's green eyes. We stood there for a few minutes, a comfortable silence between us. That is until a powerful and high pitched scream echoed through Eli's house and startled us both back to our senses.

"Clare!"

We turned to see Cece walking out of the kitchen, sporting an "I love Rock n Rolls" apron. I laughed, entering the hug she held out to me with her open arms.

"Oh God honey! We haven't seen you here in a while. Up in Eli's room...should I be worried? She asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Mom," Eli warned.

I laughed at Cece's prying nature. She was always so immersed in her son's love life.

"Oh shush honey," she said waving a hand dismissively at him.

"You're staying for dinner I hope. I know it's a bit late but I just had this inkling to cook something and well here we are almost nine and mamas hungry!"

Eli rubbed his face. "Mom please-

Cece laughed. "Baby boy every child has embarrassing parents, at least your father and I are cool."

I looked over at Eli with a wide smile.

"Oh I missed you honey." Cece grabbed my arm, yanking me into an even tighter hug. "Please say you'll stay."

"I wish I could but my-I paused. There was no reason I couldn't say my boyfriend in front of Cece but for some reason I stopped myself. "I have a friend waiting outside." I looked at Eli, who by the expression on his face had noticed my hesitation.

The wide smile on Cece's face faltered just slightly. "Oh, well okay honey. Come back anytime though. It was so good to see you Clare." She put a hand gently on my shoulder.

"You too," I said. She gave me a wink and squeezed Eli's arm before heading back to the kitchen.

"Sorry about that," Eli smiled, shaking his head.

"Don't be. I love your parents."

"And they love you. Especially Cece, she misses having another female around the house. I think the testosterone overload get's to her some times."

I smiled, catching a glimpse of Cece dancing in the kitchen over Eli's shoulder. It made me sad how much I missed her crazy, outgoing nature.

"I should go." I said to Eli.

Eli nodded. I turned to the door and he reached over me to pull it open. He was close enough that I could feel the light pressure of his chest against my back and his breath as it rolled down my neck. My heart started to be a little faster at the sensation and I forced myself to remember that Jake was still outside in the truck.

As soon as the door had opened, I gave Eli a quick goodbye and raced down the front steps. I just needed to make it back to the truck in one piece without looking back.

"Clare!"

_Shoot so close. _

I turned to see Eli striding down the lot toward me.

"Ya?" I asked as he walked closer, closing the final steps between us.

"You didn't need to say thank you" he smiled.

"I don't understand?"

"For finding you before," He clarified. "You didn't need to say thank you. He paused, looking at his feet and then back up at me. "I'll always find you Clare. You ever need me and I'll find you."

I swallowed unsure what to say. Eli's remark had caught me off guard as did almost everything he did. Why was he always so completely unpredictable? It wasn't that I was afraid of his comment, I was more afraid with how it made me feel and how my cheeks flushed bright red when he said it. So what was I going to do now? There were so many things I could have said to him but only seven words seemed to make sense in that instant.

"So I guess I'll see you around?" I smiled.

They were the first words I had ever said to him at Degrassi and a moment of recognition passed between the two of us.

"Guess you will." He answered with a smirk. I watched as his figure turned and strode back to his house, leaving me standing alone under the gleam of that twitching streetlamp.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: New Beginnings

**A/N Hello Again! Well here's the second chapter, sorry if it's a bit long but I just couldn't stop writing :) Thank you all for the kind reviews on the first Chapter and I hope you like this one just as much! Just one thing to point out, I know Fiona is not on student council, but I really wanted her to make an appearance so she is in my story. Anyways enjoy and please keep the reviews coming! Oh and too Rock-Creek...its lady haha!**

I honestly thought that being junior meant I'd be over the whole first day jitter thing; or rather I hoped I would be. Sadly, for me that was not the case. I still woke up with the same pit of nervousness in my stomach, uncertain of what to expect for the next ten months of my life. Maybe it was Degrassi itself that terrified me. I mean, looking back; my track record wasn't the best. Between the cheating boyfriend and vicious Jenna rumours, not to mention my constant rollercoaster of a relationship with Eli, I was surprised to still possess the ability to walk in those halls. The insufferable country music being forced into my brain by Jakes radio wasn't helping the situation much either. Casually I reached over and lowered the volume, hoping he wouldn't notice. Since Jake and Glen moved in, I was now being subjected to the torture almost every day. The last thing I needed was the poetic words of Luke Bryan following me to class.

I took a breath, seeing as the school slowly came into focus. The truck jolted slightly as Jake pulled into the parking lot and I placed a hand on the dashboard steadying myself. With little effort he swerved the truck into an empty space and cut the engine. Anxiously I began to tug on my red uniform as I read the words posted on the outdoor bulletin board, "WELCOME BACK STUDENTS TO A NEW YEAR AT DEGRASSI!" The message was not at all comforting. I shifted my focus instead, to the herd of familiar and new faces entering the school. The yellow uniforms, the freshman, looked so small and terrified. With good reason, they had no idea what they were stepping into.

"Well better get this over with," Jake announced, pulling me from my worried thoughts with a confident smile. He turned, starting to get out of the truck and I placed a hand on his wrist stopping him.

"Clare what's the mat-

"Just one minute okay?" I said, not quite ready to head inside yet. My eyes shifted to the empty spot on the steps where Ally and I always met. I swallowed, feeling a deeper pit of nervousness form inside me. As angry as I was, I couldn't fathom starting the year off without her. Especially since most of my mornings last year were spent getting ready to the sound of her bubbly voice on speaker phone. To say I felt uneasy when the call never came this morning was putting it lightly and I tried hard to ignore the air of uneasiness that surrounded me.

_Easier said than done Clare?_

"Clare..."

"Hmmm." I said, my eyes still glued on the front steps.

"We need to head inside now."

I turned toward Jake. He smiled at me softly and immediately I felt my mood warm in return.

"Okay." I nodded and we stepped out of the truck.

Jake took my hand as we walked up the steps into the school. I never could get used to the chaotic excitement of Degrassi on the first day. There was an entire crowd of students, shuffling outside the main office to check homerooms. The rest of the hallways were filled with the howls and screams of students reuniting with their friends after the break. My mouth dropped as one girl zoomed past Jake and I. Her speed so quick, my hair actually ruffled in the wind of her exit.

Jake laughed at my astonished face, and I turned toward him glaring.

"Excuse me, but your girlfriend almost gets run over and you just stand there and laugh?"

"I'm sorry." He chuckled. "Children these days, they just forget their manners." He deepened his voice, placing two hands on his hips. "I think that girl needs a stern lesson on hallway safety."

I rolled my eyes. "How are we supposed to get through that?" I said, gesturing toward the dangerously heavy crowd of students by the office.

"We split up. I take left, you take right."

I nodded and we made our way over. I glanced at Jake once more and he gave me quick thumbs up before disappearing into the crowd. It was amazing how confident he could be, even in the most dangerous situations. I took a breath, and pushed my way through till I found the list. Quickly I scrolled down the names and a smile peaked on my lips. I had Media Immersions with Mrs. Oh. The class wasn't my favourite but Mrs. Oh was a great teacher and being so young, she had a way of relating well to her students.

"Clare!" Jake called over the crowd. I jumped, following his voice back out into the open hall.

He smiled when he saw me, walking over. "Jeeze! I thought I lost you in there. Can you believe some kid actually elbowed me for making it to the list before he did? I don't think I'll ever get used to rude Torontonians."

I nudged him with my elbow playfully. "What homeroom do you have?"

"Mrs. Chen," He groaned. "I think the woman has a vendetta against me. She gave me six detentions last year alone."

"Oh and I'm sure it has nothing to do with your constant lateness in her class?"

"I wasn't late; everyone else was just too early." The bell rang then and the crowds slowly began to disperse.

"Come on." I laughed, taking Jake's hand and tugging him down the hall. "Don't want you getting a detention on the first day."

We walked to his classroom and Jake paused, leaning his shoulder on the doorway. "You going to be okay?" he asked.

"Martin, I've been in this school much longer then you have. I think I know my way around."

He chuckled. "I know but you just seemed a little-

"Mr. Martin, can I expect you to take a seat anytime soon, before the bell preferably?"

Jake closed his eyes, sighing in frustration. I looked over his shoulder to see Mrs. Chen; her arms crossed giving his back a pointed look. I laughed, shaking my head.

"I'll be just fine." I said, leaning up to kiss him. He smiled as he pulled back and quietly took his seat.

...

I had to run to make it to Mrs. Oh's class on time. The bell rang, just as I rushed into the room panting.

"Clare can you take a seat please." Mrs. Oh urged, ready to start.

I nodded, pretending not to hear the snickers of my classmates as I scanned the room. My stomach dropped when I noticed the empty computer beside Ally. She looked up at me and smiled wearily. Quickly I looked away and around the room again, hoping desperately for any place else to sit. Thankfully there was one last seat beside Wesley. I smiled at him and made my way over, keeping my head down to avoid any eye contact with Ally.

"Hey." He greeted me as I pulled up an exercise ball and took a seat beside him.

"Hey Wes, how was your summer."

"Okay I guess. My parents sent me to computer camp for most of it. So I guess you can say I'm all pumped for this class."

"Sounds like fun."

"Not really," he laughed. "How come you're not sitting with Ally?"

I sighed. I was hoping to avoid this question but clearly that was impossible. Ally and I were always inseparable on the first day; I couldn't blame Wes for simply being observant.

"We're not really on speaking terms right now Wes."

"Ohhh," He answered. There was hint of curiosity to his tone but he didn't push the subject and I was grateful not to talk about it.

"Welcome class!" Mrs. Oh smiled from the front of the classroom. I was happy that she was finally starting; too take away from the awkward silence that had ensued between Wes and me.

"As you know, Degrassi has had its fair share of mishaps in the past. But it's a New Year and with a New Year comes new beginnings. We are confident that both the staff and students will work hard together to make this year a safe and exciting one for everyone here at Degrassi. You all have been here long enough to understand the dress code policy..."

I rested my chin on my elbow and began to doodle in my notebook as Miss. Oh gave everyone the yearly teacher speech. It was funny how teachers felt the need to constantly nail into our brains what we've known for years.

"All I have to say is, let's make this year a good one." Mrs. O finished. She turned and walked to her desk, picking up a large pile of papers. Slowly she made her way around the room handing them out. I watched as students compared the sheets with their friends and realized she was handing out the schedules for the semester.

Clare she said, handing a schedule to me. I smiled taking the page from her. "Thanks Mrs. Oh"

She continued to move about the classroom with the remainder of the pages.

I looked at my schedule, and the nervous feeling that had disappeared just moments ago, slowly peaked its way back into my body. My eyes widened as they landed on my next class, advanced Grade 12 English. I knew Mrs. Dawes only taught one class for AP senior English which meant, without a doubt I would share this class with Eli. Of course I came to this conclusion before, but seeing it in now on paper, made the situation all too real. Sure things seemed to be okay between Eli and me, but I hadn't talked to him since that night after the cabin. That was almost a week ago. Had anything really changed? We probably would just go back to ignoring each other's existence or at the least remain civil with one another. The last thing I wanted though was another repeat of last year and I didn't see any reason why Eli and I couldn't try to be friends. The rest of Miss. Oh's words slowly began to blur in my mind, no longer seeming to be of any importance. The clock ticked by in an agonizingly slow motion till finally the bell rang dismissing class.

Hurriedly I grabbed my bag and made my way out. Unfortunately my timing wasn't the best, because Ally and I made it to the door at the same time. We stood awkwardly, staring at one another. She flashed me a miserable expression, probably hoping I would talk to her and I felt my stomach sink for a second. But that's just how long it lasted...a second. Almost immediately my anger at her betrayal clouded my mind and I did what anyone else in my situation would do. I walked past her and out the door without so much as another glance.

...

I groaned, yanking on my locker in frustration. Despite my many attempts to pry it open, the damn thing stubbornly chose to remain shut.

With a sigh I took hold of the handle in both hands. "Come on!" I yelled, pulling furiously. I stopped, catching my breath for a second and started yanking again. "Gurrrrrrg!"

"Two months without a decent education and you've already lost the ability to compose proper vocabulary."

I huffed, going limp and leaned my forehead on the locker for support.

"It won't open."

Adam laughed walking over. "Let me try."

I turned my head to face him with a frown. "I suppose you have a magic wand in that bag Mr. Torres?"

"Who needs a magic wand when you have the magic touch?" He smiled, rubbing his palms together.

I laughed, pushing off the locker. "Go for it. But I'm telling you the thing won't open. I'm probably going to have to go to the office and be assigned to a new locker-

"Oh ye of little faith." Adam interrupted, walking around me. He rubbed his palms together once more, eyeing the locker quizzically. Before I had time to mock his Zen pose, he kicked the locker directly in its centre. A loud clang echoed through the hall's causing people to glance in our direction.

"Very ingenious." I said sarcastically.

"I tried." He shrugged.

There was a shrill creek and both our eyes darted to the locker. We watched as the hinges squeaked once more and the door opened slowly.

"H-how did you know that would work?"

He laughed, scratching his head. "Seriously, I actually had no idea. Guess I really do have the magic touch."

_Can't argue with results_

I bent down and began to unload my bag.

"Can I see your schedule? "Adam asked, leaning on the locker beside mine. I handed him the page and he pulled out his own, examining them together.

"Do we have any classes together?"

"Just English and Bio but that's it."

I smiled; glad I wouldn't have to face Eli alone. "Great!" I answered with enthusiasm. I yanked back my schedule and placed it in a side pocket of my bag. "Let's go I don't want to be late."

Adam raised an eyebrow at me. "Clare, you do realize who else will be in English with us right?"

I rolled my eyes, beginning to walk down the hall. "I'm a big girl Adam; I think I can handle a subtle hour and a half of Eli Goldsworthy a day."

"Okay whatever you say." Adam answered, holding his hands up in defence.

We walked to class, making comfortable conversation along the way. Since his "mishap" at prom, Adam was confined to wear a sling most of the summer. Now that it was finally off, he couldn't seem to stop talking about how well his arm was doing lately.

"Seriously Clare it feels so good, like you don't even know." Adam repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time.

We walked into class and immediately I stopped in my tracks as my eyes landed on the figure at the back of the room. My mouth went dry, stifling the laugh in my throat. Eli was sitting in his usual spot, colouring his nails with a black Sharpie. For a moment I had a recollection of this exact scene from last year, only with me in the seat behind him. Almost instinctively Eli looked up to the sound of Adam voice, which still seemed to be talking about his arm. He smiled at his friend and then his gaze drifted to me.

I swallowed as Eli stared into my eyes, becoming lost in his green orbs. He had a way of doing that, leaving me completely dumbfounded and without words. Eli smirked at me and I smiled in return, feeling the nervousness slowly disintegrate.

"Excuse me? Earth to Clare, are you going to sit down?"

I shook my head, regaining my thoughts. "Umm ya," I said forcing my feet forward. I looked around the room, noticing plenty of empty seats, including the one behind Eli.

_You said you wanted to be friends, Couldn't friends sit together?_

I knew it was probably not a good idea, but I found myself walking over to my old place in the classroom. Eli seemed surprised, and he straightened up a bit as I walked past.

Adam gave Eli a knuckle punch and slid into the seat beside me.

I sat awkwardly with my hands crossed on top the desk, praying for Mrs. Dawes to make an appearance soon. It would take some time to get used to this friend thing and of course it would take one of us having to talk to the other. Which was hard when neither of us knew what to say? Eli cleared his throat, which seemed to be about the only verbal contribution he would give.

"So am I missing something here?" Adam asked, eyeing the two of us. I looked over, horrified by his question. "Since when are you two on such good terms?"

Eli laughed in response, turning to face us. His elbow rested on the edge of my desk and I suppressed the urge to reach out and touch him; something I had done so many times the year before. Suddenly I remembered when he would reach his arm under my desk as Mrs. Dawes taught her lesson. He would tickle my knee in an attempt to make me laugh and it always worked. Of course he never got caught; he was much too stealthy for that. He simply would stare straight with his smug and annoying smirk as I suppressed the urge to laugh out loud. Sometimes I would catch his hand, but he never pulled away. He always left his fingers intertwined with my own and for the rest of class we would just sit there, holding hands underneath my desk to the annoyed gagging sounds of Adam beside us.

Eli glanced at me and smiled. "I don't know, what do you think Clare?" He asked, turning Adam's question on me alone. I swallowed_. How was that fair._ It was like he wanted to hear my answer and I began to skim my minds for the right words.

"Eli and I understand each other now..." I began.

The two boys frowned, waiting for more explanation. Even Eli seemed to be disappointed by my response. _Guess those weren't the right words then. You can do better than that Clare._

"We-

Fortunately I was rescued as Mrs. Dawes entered the classroom. I breathed, falling back against my seat in relief.

"Good Morning my supple little brains! All ready for learning and exploration?" Mrs. Dawes bellowed as she walked to the front. She turned on her heals and took a seat on her desk.

"I hope you all understand what great expectations I'm expecting for this course. Your seniors now people, which means my standards are much higher. I really want you all to tap into your inner writer and really bring something worthwhile out this year. No fluff." She paused dramatically for a few seconds, her eyes scanning the room.

"Similar to Grade 11 AP, I'm going to ask that you form groups with a writing partner of your choice. Choose carefully my friends, because once your partner is chosen, they are your partner for the remainder of the year. No exceptions."

By the time Mrs. Dawes had finished her sentence I already promised myself that any partnership with Eli was a bad idea. Just because we were trying to remain civil, didn't mean I was ready for a semester long partnership and all the extra quality time it entailed. I stood, starting to look for other potential candidates. Adam would be with Eli, so he was out of the question. I was about to ask a girl sitting at the front of the classroom if she wanted to partner up when Mrs. Dawes appeared before Eli and me.

"Miss. Edwards, Mr. Goldsworthy, I am so excited to have you both in my classroom once more. Can I expect great things from my dream team?"

"What no!" I began to object. How did I not anticipate this? Of course Mrs. Dawes would assume that her two best students would be partners.

"Well I guess that depends on Clare." Eli answered. The two of them stared at me expectantly, Mrs. Dawes with excitement and Eli with what seemed to be curiosity. I looked between them, desperately searching for an out, but knowing full well there was none.

"I mean...yes of course Mrs. Dawes." I finished in defeat.

In the corner of my eye I could see the sly smirk on Eli's face and suppressed the urge to slap it off.

"Wonderful!" Mrs Dawes exclaimed, clapping her hands together in satisfaction. "I cannot wait for your first piece."

"Neither can I," I answered, rather unconvincingly. She retreated to the front once more and I slumped in my seat, grumpily crossing my arms.

"You'd think you smelled or something, eh Eli?" Adam laughed.

"But I took a shower last week promise!" Eli answered, placing a hand to his heart.

"You guys are idiots." I said, rolling my eyes at their absurdity.

Adam laughed once more before standing to find a partner and leaving us alone.

We sat in silence for a few seconds before Eli finally turned to face me. "So can we agree that as hard as I might be to resist, it's probably best if we keep this partnership on a strictly professional basis this year?"

I felt my cheeks heat up a little with embarrassment, but seeing the joking demeanour on Eli's face I couldn't help but laugh. "I guess I can handle that."

Eli smiled at me and I looked at him, suddenly serious. "You're sure about this?" I asked, "Even after everything that happened last year, you really want to partner up again?"

He had to be as terrified as I was.

"What I want Clare, is to move forward. Maybe the fact that Dawes placed us together a second time can be a good thing."

"So you think we can do this."

"Well we seem to be doing just fine right now."

I didn't answer and he sighed, seeing the doubt in my eyes. "Come on Clare, a lot has changed over the summer." He nudged my palm with his own, smiling at me warmly. "I thought we were done being enemies. I'm tired of it, aren't you?"

I smiled, happy that Eli could fill me with such surety. "Exhausted."

"Great! Well then let's start again. He leaned closer to me. "Eli Goldsworthy." He smiled holding his hand out for me to shake. "Or crazy emo kid as some might refer to me. I prefer bipolar, misunderstood, god of alternative rock music though."

I laughed, taking his hand. "Clare Edwards. Faithful good Samaritan of Degrassi high"

"Well it's nice to meet you Clare."

...

It's funny how easy it was to pick up mine and Eli's relationship where it left off. Eli was back to his smug, but charming self and it felt good to be speaking and laughing with him again so naturally. Of course the painful sting of our past hadn't disappeared completely, but as hard as it might be, the two of us were at least trying and that was worth something. Adam seemed overjoyed as well. I caught him glancing at us every so often with a wide smile on his face. I couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for him over the past couple months; having to split time between his two best friends. I'm sure he was more than enthusiastic that things appeared to be somewhat reverting back to normal. Before I knew it the bell rang, and I was actually disappointed that class had to end so quickly.

"I think I might be in love." Adam said walking over to us. He turned; glancing at the girl he had paired with and smiled. "Her name's Hannah and she's new here, which means she has no idea about my situation."

Eli and I frowned.

"Trust me man, lying is never a good way to start any relationship." Eli said, picking his bag off the floor and throwing it over his shoulder.

I glanced at Eli, wondering if he was referring to our relationship as reference.

"I'm not lying. This is what I am; besides we're just English partners. That doesn't require me to have to give her my whole life story." Adam said annoyed.

Eli looked at me and I shook my head, telling him to let it go. He did, instead patting Adam on the shoulder.

"Well did you get her number then?" he asked with a smile.

Adam laughed, pulling out a paper and showing it to us. "Hell ya! And email! They're only meant to be used for English purposes, but hey it's better than nothing," he said as we walked out together.

The halls were filling with kids on their way to lunch and I wondered if Jake texted. I pulled out my phone and checked if I received any new messages. There were two, one from my mom asking me how the first day was going. I typed a quick "it going great" and sent the message to her.

The other was from Jake. "Can't make lunch today, got something I need to do Sorry! Will see you after school!"

I frowned at the message. _What could he possibly be doing on the first day back?_ I was still looking at my phone when Adam called my name. "Clare!"

I snapped the phone shut and turned toward him and Eli.

"What are you doing?"

"I was just checking my messages."

"You're stopping traffic."

I looked around and of course he was right. I was standing motionless in the middle of the hall, receiving many annoyed glares from the people who had to manoeuvre around me.

"Oh, whoops," I laughed, walking over to them.

"So where's Jake?" Eli asked. I looked at him, surprised to see no hidden snide to his question, he was being genuine.

"He's busy this lunch," I frowned, placing the phone back in my pocket.

Eli nodded, "Well why you don't join us then. I think it might be a little easier to keep my food down having someone else suffer through the barbarianism that is Adam Torris eating lunch. Maybe with you here, he could try getting the food in his mouth for once. Eli laughed, receiving a death glare from Adam. "Unless of course you have other plans?" he finished.

We stopped walking just outside the cafeteria, and the two boys waited for an answer. I peeked inside, realizing that Adam and Eli were pretty much my only friends besides Jake at this point. Turning down lunch with them would be downright idiotic. Not to mention that I was having fun with it just being the three of us again. Being away from this for so long made me realize just how much I missed the misfits.

"That sounds like fun."

Eli's smile widened and Adam seemed to be more then pleased with the situation. He threw an arm over my shoulder and the other over Eli's.

"Great!" he yelled happily. "Let's eat, and I'll try to keep my manners intact for the lady." He said, shooting Eli with another cold glare.

We started to walk into the caf and a shrill feminine voice rang out behind us. "Eli!"

The three of us turned, to see a tall dark haired Fiona Coin running toward us, her heals clicking loudly. Even with the plain blue uniform, she still had a way of looking glamorous.

Eli laughed as she made her way over. "Hey Fi, how's it-?"

"No time for talk! I need your help!"

"Fi we've been over this many times before, sexual favours isn't my style."

"In your dreams Goldsworthy, but I'm being serious. I need your help NOW!"

Eli's face suddenly filled with concern. "Ya of course, what do you need?"

She grabbed his hand and began running down the hall.

Adam looked at me in confusion "What was that about?"

I shrugged and we quickly followed after them. She pulled Eli into the elections room with me and Adam staggering in behind. Immediately we were greeted by a crowd of girls, hooting and clapping loudly at a boy on stage. Some were even waving their wallets as music blared from the loud speakers and he danced provocatively.

Beside the stage stood a line of seniors, including one I recognized in particular...Jake.

"What's going on?" Adam asked Fiona, eyeing the crowd of screaming girls.

"Remember the bachelor's auction last year, well kind of the same thing, only now it's a senior's auction. Only problem is not enough candidates signed up." She looked at Eli hopefully.

Eli's eyes suddenly widened in horror as he realized exactly the kind of "help" Fiona needed. Beside him, Adam began to crack up and I pierced my lips to hide the amused smile I knew was beginning to form.

"No! No way!" Eli yelled, shaking his head. "There is no way you're getting me on that stage. No!" He turned to run and Adam and I caught his arms before he could get away.

"I'm not afraid to hurt you two!" He glared, attempting to yank free. "This is false imprisonment!"

"Man quit being so dramatic, you're a catch. The ladies will be dyeing to rip those clothes off."

"Shut up Adam." Eli snapped.

Unable to help it, my shoulders began to shake with laughter. I snorted loudly and quickly placed a hand over my mouth to stop myself; but seeing Eli's miserable expression only seemed to bring on another uncontrollable fit.

"Laugh it up Edwards, laugh it up. Trust me I'll get you back for this."

"Oh I don't think you will." I chuckled.

Realizing that escape was impossible, Eli sighed, turning back to Fiona.

"I can't believe your making me do this," he groaned.

She flashed him with wide puppy dog eyes. "Being my friend I thought you'd be a little more enthusiastic to help me out."

"Those evil things don't work on me...friend."

"Just keep that smouldering look on your face and you'll do just fine! And please don't count on your girlfriend bailing you out, because she's not allowed to bid."

I swallowed, feeling my cheeks burning hot with embarrassment. Did Fiona really just call me Eli's girlfriend? I thought everyone knew about our situation by now. Especially the girl who directed the play Eli based on our relationship. I was about to correct her when Eli spoke before me.

"Imogen's still on vacation with her Dad, she won't be back till next week."

He said it so easily not even glancing at me once. I looked over at him in surprise. Fiona wasn't talking about me at all, she was talking about Imogen. They were dating now? I shook my head, trying to comprehend what had just happened. So Eli wasn't lying when he said a lot of things had changed this summer, his relationship with Imogen being one of them. It always seemed so one sided between them, I never thought Eli felt the same way. My cheeks began to burn with a much different sensation.

_How come he never mentioned this?_ I mean he had plenty of opportunity, after the cabin, in class. It annoyed me that this is the way I was finding out.

"Okay let's get you dressed! Fiona said, taking Eli's hand in excitement and pulling me from my thoughts.

"Dressed but I-

"Shut up Goldsworthy, and let me do all the work please!" Eli gave us a terrified look as she led him away, leaving Adam and me alone.

I sighed, watching them go. Why was I so bothered? I mean, isn't this what I wanted all of last year, for him to finally move on and for both of us to go our separate ways. Still I couldn't help but feel upset at the idea of him and Imogen together. As hard as I tried, I just couldn't seem to like the girl and the fact that she had planted prescription drugs in my locker didn't do well to help her case. I breathed, looking over to Jake who stood confidently in line waiting for his turn on stage and felt my mood soften. I had someone who truly cared for me and who I cared for with all my heart, but I was thinking about Eli. What was wrong with me?

I reached into my pocket, pulling out my phone and typed a quick message. "So these are your lunch plans?"

I sent the text and waited for him to receive it. Jake looked down to his pocket, pulling out his phone. He laughed as he read the message and then started to scan the crowd till his eyes linked with mine.

I smiled, waving at him and he winked. I was happy with Jake and I loved him; the least I could do was try to be happy for Eli as well.

"So are we staying for the rest of the show?" Adam asked. I nodded and we walked closer to the stage to get a better view.

"I wonder what costume Fiona's going to put him in."

Costume? I looked at the other guys up for bid and realized what Adam was referring to. Each one of them had a special outfit to match their personality. Drew had on his basketball uniform, twirling the ball on one finger. Jake was wearing a red and black plad shirt and holding a rubber axe. He looked like a true woodsman. Based on Eli's personality there was no telling what Fiona had in store for him.

"This is going to be interesting." I laughed.

...

The auction seemed to be going off with huge success. Drew was in first with an impressive hundred and ten to his name. No surprise there. Jake was in close second with eighty-five. Watching, I realized just how much effort Fiona had put into this event. Just like the costumes, she even had individual music picked out for each of the guys. Lunch was almost over and I wondered if Eli might have secretly backed out of the auction when Fiona announced the final bid.

"Alright ladies, now I know you've saved some money in your wallet for our last senior. He dark and dangerous...

"Oh brother," Adam rolled his eyes beside me.

"He's a bad boy that can't be tamed." I smiled, loving how much Fiona was drawing out the tension. "He's Eli Goldsworthy!"

The audience waited patiently for Eli to come out but nothing happened.

"Eli Goldsworthy!" Fiona announced again, this time with a little bit of ice in her voice, still no sign

"Goldsworthy get your butt out here now!" She barked.

There was a sound of commotion backstage and then Eli clumsily stumbled into view. I was sure someone probably pushed him. Hard rock music began to play at his entrance. He laughed nervously giving an embarrassed wave to the audience. I giggled to myself seeing the getup that Fiona had placed him in. Eli was never one to follow dress code but this was ridiculous. His hair was jelled into a stiff Mohawk, with thick spiked bracelets on either wrist. He was wearing a black V-neck, the sleeves completely torn off, with dark eyeliner and fake facial jewellery to top the entire look off. The only thing genuine about his appearance, which I was glad Fiona allowed him to keep it, was his guitar pick necklace.

"Now this guy here is one rebellious bad ass. What's say we start the bidding at ten dollars." she motioned for Eli to step forward and he tripped awkwardly in the heavy lace up boots that Fiona gave him.

The room remained silent and Eli swallowed nervously.

"Ten dollars anyone...?" Fiona bellowed again.

I looked around, realizing how quiet the room suddenly felt and began to bite my lips.

"Who will pay ten dollars for this amazing catch?"

"Oh man" Adam said, shaking his head beside me.

"Why isn't anyone bidding? I asked, looking around the group of girls in frustration.

"I think Fiona's makeover is a little too well done, he looks downright freaky."

I watched Eli ruefully; it was painful seeing him cringe alone on stage. I looked to Adam desperately. "Do something!"

"Like what? In case you haven't noticed I'm not exactly bidding material"

"Come on ladies, you're missing out on something really good here." Fiona tried again much more forcefully.

"Fi-, Eli began.

"Ten dollars!" I yelled. Immediately my eyes widened as I realized what had just happened. Did I really just bid on Eli? I looked up at him, and he returned my gaze with an equally stunned expression. I could feel the eyes of everyone in the room watching us, as Eli and I stared at each other in frozen shock.

_Was it possible that the room suddenly felt a lot quieter then before?_

Fiona smiled. "Ten dollars! Do I hear twenty?"

There was a brief pause and then a girl behind me shouted for the bid.

"Twenty five! Fiona squealed in excitement as the bids started to go up. My eyes drifted to Jake, who frowned watching Eli's sudden boost of confidence. His presence on stage looked almost naturally now. I felt a pit of guilt, hoping he wouldn't be upset about the bid.

Eli ended up in second with a ninety-five dollars bid. A group of freshman had pooled their money together in order to get him. I guess it's true what they say; girls really do want what other girls have. Eli walked off stage, coming over to us.

"Wow that was interesting."

"Oh you loved it!" Adam laughed," Seeing all those girls vying for your love."

"It was okay." Eli said. His eyes drifted to mine and a gentle smirk formed on his lips. I smiled at him, feeling as my heart began to beat just a little faster.

Fiona came over, her excited voice breaking the moment between us. "This year could not have started off with a bigger bang! We raised so much money for student council."

"That's great Fiona, congratulations."

"Thanks Clare. By the way Eli, your date with the girls is tomorrow."

She pointed to the freshman. They giggled, staring with dangerously flirtatious eyes at Eli. One of them even clawed at him like an animal.

Eli gave them a weary smile. "Adam I've always thought of you as my brother, so if I don't survive tomorrow, consider everything in my room to be yours."

"Thanks man!" Adam answered enthusiastically.

"You're such a drama queen." I said, crossing my arms and giving him a look.

"You can never take too much precaution with wild, love stuck freshman."

I was about to answer when two hands formed across my eyes. "Guess who!"

"Umm, is it the woodcutters come to save me from the big bad wolf," I laughed.

"Exactly!" said Jake. He removed his hands, throwing an arm around my waist and nodded to the others.

"So Jake, looks like you cleaned up pretty well in the auction," Fiona smiled.

"Not as well as Eli though." Jake said, a bit of edge in his tone.

I coughed, feeling a slight tension building in the conversation.

"I did alright," Eli answered plainly. "How was the rest of your summer Jake?" I knew he was probably trying hard to make decent conversation and I felt myself soften a bit that he cared enough to do so.

"Great! Best part was getting Clare back." Jake pulled me closer so that our hips were now touching.

"Uh huh, ya...that's-"

"Eli! I could really use your help cleaning in the back, if you don't mind." Fiona urged. She was being a good friend. Anyone could see how brutal this conversation was.

"Ya I should help. See you Jake." He said, giving Jake a quick nod. His eyes drifted to mine again, and his features softened. "Bye Clare."

"Bye Eli." I gave him a weak smile and he walked away with Fiona.

Adam sighed, looking between Eli and I. "Maybe I better help out too, see you in Bio Clare." I nodded and he followed suit behind Eli.

As soon as they were gone, Jake spun me in his arms so that I was held tightly in his grasp, looking up at him.

"So I don't know how I feel about you bidding on another guy."

"What was I supposed to do-? I began in defence.

He touched his lips to mine, kissing me chastely. "You care too much sometimes, you know that?"

"Is that a bad thing?"

"It's one of the many things I love about you."

I laughed, and he pulled me closer. "We still have a few minutes before class; want to grab a quick bite?"

"Only if you promise not to eat my face this time," I smiled, remembering the night after the cabin with the wedding cake.

"I thought I was already doing that." He joked, giving me another kiss.

Touché. I took Jake's hand, leaning my shoulder against his tightly. He smiled at me, and I let myself ease into the comforting feeling of his body against mine. As we turned the corner and out of the elections room though, I couldn't shake the much stronger feeling of two piercing green eyes on my back, watching as we left.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: When the Truth Comes Out

**A/N: Well here's the third chapter for you guys! I just one to say thank you to everyone who's taken an interest in this story and for all the kind reviews! I hope you guys like it and please continue to read and review. I appreciate it so much and I love to hear what you all have to say!**

I tried hard not to think about the time when Jake and I would finally have to tell my mom and Glen about our relationship. However, with the everyday reminder of our parent's marriage weighing down on us, we both knew it wouldn't stay a secret for long. Jake and I loved each other, and as hard as that might be to accept, it happened and nothing our parents could say or do was going to change that. Not to mention the lying and the hiding was severely starting to get to me. All I wanted was to not be afraid to hold Jake's hand in front of them. Maybe I was being selfish to want that, but wasn't it also selfish that our parents could be so happy and we couldn't? The truth was going to come out eventually, and I could just imagine how smoothly that conversation would go...

"_Hey mom, Glen, so you know when me and Jake said that we broke up...well we did. But then we sort of decided to get back together behind your back because we love each other. And well I don't see any reason why we can't just accept this and move on."_

My mom's soft laugh pulled me from my thoughts and I looked up from my plate to see her leaning closely toward Glen, their hands held together and wresting on top the dinner table.

I sighed, forking at my potatoes a little rougher than necessary. It was always like this. Bad enough that Glen and my mom pretty much forced Jake and me to break up originally; but we were also forced to sit through their constant adore for one another. Seriously they acted more like a couple of teenagers than a married couple. I lifted my glass to my lips to cool down when suddenly Jake's foot slid against mine, caressing my ankle and up my leg.

The sudden sensation startled me, making me choke on the water. Quickly I swallowed, my eyes filling with tears and my cheeks turning red with embarrassment.

"Clare you alright there?" Glen asked concerned.

I nodded. "I-uh, err...It went down the wrong pipe," I answered quickly.

"I hate when that happens," Jake laughed, as he placed another forkful of potatoes in his mouth.

I could feel my mom looking between us suspiciously and avoided her gaze. After a few seconds she gave up and turned back to Glen.

Jake's foot slid back over, and I looked at him glaring.

"That wasn't nice." I mouthed.

He laughed quietly to himself, linking his feet with mine.

"So!" My mom chimed loudly. Immediately Jake and I straightened up, pulling our feet apart.

"How does everyone feel about ice cream for dessert? A woman from work told me about this new place down town and I thought it would be fun if we all went as a family-"

I let out a breath. "I have some homework I should probably catch up on." I answered before she could continue.

"Sweetheart, it's the first week of school. I'm sure you can take a few minutes to spend with your family."

There it was again. That word...family. It was like she had to force the idea on us.

"Really mom, I just rather stay and get it done then get behind early."

"Honey I'm sure your teacher will understand-

"Mom I can't. Okay!"

The table went quiet and I swallowed at the rudeness in my tone. So maybe I was being a bit difficult, but dinner was almost over and I really didn't want to sit through another hour of my mom and Glen's happy family charade. Maybe in their little bubble everything seemed perfect but I wasn't playing along.

"Alright fine!" My mom said frustrated and I felt a bit guilty for making her upset.

Lately things were drifting between us. Ever since the marriage, it was like my mom was lost in this doting wife mentality; and I just didn't understand her. It used to be that her, my dad and Darcy were the closest people in my life but none of that was true anymore. I had barely spoken to my dad since the divorce and Darcy was across the globe. My mom, well I couldn't even remember a time after the wedding when we actually had a real conversation and she was too lost in the clouds to notice anything was wrong.

She turned to Jake who had a whole mouthful of potatoes. He quickly swallowed as my mom waited for an answer.

Jake's eyes drifted to mine and then back at my mother.

"I'm pretty beat from school Helen. Could we possibly take a rain check?" Jake answered sweetly.

She smiled at Jake softly but I could see the disappointment in her features.

"A rain check is just fine Jake."

It was silent for a few minutes before Glen spoke. "Well I for one would love to try this apparently delicious ice cream before the weather really starts to get dreary out, so I'm up for tonight."

My mom turned to Glen, a wide smile beaming on her face. "I suppose you and I could still go, even if the kids aren't up to it."

"Sounds wonderful Madame." Glen answered, trying his best to imitate a French accent. He leaned close to my mom giving her a kiss on the cheek.

I rolled my eyes and pushed my chair from the table.

"I'm not very hungry, may I be excused?"

My mom nodded and I placed my dishes in the sink, sneaking Jake a quick glance before retreating upstairs.

...

There was a loud thud as the front door shut. Quickly I hopped off my bed and peaked out the window. I could hear the quiet voices of Glen and my mother as they got into the truck and finally the engine came to life and they disappeared down the street.

As soon as they were gone I made my way over to Jake's room.

"Who is it?" Jake asked as I knocked on the door.

"Who else are you expecting?"

Jake laughed, swinging the door open with a wide smile.

"No one, but it just seems like the customary thing to say when someone knocks, you know?"

I walked past him, falling tiredly on his bed.

"Bad night?" he asked, as he pulled open one of his drawers, beginning to rummage through it.

"Am I the only one who notices how completely oblivious our parents are to everything?"

"I wouldn't say oblivious Clare; it's just the whole honeymoon phase."

"I bet if we started making out right in front of them they wouldn't even notice."

"Well we could try and find out," Jake smiled devilishly. He pulled off his Plaid button up, making my cheeks flush. My eyes grazed his chest and I swallowed. He didn't seem to notice as he quickly shucked an old T-shirt on.

I shook my head, coming back to my senses. "I feel like I can't even talk to her anymore and I have no idea why. My mom and I have always had this great relationship, and now...nothing but this marriage seems to matter to her anymore." I looked down at my hands stifling the sob threatening to escape.

Jake sighed, sitting beside me on the bed.

"Clare your mom loves you. Besides all the attention they're spending on each other is less attention spent making sure you and I stay in line. Isn't that what we want?"

"I know. But every time I see how happy our parents are, I feel like I'm doing something terrible to her and I hate feeling guilty for something that I know I shouldn't have to feel guilty for." I sighed. "How are we supposed to tell them that we're still dating?"

"We'll deal with it together when the time's right. Clare listen...everything will work out, you just have to take it easy, stop stressing. And please next time, don't make me turn down free dessert on your behalf."

I laughed. "I hope your right." I started to walk to the door and Jake stood, grabbing my hand, pulling me back to him.

"Hey, hey...leaving so soon?"

"Well I...

"I'm sure that homework can wait."

He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling my body against his.

"I don't think our parents will be gone that much longer." I laughed.

"All the more reason to take advantage of the time we have alone."

I smiled, tangling my fingers in his hair and pulled him closer to me. Jakes lips pressed tightly against mine. He kissed me gently at first but quickly grew fiercer. I breathed deeply, allowing his tongue to push its way into my mouth. We stumbled backward, not pulling apart once till my back hit the door. He pulled his lips from mine, catching his breath and then started to kiss my neck wildly. I closed my eyes at the amazing feeling of his lips against my skin and smiled.

Jake groaned slightly, his hands moving from my waist up my back, till they crept forward wresting on my breasts, and he squeezed.

My eyes shot open. "Waite Jake..."

"Hmmm." He hummed, pressing his lips to mine again."

I placed to hands on his chest, pushing him away from me. We both breathed heavily, staring at each other in shock.

"Jake I'm sorry-

"No Clare, don't. I went too far."

"No! I just wasn't expecting-

"Ya but I shouldn't have-

He paused, shaking his head. "I know you have your purity ring. I respect that, but I just got caught up in the moment."

The sound of the front door opening and my mother's and Glens laughs echoed through the house; catching our attention.

"You weren't the only one." I said. "Maybe we better call it a night."

He nodded and I opened the door quietly.

"See you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." Jake repeated, still a bit disoriented.

I smiled, shutting the door behind me and quietly tip toed my way back to my room.

...

2 Weeks Later

The bell rang and I hurriedly grabbed my books and ran to my locker. It had been almost three weeks since school started and things between Eli and me were still going smoothly; to the point where I actually found myself looking forward to second period. I told myself it was because Mrs. Dawes was such an amazing teacher, and English was my favourite subject but I couldn't say Eli had nothing to do with it. Our passion for writing connected us in way that just seemed to come as second nature; and the friendship...well it was working.

I unlocked my locker and kicked it hard, allowing the door to open slowly.

_Thank you Adam._

Quickly I emptied my media immersions books and gathered my things for next class. Just as I had shut the locker and turned to walk away a stiff female voice called after me.

"Clare!"

I looked around and my eyes landed on Katie. She was walking over to me with an array of posters and flyers overflowing in her grasp.

I picked up a flyer that had fallen from the enormous pile and handed it back to her as she closed the distance between us.

"Hey Katie, need some help."

She rolled her eyes at me, clearly not in the mood. Then again, when was Katie ever in the mood?

"Not at the moment no," She answered frustrated. She manoeuvred the contents in her arms till a single page was held tightly in her grasp, pointed at me.

"Clare, can I ask you what this is?"

"Look's to be a very crumpled piece of paper." I started to laugh and immediately thought better at Katie's un-amused expression.

_Right...no Jokes._

"Ugg! No." She shook the page till it unrolled before me, revealing the contents.

"_A Summer to Remember: Clare Edwards"_

"It's my piece for the school paper...the one you assigned me."

"Yes but what is this?"

I looked at her in confusion.

"I told you to write about summer vacation from the perspective of an everyday teenager. What it truly means to us and how we feel when it's over; a human interest piece that actually relates to the students of Degrassi."

"And that's what I did."

"Clare there's no emotion in this article. I almost believe that you just searched the word "summer" online and stuck in whatever clichés popped up."

I swallowed, hoping she couldn't see in my eyes how right she was.

"Is this the sort of thing you want printed with your name beside it?"

I didn't answer and she sighed annoyed. "Clare I gave you this assignment because I thought you proved capable to handle it last year. But I can't go around coddling you. If this is really too much to ask for, I have no problem finding someone else to take the article."

"You can't do that!"

Katie stiffened a bit at my attitude. "I'm the editor Clare, which means I can do whatever I want if it will benefit the paper."

"Katie please, this is my piece."

She looked at me unsure. "Every good writer draws from personal experience Clare. I am not interested in reading from the point of view of some random person online. I want to hear what this means to you. I mean you must have done something this break to draw inspiration from."

The last thing I was going to tell Katie was how the majority of my summer was spent helping my mother plan her wedding; and with Ally at her science program all summer, pathetically watching an entire arsenal of romance movies, trying to forget my break up with Jake.

"Clare."

I blinked, to see Katie holding the article for me to take.

"A new article by Friday or someone else get's the assignment."

I frowned taking it from her and nodded.

"Great! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go sucker Drew into helping me post some of these flyers around the school."

She sauntered away with a perfect smile, dragging my good mood kicking and screaming along with her.

...

"Hey," Eli smiled as I came walking over. I didn't answer, instead dropping my book bag on the ground and slumped angrily into my desk.

"Did it just get colder in here, or is it just me?" He joked, turning to Adam.

"Then put a jacket on!" I grumbled, lowering my forehead on the desk in frustration. "Two days! How am I possibly going to finish this in two days?"

I slammed my fist on the desk, still clutching my article. Eli plucked the page from my hand, forcing me to sit up and look at him.

"What does Katie know anyway?" I rambled as he scanned the words. "I think the article is good. I mean, there are statistics!"

Eli smirked, glancing at me. "So I take it you were unsuccessfully in passing the highly rigorous Matlin test?"

"She said my article lacks emotion. I'm emotional!"

Eli frowned slightly. "As unfortunate as this might be to hear, I'm afraid I must agree with Katie."

I snatched the page back from him and stuffed it in my bag.

"Hey! As your writing partner I have a responsibility to be honest to you. Clare, I've read your work and you are capable of far greater lengths then that. Remember last year. What happened to the girl unafraid to scream her lungs out in the middle of the street or write a paper telling her parents how she really feels? Where is she in this article?"

"She realized that there was no point because the people on the street looked at her weird and her parents still got divorced."

"I know you don't believe that Clare." Eli said softly.

"Well what am I supposed to do? I have nothing to write about; unless of course my relationship with Nicholas Spark's and a giant bowl of popcorn can be counted as a worthwhile summer."

Eli winced, "Nicholas Sparks... really?"

I rolled my eyes making him laugh.

Just then Mrs. Dawes walked in.

"You'll figure something out Edwards, you always do." Eli said, smirking at me once more before turning to face Mrs. Dawes at the front of the classroom.

...

The bell rang and the three of us started to walk out together.

Adam came beside me, leaning closely as we entered the hall. "Prepare for collision in 5...4...3...2..."

There was shrill squeal and then suddenly Imogen's pixie like figure zoomed past us, jumping into Eli's arms. He laughed, staggering back a bit.

"Miss me muffin?" Imogen chimed, wrapping her legs around Eli's waste and arms around his neck.

I swallowed the burning feelings beginning to rise under my skin. Since Imogen returned from her vacation she was less than enthusiastic to hear me and Eli were on good terms. Since then she's made it her top priority to insure I knew just how serious they had become over the summer.

_Just be happy for him Clare. _

"Well I did just see you this morning, but with an entrance like that how could I not."

"Wonderful!" She pressed her lips against his tightly. I bit my tongue, pretending to fiddle with my phone.

_Why weren't my feet just walking away? Walk away!_

"Mr. Goldsworthy, Miss. Moreno may I remind you about the public display of affection ban in the halls," Mrs. Dawes bellowed over her shoulder as she walked out of her classroom and past us. I would have to find a way to thank her later.

Imogen pulled away sighing. "Very well Mrs. Dawes." She placed her feet back on the ground, taking Eli's hand and turned toward us.

"Hello Mr. Torres!" she greeted Adam and then her cold glare shot toward me. "Clare Diana Edwards" she said icily.

I grimaced at the use of my full name. "Hey Imogen, how are you?"

"Oh just magnificent! Drama club will be starting again very soon and considering I was indisposed during my last acting début, I'm more than enthusiastic to be on stage beside Eli again."

"Imo I told you, I'm just writing for the club this year...no acting."

"Nonetheless, I'm sure I can handle being your leading lady off stage instead. It is lot more fun." She smiled flirtatiously, placing her free hand on Eli's arm.

I know I didn't imagine the flush that appeared on Eli's cheek and swallowed the nausea threatening to surface.

"Sounds like fun," I said sarcastically.

Imogen shot me with another evil glare, probably noticing my tone. "And how has Sainte Clare been spending her days? Saving lost kitties from trees and volunteering at soup kitchens?"

"Yup, you know me. My schedule become's pretty packed. It gets stressful sometimes," I said annoyed.

"I'm sure; but you've seemed to have no problem finding time to date your stepbrother. How has that been working for you?"

I swallowed, my cheeks burning.

"It's working just great," I answered plainly.

My eyes wandered to Eli who by the expression on his face didn't like where the conversation was headed.

Imogen smiled. "But it must be hard; bearing in mind how he kissed Ally Bandari. Isn't she your best friend? I'm sorry...wasn't she your best friend?"

"Imo- Eli began to interject.

"How do you know about that?" I asked defensively, cutting him off.

"It's common knowledge." Imogen smiled.

"It's also none of your business."

"Very sorry Clare Edward's, I was simply curious. You and Jake appear to be quite happy together, considering." She leaned deeper into Eli's shoulder. "Isn't it wonderful having such an intimate and trustworthy connection with someone?"

I clenched my jaw, afraid of the words that might come out.

"I'm hungry! Is anyone else hungry?" Eli chimed in, ready to change the subject.

"Actually I am quite famished! Eli would you like to take me to lunch?" Imogen smiled widely at him.

He chuckled a bit. "Ya sure."

"Great! Well if you'll excuse us, Adam, Clare Edwards." She gave a small curtsy before skipping away, pulling Eli with her.

"Wow! I don't think I'll ever get over how bizarre that girl is." Adam said beside me, once they were out of ear shot.

I didn't answer, still focussing on the hallway where Eli and Imogen had just disappeared.

"Clare?"

_Why should I even care who he's with? Eli's a big boy he can handle himself._

"Clare?" Adam repeated impatiently.

"Huh?" I jumped, finally turning my gaze toward him.

He shook his head giving me a knowing look.

"What?" I asked self consciously.

Adam laughed, linking his arm with mine. "Come on Sainte Clare, I'll buy you lunch."

**A/N: Well there you have it, the ends of the third chapter :) Hope you guys like it! I'm not sure when I'll be able to update next because my exams will be starting very soon but I'll try my best to make it as soon as possible. I have so much planned for this story and I'm so looking forward to you all reading it. I know there's probably some serious Eclare deprivation going on right now, but don't worry there's plenty interaction yet to come. Thanks again guys!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey guys, so sorry for the late update! My computer picked the worst time to stop working and I just finished exams. Well here's Chapter four and I hope you enjoy! Thanks again for taking an interest and please keep reading and reviewing, they put a smile on my face and help so much! **

Chapter 4: Indecent Proposal

Try writing about something that means absolutely nothing to you anymore, that's what I was doing with this article. After dinner I had tried to get it started, especially since Katie had made her expectations especially clear to me. But for nearly two hours now I was sitting at my computer with a blank stare and an even blanker screen reflected back at me. I sighed rubbing my face roughly, and straightened my posture, as if this might help. I had always associated summer with a tiny cabin in Georgian Bay with my family. Jumping of the dock into the freezing abyss of Lake Huron with Darcy and listening to my parents laughing in the kitchen as they cooked breakfast together used to be what those once perfect two months meant to me. But this summer everything was different. After a long road of unbearable arguing my parents had ultimately finalised their divorce only for my mom to re-marry the father of my current boyfriend. Losing Ally was just the icing on top of particularly awful cake. I looked back at the screen, watching as the cursor blinked tauntingly at me and groaned loudly, placing my face in my hands.

"Maybe you need a break?" A soft voice suggested beside me.

I raised my head to see Jake leaning on the desk and smiled at him tiredly. "Writers block is picking a difficult battle with me today."

"We could watch a movie, pop some popcorn? I'll even let you pick, despite the fact that you've proven time and again how terrible your taste in movies are."

I chuckled a bit, running a hand through my hair. "Any other night I would take you up on that offer but Katie only gave me two days to finish a new article, and the original took me more than a week. Why does she always have to be such a-

I was interrupted as Jake came behind me, beginning to gently rub my shoulders. It was moments like this when I really appreciated the after dinner walks our parents had taken up since they got married. It gave us some time, even if only a little, to just be alone and act like couple.

"Do you know how much of an amazing boyfriend you are?"

"Well I've been told but I try my best not to brag."

"Oh and how many girls may I ask have told you that?" I asked with mischievous curiosity.

"Just today?"

I smacked one of his hands and he laughed, leaning his face close to mine. "I'll sweeten the deal...ice cream and I'm even willing to sit through Ryan Gosling for two hours." I laughed as his lips trailed along my ear. "It's not like we'll be watching the movie much anyway."

I shivered a bit, my stomach doing a flipping motion. "As much as I want to...and I do really want to, I have to get at least some work done, I can't let myself get distracted no matter how tempting that sounds."

Jake sighed, dropping his head in defeat. "Okay, I guess I'll leave Degrassi's best journalist to do her work then. Good luck." He said, kissing my cheek.

"Thank you, I'm going to need it."

He leaned up, beginning to walk away when my phone suddenly began to vibrate, catching both of our attention. Before I had time to grab for it, Jake quickly ran over, snatching it away.

I turned toward him glaring. He was holding the phone up at me with a taunting smile.

"Give it to me."

"Ah ah ah, you said it yourself, you can't get distracted. I'm only trying to help you keep your word."

I stood walking over to him. "But it could be an emergency."

"The emergency is you not finishing your article, now sit down and get some work done young lady," he laughed.

I opened my palm toward him. "Phone," I ordered.

"Alright fine." He started to place the phone in my hand and quickly snatched it back before I could take hold. I stared shocked at my empty palm and back at him. "Changed my mind." He chuckled down at me.

"Are we really going to play this game?"

"Oh I think we really are."

I crinkled my nose, thinking of my best tactic, and lunged for the phone. Jake was quicker. His arm shot up, dangling it in the air and out of my reach. "You're going to have to do better than that Clare Bear."

_Damn his abnormal tallness_

I tried again and Jake caught my waste, twirling my body around so I was held with my back pressed tightly against his chest.

"Jake give it to me!" I laughed, as he tickled my ribs each time I attempted to grab the phone from him.

"I'll just let them know you're busy." He laughed, beginning to open the message.

I squirmed, trying to yank free. "Jake let me see!" I squeaked as he continued to tickle me.

He was still laughing, as he began to read the message and then suddenly the smile on his face slowly faded. His arm fell from my waist and he stepped back, staring at the phone with an expression I didn't understand.

"Jake?"

He didn't answer, still staring at the phone. Did_ something happen?_ My mind began to whirl in a million terrible directions as I began to wonder if everyone I knew was alright.

"Jake! What is it?"

He turned toward me, holding the phone for me to take. I grabbed it from him, my eyes widening as I began to read.

"Why is Eli texting you?" Jake interrupted.

I looked up at him and back to the open message on the screen. **"Eli: Clare can we meet up?"**

I swallowed, unsure what to make of it. Eli hadn't texted me once since our breakup. To be honest, I actually forgot his number was even in my phone and now out of nowhere was a message asking if we could meet up. What on earth did that mean?

"Clare?"

I looked up at Jake's confused. "I-I don't know," I said searching my mind for anything reassuring to tell him, "He probably just wants to discuss the writing assignment Mrs. Dawes gave us today. Maybe he needs help with his part."

"Well are you going to go?" Jake asked annoyed.

I looked back at my phone again. "Well he is my writing partner."

He breathed in frustration, rubbing his face roughly.

"Jake I can't help that we were paired together. I'm not exactly jumping off walls for this situation either but I have obligations."

"To Eli?"

"To the partnership!"

"And what about your article? Are you just going to drop everything just because Eli may or may not need help with some English assignment?"

I turned, glancing at the computer and the still blank screen reflecting back at me. He was right. How could I even think about going to meet Eli when I still had so much to do? There was no way. It was absolutely out of the question. Whatever Eli wanted could wait till tomorrow in class.

"I should be back soon, I can pick up with the article then."

_What! Why did you just say that Clare?_

"So I guess no distraction only applies in certain situations then huh?"

"Jake-

"Its fine Clare, I understand your obligations. I'm not mad."

I watched him turn away from me and walk up the stairs, flinching as his door shut a little louder than usual. I looked back at my phone, eyeing Eli's message. I wasn't sure why I felt the need to go. Maybe it was curiosity getting the better of me but I wanted to meet Eli. The message drew me in and I no idea how to turn back. I read the message again, **"Clare can we meet up?"**

My fingers trailed along the tiny keys of my phone. I swallowed, my hands shaking as I typed a nervous message of reply. "**Okay."**

...

I walked into Little Mrs. Steaks, welcomed by the powerful aroma of barbeque and saw dust. It was crowded, for a Wednesday. The noise of busy conversation filled my ear, overpowered by the sudden and powerful screech of a man singing karaoke to "I Feel like a Women" on the stage in the corner of the restaurant. I smirked a bit, seeing the embarrassed faces of his wife and kids as he broke solemnly into a happy two step.

"Well howdy sweetheart, is it just one for tonight then?"

I turned toward the high-pitched and perky voice of the hostess beside me. She was middle aged; sporting the widest smile I had ever seen. It hurt my jaw a bit just seeing it. Her cow girl outfit was different from the waitresses; instead coated in embroidery and buttons with tassels dangling all around. Orange hair and purple highlights poked out of her hat through high pigtails. She definitely looked like the creative type.

"I'm actually just here to meet someone." I smiled at her, my eyes searching the restaurant.

"Well I could help you find the little partner. You see I'm very good at remembering faces." She stepped back from the podium, staring at me expectantly.

"Oh okay, well he's-

"I know just who you're talking about." She chimed proudly, suddenly grabbing my hand and dragging me deeper into the restaurant.

"What? But I didn't even tell you what he looks like."

She laughed, continuing to wave through the crowded tables and stopped a few feet short of a booth in the corner of the restaurant. "Is that him?"

I smiled, seeing Eli sitting along toying nervously with the condiments on the table. "Ya that's him...but how did you-?

"Oh honey I just have a six sense for these things. She paused, leaning closer, "And it helps a little that he also told me he was here to meet someone to." She laughed loudly slapping me on the back. "So is this a first date then?"

I gasped in surprise. "No! Absolutely not, we aren't-I mean, we were a long time ago- but this is not a date or anything. It's just...You see I'm with this other guy named Jake so I'm actually not even sure what this is. The point is that we are definitely not-

"Well ya'll have a good time!" She interrupted, eyeing her podium for escape and then finally scurrying away before I could say anymore.

I sighed in embarrassment, making my way over to the booth.

"Interesting place to discuss the English assignment," I smiled as I came closer.

"Eli jumped suddenly surprised. The pepper and salt shakers in his hands clumsily slipped through his finger, falling onto the table with a loud cling. Both bottles popped open, dispersing the granulated black and white mess into a tiny cloud around the table.

"Ahhh jeeze!" Eli yelled, straightening up and covertly patting the concoction back into each bottle.

I laughed, sliding into the seat across from him. "Smooth, you're a regular evil mastermind. Next thing you know, I'll find mustard in my ketchup bottle."

"Edwards, you should really no better than to sneak up on people like that."

"All this bad boy cred and you get startled by little old me?"

Eli laughed, and looked up making us both suddenly fall silent. I cleared my throat, wondering if the same level of comfort we had grown to be familiar with in school could also follow us outside Degrassi. I took a breath, deciding to tread the water and hoping desperately not to drown.

"So did you have a question about the English Assignment...or something?"

Eli's furrowed his eyebrows. "Or something," He began. "I didn't exactly ask you to meet me so we could discuss school Clare. But I must say I am surprised you came."

"Then why did-wait I said I would come so why are you surprised that I showed up?"

"I just assumed I'd probably have a better chance of seeing Bullfrog dancing ballet in a pink tutu then be sitting at Little Mrs. Steaks with Clare Edwards again."

I shivered as the image in my mind came into focus. "Not a pretty sight." I laughed. "Well you kind of sprung me with that text so I guess we're both surprising each other these days."

Eli smirked and I shifted nervously in my seat. _Stay on track Clare!_

"So why did you text me?"

Eli started to speak and quickly stopped himself, the sheer trace of annoyance flashing across his face. His eyes narrowed, focusing on something behind me. "Oh no." He scoffed.

I looked at him confused and turned to see what he had been staring at. Almost immediately I felt my stomach drop as I noticed Marisol Lewis walking toward our booth, a meddlesome grin beaming on her face.

"Great Eli, you picked the restaurant where the queen bee of gossip works." I said through clenched teeth.

"Not the best choice on my part." He agreed. The two of us fell silent as Marisol came over.

"Clare!" She greeted me happily, and glanced at Eli. "And Eli Goldsworthy...well isn't this interesting."

I scratched my head nervously. "Ya, listen Marisol we're just here discussing an assignment for school."

"Where's Jake?"

"At home."

"He didn't come with you?"

"Like I said, we're discussing English; Jake had no reason to come."

"It's amazing that he trust you that much. None of my boyfriends would have ever let me go to dinner alone with an ex."

"We aren't having-I began, ready to defend myself when Eli quickly interrupted.

"Could we get something to drink?" He asked her smugly and then turned to me. "I don't know about you Clare but I'm getting pretty thirsty waiting for Marisol to dig up whatever gold she thinks she found between us."

I smiled, seeing as Marisol cheeks suddenly turned the brightest shade of scarlet.

"Or I could just tell your manager know interested you are in customer affairs and how uninterested you are in taking our order."

Marisol's eyes filled with venom as she attempted to keep the fake smile evenly plastered on her face. She reached into her pocket, pulling out a pen and notepad. "What would you like to drink?"

Eli gestured for me to go first.

"Just water thanks."

She wrote it down, and hesitantly turned back to Eli. "And?"

"Pepsi...actually make it Coke."

I chuckled, shaking my head.

She nodded, shooting Eli with a subtle glare before starting to walk away.

"Some breadsticks would be great as well!" he yelled after her.

"That was a little harsh," I chuckled when she was gone.

"Some people just need to get put in their place."

"So I'm guessing opening your door to new people didn't exactly work then?"

"Everyone has their limits Clare."

Just then Marisol returned, placing our drinks and a basket of breadsticks in the center of the table a little rougher than necessary. "Anything else?" she asked me, not even bothering to acknowledge Eli.

"No I think we're good."

I pierced my lips tightly as she strode away without another word, till finally she turned the corner, and the two of us broke out laughing.

"So will you tell me about this mystery text already?"I asked still chuckling and taking a drink of my water to calm down.

Eli breathed, gaining his composure. He looked at me, rubbing his neck nervously. "Ya...well you seemed really worried about that article, and in class you mentioned you were unsure where to start and I thought...I don't know, I guess I thought I could help somehow."

I felt my good mood suddenly disappear, my cheeks burning with anger. How dare he? Eli had no right to be butting into my business. So what if I hadn't started, that didn't mean I needed his help. We were done helping each other a long time ago. We were English partners, and that's all. I couldn't go back to discussing my work with Eli, outside of class. It was inappropriate, it was crossing a line, it was too..._personal._ I swallowed suddenly remembering that day on the bench when we had skipped class.

"Clare?"

I stood, beginning to pull my bag over my shoulder. "I don't need your help Eli, I'm doing just fine."

He slid out of the booth, placing a hand on my arm stopping me. "Clare wait, I wasn't trying to offend you in any way I just-

"Eli I said I was fine."

"Edwards will you please just swallow your pride for two minutes and hear me out." Eli smiled at me gently. I looked down at his hand, still rested on my arm, my cheeks flushing.

He quickly noticed and pulled away. "Two minutes that's all I ask." He said gesturing toward our empty booth.

"Fine!" I said, pretending to be still annoyed but knowing that something inside me had suddenly softened and I had no idea why. "Two minutes." I walked back to the booth sitting down.

Eli chuckled, taking his seat as well. "So as I was saying I think I can help."

"And how do you suppose that? I told you Eli, I haven't done anything worth writing about this summer. And all those times with my parents, every summer I thought meant something, doesn't...at least not anymore. It was all a lie."

"Clare, it still means something. Even if your parents aren't together, that doesn't mean that those moments don't count."

"Can we just get back to your brilliant plan please?" I said, preferring not to start this conversation with him.

He sighed but nodded, "I think you just need to focus on a specific moment, a time when you can remember being happy." He paused, leaning in his seat with a smirk. "And dare I say it Edwards, having fun."

I rolled my eyes but allowed him to continue.

"Once you have that, the rest will just come naturally."

"Eli I already said my-

"I know Clare, I understand why you don't want to hash out old memories but that wasn't exactly what I was referring to. Maybe you need to focus less on finding inspiration in your past and more on the memories you haven't made yet."

"I don't understand, summer's over, anything I do now doesn't really apply to my article."

Eli's smile widened, "I think Katie gave you this assignment at the perfect time."

"Excuse me?"

"Do you know what today is Clare?"

"Uhhh September twenty first," I answered, unsure where he was heading with all this.

"Coincidentally also the last night of the summer solstice."

I shrugged, waiting for more explanation.

"Which mean it's not over Clare, not yet at least. You still have time, one more official night of summer to make up for all the bad ones."

I swallowed, as his words slowly began to sink in. "Eli what are you getting at?"

He smirked, my eyes followed his to the large cuckoo clock above the bar and then he turned back, looking at me excitedly.

"Its 8:30," He smiled.

"So?" I asked, confused by his sudden enthusiasm

"So Edwards... it looks like we have less than four hours to make your summer worthwhile."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey Guys, I know this Chapter is a bit long, but it is also my favourite so far. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. And please continue to read and review. Thanks so much to everyone who has taken the time and interest in this story. I can't wait to write more for all of you. **

Chapter 5: A Summer To Remember

_Clare's summer to do List:_

_1. Step out of that comfort zone, by this I mean do something you would never otherwise do._

_2**. St. Clare,**__ I think it's about time you break away from that nickname; a night of rebellion should do the trick. The dark side awaits us!_

_3. Pull the ultimate in summer pranks...Edwards you need a good laugh._

I took the napkin from Eli, examining the small list he had written. The simple tasks filled me with nervousness, but I refused to back down now. We were sitting in Little Mrs. Steaks, when Eli had introduced his plan and to be honest it didn't appeal to me in the slightest...well at least not at first. Old memories or new, all I wanted was to close the book on this summer, stick it on a shelf and slowly let it accumulate dust till it was completely forgotten. Yes, one more night of summer may have intrigued me just a bit, however I couldn't find it in myself to simply dismiss those horrid two months and allow such meagre time to make up for them. Not to mention the nervous tremor that crawled up my skin at the mere thought of Eli and I spending the night together. Our relationship was still fragile at best, and I felt as if at any moment one of us might crack; bringing everything we built up to this point, down in a mess of broken shards. So I told him I wasn't interested, and was nearly half way to the door when something stopped me. It was like in that instant I realised, that even now, at Little Mrs. Steaks no less I was still dwelling on the past and everything I once lost.

It took only months for my parents to sign their divorce papers, and to determine our family was no longer worth the fight and I had allowed their decisions to determine my own. I was still pushing Eli away, still holding onto the fear that something in our past might again break between us. I was letting everything bad overwrite the good, choosing to curl up in a closed off whole of constant indecision. And somehow along the way I had let myself be pre-determined by reminders of what once was rather then what could be. But Eli had offered me a way out of this slump, and for some reason I was afraid to take the step forward. He was right, I could still redeem that time I had lost, maybe all I needed to do was for once allow things to just fall into place. So when it came down to it, and I stood between the neon Exit sign at the front of the restaurant and Eli, still sitting alone in the booth. I took a breath, my feet no longer feeling heavy and turned back.

"What are you thinking?" Eli asked quizzically.

I shook my head and allowed a small laugh to escape my lips. "I'm thinking I have no idea how we're going to do this."

"Try not to worry too much, I have some ideas."

"Somehow that doesn't make me feel any better." I joked.

"You trust me don't you Clare?"

I swallowed, looking down at my hands. "Of course I do," I said quietly. It was true...despite what had happened between us, I don't think I ever stopped trusting Eli. Somehow I always knew I could rely on him. But now saying it out loud, it was almost like I was admitting it not only to Eli but also to myself.

"Hey," He said, his voice soft, urging me to look at him. I lifted my head, meeting the deepness of Eli's eyes; afraid to look away and break the energy it seemed was suddenly burning between the two of us. "Then you have nothing to be afraid of," He finished before pushing out of the booth and walking away. I watched in confusion as he strode over to the bar where Juan, the owner of the restaurant stood speaking with the bartender. Eli smiled, interrupting the conversation and shook the man's hand beginning to speak. I leaned closer, in a vain attempt to hear what they were saying but knowing full well that they were too far to make out much of anything. They continued to speak for a few minutes before Eli shook the man's hand once more and walked away, coming back to the booth.

"What was that about? I asked.

Eli smirked, sitting down. "I thought we should get started with number one on your list."

"And what does Juan have to do with that?"

Eli didn't answer, taking a bread stick from the basket and biting into it with a sly leer on his face.

"Eli?" I pressed, grabbing the breadstick from him and throwing it at his head.

He laughed dodging it easily, allowing it to fall to the floor. "Now that was a waste."

"What did you do?"

Just then the music from the stage silenced. I looked over; the man with his family was no longer on stage. Instead Juan had taken his place, tapping the microphone to grab everyone attention.

"Howdy there ya'll, everyone having a good night?" Juan asked over the microphone, welcomed by the unison of cheers from his customers. He smiled, raising a hand to quiet down the crowd. "Now that's what I like to hear! I'll let ya'll get back to your dinners shortly but first I'd like to point out that we have another aspiring Karaoke star in our parts tonight."

I looked at Eli, my ears burning. "You didn't!" I said to him, through gritted teeth.

"Clare Edwards come on up gal and show us what you got!" Juan yelled a spot light immediately shining on our booth. I looked around, my eyes wide as I met the expectant stares of everyone in the restaurant and swallowed the bile beginning to rise up in my throat.

My glare shot to Eli. "I can't-" I hissed, looking between the crowd and him.

"Do you want to do this or not?" Eli asked, gesturing toward the stage. "Remember Clare let loose, step out of your comfort zone...embarrass the hell out of yourself, who really cares anyway?"

"Me, I care!"

"I seem to remember a time when Clare Edwards didn't care what people thought about her."

I swallowed. _Crap! He had me._

I looked back at the crowd again and to Eli. He stood, nodding his head to the stage encouragingly. "You coming or what?"

I gulped, but stood walking with Eli to the stage. I turned toward him, daring one last terrified look before taking the steps up to the stage.

"Let's give her a hand!" Juan yelled, making the crowd cry out in hysteria of hoots as I made my way over.

"I don't really know what to sing." I said nervously to Juan as he handed me the mike.

"Don't worry your friend's got you covered." Juan answered, no longer hiding the fact that he really didn't have a southern accent.

I nodded and he left the stage, leaving me alone staring into the dense crowd and a much too bright spot light. I squinted slightly and put the mike to my lips, praying the music would start soon. Just then the speakers screamed to life making me jump as, "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey blared, and the screen to my side began to display lyrics. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at Eli's ironic song choice. When we were dating, I remember telling him how "Don't Stop Believing" used to be one of my favourite songs but now I could barely stand to listen to it because, and I quote "of its commercialised use on television, making it the ultimate musical cop out and nothing more than a cliché little hymn perfect for something as dreadful and archaic as Karaoke." I guess he had remembered my little rant and chose to take full advantage of it.

The first lines moved up on the screen and I took a breath beginning to say the words. Only my voice came out high pitched and raspy causing the microphone to let out a powerful and ear splitting screech through the restaurant making me and I'm pretty sure everyone else in the vicinity flinch. I shifted nervously as words began to pass on the screen, uncertain how to pick up. My eyes searched desperately till they found Eli. I looked at him, shaking my head and he smiled, crossing his arms at me as if to say, "you're not getting off that easy...suck it up Edwards you can do this."

I breathed again, ignoring the words on the screen. Despite my distaste for the song, I had listened to it enough to know the lyrics on my own. I even sung it in my room more times than I could count. So what made this any different? I tightened my grip on the mike, closing my eyes and allowed the music to take over. I could feel myself becoming comfortable with the words again, remembering the girl dancing in her bedroom with a remote as her mike and stuffed animals as her audience. And now here I was a real mike and a real audience just like I had hoped for. With that in mind and with one final glance at Eli I turned back to the crowd, no longer terrified and opened my mouth to sing.

...

The spot light receded, and I let out one last powerful breath as the last note escaped my lips. For an instant the entire restaurant was quite, and then as if almost on cue, a single clap turned into a shudder of applause. I laughed in relief and staggered off stage. My body still shaking in disbelief, I Clare Edwards...had just sung in front of a real audience. Mind you, Little Mrs. Steaks couldn't have had more than fifty customers at the time but hey, it was better than nothing. Eli smiled as I came toward him, clapping slowly but proudly.

"Well done Edwards, who would have guessed that behind all that diffidence was a real set of pipes."

I blushed, "I've never sung in front of anyone before, only in church choir, but that was years ago. It was...exhilarating." I bit my thumb, giggling.

Eli raised an eyebrow at me. "Clare did you just giggle?"

I shook my head, covering my mouth in embarrassment but unable to hide the smile perking on my lips.

Eli smirked, amused. "Well nights not over yet. We still have number two and three on the list to worry about." He reached into his back pocket, pulling out the napkin.

It had been so long since I could feel my impulsive streak wanting to take over. I smiled at Eli, taking the napkin from him, no longer worried about the unpredictable road ahead of us and asked "Where to now?"

...

Eli and I stood outside of a narrow but large building named "_Banshee_," a rock themed club and bar, open seven days a week. According to Eli, it hosted unknown Indy rock bands around Toronto and was seen as a popular hangout for anyone with a love for the music. The building had an air of age to it, creating the illusion of being derelict for some time. The dark brick had chipped in certain areas, weeds growing from the crevices, with their half dead fingers reaching around the side of the ramparts. And when looking past the dirt rimmed windows, you could just make out the welding of stain glass giving the appearance of something similar to an old Victorian church. The muddled base of music was loud enough to hear from outside and I looked fearfully, at my phone. It was already 10:15 on a Wednesday, and the place still looked like it was just beginning to get packed. I had no idea why I had agreed to let Eli bring me here. I knew he would come sometimes with Adam, but this definitely didn't look like a place I would ever fit in. I watched as people went into the building, only coming out for the occasional smoke, and surreptitiously examined them. Everyone going into the bar looked ready to enter the mosh pit for a Metallica concert and here I was in my floral tang top and cardigan. There was no doubt I would stick out like a sore thumb.

"This is a bad idea."I said worriedly. Immediately I turned around, bumping hard into Eli's chest. He smiled at me, grabbing my arms to keep me from falling to the ground.

"Clare you said you wanted to come here."

"I know but I changed my mind. Let's just skip number two okay?"

He shook his head. "As if Edwards. We're doing this thing right, not half ass."

I swallowed, looking behind me at the bar and back to Eli. "How are we going to sneak in anyway?"

"We don't have to." Eli smiled, "We'll just walk right through the front door."

I looked at him unsure and he reached into his pocket, pulling out two thin laminated cards, handing one to me.

"Eli this is a fake ID!" I shouted.

Eli's placed a hand on my mouth, a warning "SHHHH!" escaping his lips. "Clare, please refrain from telling the whole world about our criminal escapades." He said, looking around to make sure no one heard, before dropping his hand.

I knew Eli made fake ID's but I never anticipated using one myself. "When did you make this?" I asked him in an accusatory manner, my voice much quieter now.

"When we were dating, I was planning on giving it to you as a joke gift on your birthday but we-he paused clearing his throat.

I looked away my cheeks burning crimson. "But we broke up." I finished for him.

He nodded, "Ya, I guess I just never got around to getting rid of it. Anyway, I brought it tonight...you know just in case it might be of some use."

I wasn't sure if I was more concerned with the fake ID itself, or the fact that Eli had kept it. I chose the latter. "I can't use this." I said, reaching out for him to take it.

"Why not?"

I rolled my eyes, annoyed. "I don't know, because it's illegal."

"Isn't the point of being here, to break away from your Saint Clare reputation?"

"Yes but Eli, this seems like we're stepping over the line a bit. What is we get caught?"

"We won't. Just take a minute to remember the information on the card, and look natural when you go up. Trust me Clare, I'll be right behind you. I won't leave your side."

"Eli-

"Clare if you truly want to turn around and leave right now, I have no problem, but think hard about what you really want."

I rubbed my face unsure. Eli was right, ultimately this was my choice. And the only question I had to ask myself was if I was ready for the night to be over? And to be honest, I wasn't. I wasn't ready to go home, and re-enter the world of Saint Clare and her squeaky clean persona. I was confident Eli and I could finish this list, and I wouldn't allow doubt to cloud my initial instinct. I looked at the card, _"Clare Cheyenna Edwin (real original Eli)_..._19 years of age...birthday: April 4__h__ 1992._..._height: 5,4_."

I said the words to myself, memorizing them as best I could before nodding to Eli, letting him know I wasn't giving up on anything tonight.

...

"I can't believe we got in!" I shouted, in Eli's ear so he could hear me better. The music was just loud enough to block out our regular speaking voices, forcing us to practically yell everything and anything we had to say to each other.

Eli chuckled. "Considering how quickly you froze up when the bouncer asked you your birthday, I'm surprised we did."

I smiled in embarrassment, thinking just a few minutes back to the brutish looking man, with his suspicious glare and intimidating stature. I could feel my hands becoming clammy, and had practically suppressed the urge to turn and run for the hills. Eli however could sense my apprehension and instinctively placed his hand gently on the small of my back, instantly calming me enough to deliverer my lines beautifully.

"He was terrifying, you have to admit."

Eli shook his head, walking deeper into the club. I was right about it being narrow; the walls formed a distinct and long rectangular shape which pushed anyone inside the building into an uncomfortable shoulder to shoulder contact. The room was dimly lit and smelled of stale alcohol but for the most part it was tastefully decorated. Shrines of music legends decorated the dark maroon walls and were illuminated by pot lights. A long stretch of bar stood against the right wall and a railing in the center of the first floor overlooked to a wooden platform where a spiral of steps led to an even more crowded dance floor and stage just below. The music had stopped momentarily as the band sound checked, giving people in the club time to socialize. We took a seat at the bar and Eli being polite_, although already knowing the answer_, asked if I would like anything to drink. I shook my head and he smiled, nudging me with his elbow. "And here I thought I was going to have to carry you out tonight," he quipped.

"Are you not having anything?"

"I can't with the meds. Dr. Jordan has me on a strict no alcohol basis."

I nodded and Eli swiveled to face me in his stool. "So what do you think?" he asked, looking at me and then back around the club.

"That I look like the elephant in the room."

Eli frowned, "Clare no one cares what you look like. We're all here to have fun."

I smiled, relaxing a bit at Eli's smirk. We were sitting close enough that are knees lightly bumped against each other, but neither of us made the effort to move or sit back. "It's nice...I see why you and Adam come here so much."

"I seem to remember inviting you to join us a few times, way back when. Of course, you always declined my offer."

"I know, I know! But like my mom would have ever let me out of the house for this."

"I suppose not. "Good ol' Helen...I'm guessing her policy on the vulgarity of club hopping and heinous rock music hasn't changed then?"

I nodded, rolling my eyes.

"But you're here now."

"What can I say, Eli Goldsworthy you opened my eyes."

Eli laughed at this. "Glad to know I could be of some service."

Just then a young man approached us, his figure catching from the side of my eye. He stumbled a bit, his eyes drooping in a half drunken stupor. Sweat caused hair to stick to the creases on his forehead, and the top button of his shirt laid undone revealing little tuffs. He couldn't have been more than twenty with his baby face and flushed cheeks.

"Hey there!" He said, his eyes zeroing in on me as one side of his mouth tipped up in flirtatious half grin. "Have I seen you here before? He squinted, leaning in and forcing me to sit back against the bar. "Nope definitely not, I think I would have remembered a face as pretty as yours."

I blushed, and Eli scoffed annoyed.

"What's your name pretty girl?"

I grimaced at the smell of alcohol on his breath. "Cheyenna Edwin" I answered, deciding it best not to give the only real part of my fake name over and hoping he would take that and leave.

"Well Chey-che...sweet heart," he began, clearly too drunk to pronounce the name properly. "You are really something. Wanna dance?" He stumbled a bit as he spoke.

"She's not interested." Eli said his voice warning and filling me with nervousness.

The man glared at Eli. "Was I asking you?"

"No you weren't, how rude of me." Eli turned to me now. "Do you want to dance with this guy?"

I shook my head, making the man sneer something under his breath.

"Well there you have it; she doesn't want to dance with you. Must be surprising considering what an amazing catch you are."

"Eli- I began to say, knowing how easily he could get carried away with his words

"Do you have something to say to me? Cause we can take this outside," The man said, straightening and making me roll my eyes at his immaturity.

Eli chuckled indignantly. "You see that would require effort, and I've already spent way to much perfectly good sarcasm on you already."

"Let's go," I said to Eli shaking my head at him furtively. I sighed in relief when he nodded, the both of us slipping of the stools to walk away.

"Whatever!" The man yelled after us, making Eli stop. "There are way hotter bitches here anyway!"

"Eli..." I said again but it was too late. He turned, striding over to the man.

"Now that was rude, I hope you don't kiss your mother with that mouth. Of course I'm not sure why anyone would want you to kiss them." Eli said, with a livid smirk. He stepped closer bumping their chests, making the man stumble and then double back; pushing his forehead challengingly into Eli's, there's noses practically touching. Curious stares turned toward us.

I ran over, grabbing Eli's arm harder now, attempting to rip him away. "Don't!" I said angrily.

He breathed hard, glaring at the man with hateful distain, before sighing and stepping back. "You're not worth it," He breathed.

I swallowed as the man grinned in satisfaction and shot him a glare as I jerked Eli in the opposite direction.

"What the heck was that?" I spat once we were far enough away.

"I don't even know where that came from- Eli began, his voice desperate as I released him. "I shouldn't have acted that way."

"No kidding!" I said in frustration. I placed hand to my forehead and breathed allowing my anger to slowly subside. I shook my head, a tired snigger escaping my lips. Eli looked at me confused.

"I never thought I'd see the day when Eli Goldsworthy backed down from a fight. I guess some things really are changing."

Eli smirked. "Well I wasn't about to let you find an excuse to be pissed off at me again."

"I'm still a little pissed." I said to Eli frowning.

He nodded in apology, "I'm sorry, I was out of line."

We stood awkwardly for a few minutes before I spoke. "We just got here, no point in letting this ruin our night. Let's just forget what happened and move on okay?"

Eli smiled, nodding in return. "Okay...Wanna dance?" he asked, raising an eyebrow awkwardly and imitating the drunken lingo of the man we had just evaded.

"Eli!"

"Sorry! Sorry!" He laughed. "I'll be good."

...

The music was almost hypnotic. The band on stage, a new and up and coming punk rock group had powered the night covering the best of "Dead Hand," and I had captured the zeal of the music perfectly. I fell victim to the sound, shaking my hair in every direction and jumped up and down wildly to the tingling of the base under my feat. I couldn't remember a time when I had let go so easily. It was like all I had to worry about was the music and Eli beside me. Energy surged through me and I shook my hips, bumping into a girl at my side and nearly fell into Eli. He laughed, catching my shoulder and I was close enough to notice the single bead of sweat trickling down his neck.

"You alright?" Eli yelled to me over the commotion in the club. I nodded, panting to catch my breath but rapidly felt the pressure of blood as it rushed to my head. The room was like a sauna, and I swallowed, fighting back dizziness. I stumbled again and Eli looked at me concerned.

"I'm fine!" I shouted. "It's just little hot in here. I need some water to cool down."

Eli nodded, taking my arm and pushing through the crowd to get to the stairs. We came to a halt at the foot of the steps where an impossible throng of people stood blocking our path and with clearly no intention of moving.

I rubbed my temples and suppressed the powerful urge to bring up all over Banshee's expensive hard wood flooring.

Eli looked at the crowd annoyed, yelling futile requests to get them to move till finally giving up and coming back to where I stood.

"Clare, how are you feeling?" He asked, glaring at the crowd again.

"I think I gave myself vertigo with that last song."

"I can't get to the bar to get your water, they're blocking my way."

I closed my eyes breathing deeply. "To bad we can't just set off the fire sprinklers." I laughed, "You know? Kill two birds with one stone." I swallowed feeling as though I might actually throw up any minute and opened my eyes to tell Eli to step back. Only he was no longer standing in front of me. In fact he was nowhere in sight. I searched desperately among the hordes of unfamiliar faces, pushing back into the crowd searching and calling his name to no avail.

"_Great Clare...you're in unfamiliar territory...going to be sick and Eli has gone awol, what are you going to do now?"_ I clenched my jaw in frustration, saying Eli's name again. Just then, a soft chatter resonated from the ceiling causing everyone in the club to pause and look up. It was like everything in that instant happened in a mesmeric slow motion. The sprinklers came to life, a massive shower of water spurted from the ceiling, falling down on everything below. People screamed for cover, pushing in a stampede for the stairs. The band grabbed for their equipment and disappeared back stage. I looked around in shocked confusion as the water came down in powerful heaps, drenching my body and called for Eli again. Crowds continued to yell pushing passed and tossing my body in every which way. I looked around desperately, and then I felt it...a hand protectively take hold of mine. I looked up and Eli smiled down at me before pulling us toward the stairs. The water was falling hard enough to cloud the path in front of us and I tripped awkwardly as we squeezed into the crowd. People around us moved viscously for escape forcing Eli and I tightly against the wall. His chest pressed against my own and his hands lay against the wall to my sides. His eyes looked down into mine, soft and enticing and I swallowed noticing how his figure illuminated in the gleam of water and pot lights behind him. Droplets fell from his now soaked dark hair and he was breathing heavily, the warmness sending a shiver up my skin. I took note that we were close enough to kiss. That had always been a fantasy of mind, to kiss someone in the rain, well as close to rain as I could get. I clenched my jaw and immediately pushed the thought from my mind. The crowd slowly subsided and Eli and I remained where we stood, still staring into each other's eyes and neither caring about the water as it continued to fall down on us.

...

Eli and I laughed as the bartender leaned down over the railing, yelling from the first floor to "get our keister's the hell out of there before the fire trucks showed up." We ran up the stairs, slipping on the now saturated wood floor and stumbled out the door. I felt my stomach cramping and gasped, trying to calm down.

"What just happened?" I yelled in exhilaration. "I can't believe the sprinklers went off like that!"

Eli chuckled, running a hand through his drenched hair. "Ya, some freak accident or what?"

"I mean one second we're talking and the next..." I paused, my eyes widening with realization and turned to Eli. "It was an accident right?"

He smiled, reaching into his pocket and pulled out a lighter, flicking the ring once and allowing a tiny flame to illuminate.

"Eli you set off the sprinklers!"

"I can't take all the credit, it was your idea. Remember; kill two birds with one stone...now we can cross number three off the list as well."

I shook my head at him. "I was kidding...can't you understand the simplicity between humor and when someone is actually serious about something?" I groaned, slapping his arm.

"Ouch! Clare we pulled off a great prank, not to mention I pretty much saved you from passing out back there."

"Where did you get the lighter?

"I burrowed it off the guy who put the moves on you. I don't think he'll miss it too much."

"So you're also clepto maniac!"

Eli shook his head in amusement. "Are you really mad? You can't say that wasn't a little fun."

I bit my lip, remembering back to the hordes of frantic people and Eli's eyes as we remained pressed against the wall. "Maybe a little," I admitted. "But next time please warn me before you decide to ensue ciaos on innocent club goers."

Eli laughed, "Cross my heart."

I reached into my pocket, pulling out the now soggy napkin and examined it. "I guess we're done the list then." I said, with a rush of disappointment.

"I guess." Eli said, "But it's still only 11:30...do you think you could handle just a little more rebellion tonight? There's some place I want to show you."

...

It was an awkward twelve block bus ride, as the driver appraised our soaked clothing and dishevelled hair, immediately determining that Eli and I were nothing more than young punks up to know good. He sighed in relief as we took our stop, glad we hadn't taken the time to cause commotion on his bus and wasted no time speeding away as we stepped off onto the street. One hopped fence later and we were standing before Degrassi Community School. I glanced at Eli in bewilderment and he smirked, scuttling across the parking lot and too the side of the building where an iron clad ladder led upward to the roof.

"Anymore objections tonight?" Eli asked me teasingly.

I pierced my lips, stepping forward and pushed him out of the way, taking the ladder first. We had managed to evade security to this point, what possible reason could there be to turn back now? Eli laughed, taking the steps under me as I continued to climb upward.

I gasped in disbelief as I scaled the roof, taking in the wide expanse. It was magnificent; the dark porcelain like cement glimmered in the light reflected from the city. Wild flowers had managed to sprout somehow from the cracks in the earthwork; and the building was just high enough to make out the view of downtown, including the shimmer of Lake Front just a few miles away. I felt Eli behind me and turned to face him. "This is...beautiful." I breathed.

He smiled. "I like to come up here sometimes, when I need to clear my head. It helps me a lot. I thought it might do the same for you."

"It's really something," I agreed, rubbing my arms as a gust of cool air picked up around us.

"Are you cold?" Eli asked, not bothering to wait for an answer as he walked further onto the roof. He leaned down beside a large metal vent, coming up with a back pack in hand. I watched as he unzipped it, pulling out a blanket and smiled as he came back, throwing it over my shoulders. I noticed how his grip lingered for a few seconds before he let go.

"You've really made yourself at home up here." I joked as Eli walked back to bag, pulling out another blanket.

"It was getting harder to avoid security bringing a lot of stuff back and forth. Now I just leave a bag here with the essentials." He lifted the blanket in the air, letting it drift for a few seconds before spreading it gently on the vent.

"And no one suspects anyone's been up here before?"

"I assume there are some suspicions, but security not very tight after school hours. I've pretty much managed to elude the night guards."

Eli lay down, throwing his hands behind his head comfortably. He looked unreal somehow, with the light from the sky reflecting of his skin and his body unmoving like a peaceful statue. I smiled, walking over and laid beside him. The gesture felt surprisingly intimate and I wondered if I was perhaps crossing a line somehow, but unable to force myself to move away. We lay quiet for a few minutes, just staring up at the sky and the blackness above us. I couldn't help but sneak glances at Eli, taking the time to remember the soft curves of his face, afraid I may not get another chance to be close to him again. I breathed, calming the quiver in my stomach.

"Darcy and I used to lie out on our deck back in Georgian. We practically got eaten alive by mosquitoes every night but it didn't matter..."I chuckled, shaking my head. "We would just stay out there, staring at the stars."

Eli said nothing, his gaze still fixated above us.

"I miss it...you can barely see any out here in the city. The pollution blocks them out. "

"So why not go back?"

"My parents sold the cabin after the divorce. Just like that a little piece of my childhood gone." I snapped my finger, in exaggeration.

Eli nodded, "Maybe that stars will just have to come to you then."

I smiled. "And how do you suppose that?"

"I'm sure we can figure something out eventually."Eli breathed and than a soft chuckle escaped his lips. "Imogen likes to think that stars are tiny glowing aliens, stranded light-years away from their planet. "

Instantly I could feel my stomach sink at the mention of Imogen's name, but couldn't help but smile at Eli's statement.

"Is she serious?"

"I think in her own weird way she's able to believe in something completely implausible but find sense in it beyond what anyone else can see. It's what I admire about her the most."

My cheeks burned in resentment but I swallowed, suppressing an irritated jeer. "And how are things with you two?" I asked cooly.

Eli glanced over, furrowing his eyebrows, "Clare do you really want to discuss this?"

"Can't friends ask about these things?" I said innocently, but torturously wanting to hear the itty bitty details of their relationship.

Eli breathed, "Ideally we're great together. Sometimes I'm surprised by how much the two of us have in common..."

"But?"

"But what?"

"_But do you love her?"_ I wanted to ask. Instead I cowardly felt myself recoiling. "Nothing," I said quietly.

"Imogen and I...we just fit," Eli finished, his words cutting through me like a freshly sharpened knife.

I knew what Eli was really saying. That we never fit...that he was far happier and better off with Imogen as opposed to what we used to be. I swallowed, masking the pain twisting in my stomach with a viscous intent.

"How come you never told me about her?" I began. "Even after we started talking again."

Eli scoffed, "Clare I don't exactly remember getting the heads up when you and dream boy Martin started dating."

I wanted to tell him that things were different then, but there was no difference. I never once mentioned Jake to Eli after our break up. I felt guilty thinking back to how he must have felt in that moment, when he realised we were really over.

"You're right... I should have spoken to you about it."

Eli sighed, "You moved on Clare, I can't blame you for that. But me and Imo, we just sort of happened over the summer. I was able to see her in a new light and she thankfully forgave me for treating her so terribly those months. She gave me a chance, something I didn't really deserve."

I rolled on my side, resting my head on my hands to face him. Eli swallowed, lulling his head toward me, his gaze meeting my own. We stayed like that for a few minutes, unspeaking.

"Are you happy?" I breathed, daring to break our silence, and wanting more than anything to know Eli was truly okay. I had never stopped caring about him.

"Ya...," he smiled softly. "I am."

"Then I'm happy for you." I said to him. It was the truth. Despite my aversion toward Imogen...She made Eli better. And bizarrely, I appreciated her for it.

Eli smiled faded, staring at me unsure what to say. "Thankyou..."he finally whispered.

...

We talked for what seemed like hours; the two of us lying beside each other, bantering just like we used to. We left nothing out...just catching up on everything we missed over the rough months apart from being friends. I learned Eli was now exercising a lot more to control his mood swings, he was even taking spin classes after school. I told him about how it was getting harder to live with Jake, and continuing to be so secretive around our parents. I talked about my mom; how the marriage had only seemed to push us farther apart and how I was afraid I might lose her completely if she ever found out the truth.

"Clare you can't keep everything bottled up like this. She'll never know anything's wrong if you don't talk to her."

"I just feel like a burden for even bringing it up."

"You're her daughter, a top priority...not a burden. Don't ever think of yourself that way. I'm sure your mom senses something's wrong as well but she's not sure where all the hostility is resonating from. She'll be grateful you didn't keep her in the dark. And hey, if things get rough you can always stay with me...

I blushed and Eli shook his head awkwardly. "I mean, I would take the couch...you could crash in my room."

I nodded, "Who knows, I might take you up on that. Of course, I don't think Jake would agree." I paused, twiddling my thumbs nervously. "I'm just afraid that by saying the words out loud to her, the situation will become all too real. I'm not sure I'm ready to face that."

Eli chuckled. "Edward's how much more real can it get. Your living with your boyfriend slash stepbrother and a new step dad."

I laughed, "Maybe so...but I'm still not ready to talk to her about it, at least not yet."

"Well I commend you when you do."

I smiled, sitting up and checking my phone. Immediately my stomach sank, it was close to 2:00 in the morning and there was no doubt I would hear an earful from my mom and Glen when I got home. "Speaking of, I should probably head back." I said disappointedly.

Eli sat up as well, stretching. "I guess it is getting pretty late huh?"

I handed him the blanket and he stuffed it back in the bag, zipping it and placing it back in its regular hiding place. We climbed down the steps, Eli placing two hands on my hips securely as I hopped down from the last step. His fingers trailed along my belt line and I felt my breath hitch in my throat as I turned to face him.

"Clare..." Eli began to say, his voice nearly a whisper.

"Ya?"

He opened his mouth to speak and a beam of light flashed across Eli's chest, catching his attention. A sly smirk perked up on his face and his hand reached down, grabbing mine. "Run!" he yelled just as the shouts of two night guards called after us.

"Wait! Don't move!" One of the guards shouted as Eli and I sped to the fence, and clumsily threw ourselves onto the steal rings, climbing as quickly as we could. I could hear their urgent footsteps chasing after us, as I tossed myself over the edge, surprisingly landing on my feet before Eli grabbed my hand once more and pulled me down the street. I glanced behind me, noticing the two guards trying to unlock the fence in frustration, till finally the chains came lose, falling on the pavement with a clang!

"Go!" I screamed, as the guards continued their pursuit. Eli sped up, as we stepped onto a busy intersection. We paused for a minute, catching our breath. "Stay there!" one of the guards yelled again, just a few meters away,

"They don't give up do they?" I gasped.

Eli smirked, the both of us taking off into the street, welcomed by the angry honks of cars as they sped by. We turned the corner and Eli yanked me into an ally between two buildings. We pressed against the cold brick, concealed by shadows as the guards zoomed past us, continuing down the road. After a few minute, Eli checked if the coast was clear and nodded to me. Still laughing and panting uncontrollably, we dared to step out of the darkness.

The walk home was quiet. Somehow neither of us wanted to sully the moment with words. I looked up at my house, the lights still on and wondered if everyone had stayed up waiting for me. I turned to Eli and he smirked, placing his hands in his pocket and shrugged. "I'll see you at school?"

I nodded, and started up the driveway.

"So did you end up finding your inspiration?" Eli called after me, still lingering where he stood.

I paused, my hand on the door know and turned back to him with a smile. "Well...this was definitely a summer to remember."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Everybody's Fine

**A/N: Hey everyone! So sorry for the late review but I was having some writers block for a little while. Anyways here's the next chapter for you guys. I know its a lot shorter than the others but I wanted to post something sooner rather than later. There's still plenty more chapters yet to come and it's all leading up to an amazing plot line so hang in there with me! Thanks guys for reading and don't forget to review as well! Enjoy:)**

It's an odd feeling when your mind starts to play tricks on you. Like when your thoughts shift from one extreme emotion to the next and you have no idea how you ended up from Point A to point B in such a short amount of time. Take me for example, a prime example of such a formidable psyche meltdown. I walked into my house, practically having to bite back the ridiculous smile which still lingered on my lips long after Eli had disappeared from my doorstep, and now I was standing in the living room, a victim to the cold and appraising eyes of my mother, with Glen at her side; their arms crossed and staring at me with a look of utter contempt.

"Clare Diana Edwards, where in heavens name have you been?" my mother asked. Her voice rose, not quite like a shout but still in a way I had never heard before.

I clenched my jaw agitatedly. _So Jake had decided not to cover for me then._ I guess I couldn't blame him, but considering the many times I had covered for him when he had skipped curfew with Drew, I couldn't help but feel slightly betrayed no matter how trivial it might seem.

"I was working on an assignment for school." I answered plainly, deciding it best to stretch the truth as far as it could reach, "Guess I just lost track of time". I still hadn't told mother about my partnership with Eli and I intended to keep it that way. After the whole hearse fiasco, she made it quite clear where she stood on Goldsworthy front and let's just say the word "unstable" was a mere understatement to her disapproval.

"What kind of assignment has you working till two in the morning on a school night? And how could you not even think about phoning us? We were about ready to call the police!" She paused, shaking her head disappointedly, "This sort of behaviour I'd expect from someone else's child but not you!"

I felt my stomach sink with guilt, seeing her so frantic, but a deeper more pained feeling was rising inside me. Couldn't she see I wasn't her little angel anymore. First and foremost I just wanted to be Clare, a normal teenage girl who broke the rules once in a while.

"Mom I'm sorry-

"I can't believe you would do this to us Clare, that you would be this irresponsible!"

Tears stung at the bridges of my eyes and the slightest jolt of energy surged through my hands causing them to shake at my sides. It wasn't due to my mother's perpetual guilt trip or even Glen's judgmental glare...I was now seeing only through a pent up shade of resentment and anger. "You never chastised Darcy like this or even Jake! Why are you treating me like some kind of criminal?"

"Clare you broke our trust. How do you expect us to treat you?"

"Treat me like your daughter! A daughter who makes mistakes, a daughter you actually care about...

My mother reeled back as if I had physically punched her. "How could you say I don't care about you?"

"You haven't thought about anyone but yourself for a long time mom! It's like you've lost interest in anything not having to do with you! So please spare us both the time and energy and just continue on with your life and your perfect marriage and don't pretend to lose sleep over me because we both know you won't-

"Clare that's enough!" Glen's firm voice cut me off. "I think it's best if you go to your room and cool down. It's late so we'll discuss the terms of your grounding tomorrow." His eyes were fierce, stepping in front of my mother with an authority anyone would back down to; anyone but a heated fifteen year old girl.

"Grounded?" I laughed cynically. "Real original Glen, let me guess, no TV or computer privileges for an entire week?"

"Go!" He ordered, pointing up the stairs.

"You don't get to tell me what to do in my own house! I was here before you." I crossed my arms defiantly and the two of us glared at each other...neither ready to give up on the world's most intense staring contest.

My mother stepped between us, her eyes glazed over with tears but somehow still able to bore into me, as though reaching into every weak crevice of my body. "Clare I really thought you were above all this pettiness when it came to the wedding."

_Did she really just call me petty? Couldn't she see that not everything revolved around her marriage...that there was more going on here than that? _I swallowed, glaring at my mother, more than hurt by the condemnation of her tone, like all her worldly problems revolved around me and me alone. "Well I've guessed we've clarified that you know nothing about me then," I said, my voice catching in my throat.

"Clare bear-my mother began, but it was too late, I had already turned away from her...closed off in a way I never thought was possible between us. I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand, storming down the hall to my room. As I ripped open the door, ready to make my final statement, I froze. Jake stood, leaning in his doorway giving me a look of disappointment not unlike Glen and my mother. I swallowed, staring at him, feeling a new sob burn in the back of my throat. I wanted to scream at him, to ask how he could look at me like that, how he could take their side in all of this; instead all I could do was stare.

I felt my hand clench and unclench against the knob.

Jake frowned at me, his expression stained with hurt. I wasn't sure what he must be thinking, his girlfriend coming home so late in the morning in the company of an ex; but I was tired of feeling guilty when I did nothing wrong.

My grip tightened on the doorknob one final time and before I could talk myself out of it or even begin to think of the consequences tomorrow would bring, I swung the door closed, allowing it to slam in Jake's face, and for the noise to echo through the house, no-doubt causing a final and lasting impact with my mother.

I stood there for a only few seconds breathing deeply, the blood boiling beneath my skin, feeling surprised I hadn't yet collapsed from the impact of tonight's events and chuckled indignantly to myself. Eli said that real writing comes from real emotion...and whether it be enthusiasm or anger surging through my body right now, all I know is that if this isn't grounds for real writing I don't know what is.

...

1 Week Later

"_So Degrassi, as we are forced to toss aside our sandals and sunglasses in lieu of cotton polo's and kaki shorts, of bustling hallways and late night study sessions, we must hold onto the memories of this summer like those before it...knowing we were there for every laugh, for every broken heart and every broken rule. And as we sit in class, with our fingers tapping to an impulsive rhythm on the desk, we can only hope for the feeling of sand between our toes and salt water in our nostrils, counting down to the day when new memories can finally be made."_

Eli grinned, rolling a copy of the Degrassi Daily in his hands as he finished reading the final lines to the article I had written. We were standing by his locker, along with Adam, Fiona and much to her displeasure a sullen Imogen.

"Clare this is one of your best works yet." Eli said, handing the paper to me.

I blushed, tucking the paper in my bag and thanked him. Eli had been the first person to pick up a copy of the Daily once it was published. The moment the bell rang for lunch, he made it a show to gather up whoever he could and broadcast my success publicly. Although completely embarrassed, I was also flattered and even a tiny bit touched by his sentiment.

"I agree Clare." Fiona added, patting me on the shoulder with a genuine air of approval. "The article is great."

"I had some help." I told her, glancing at at Eli.

He smirked, "What can I say...I'm a miracle worker."

"No you're just cocky," I huffed

"Cocky and confident are two very different things Edward's."

"Oh okay, so what's the difference between pompous and arrogant then?"

We both laughed, welcomed by a terse sigh from Imogen. She linked her arm in Eli's, meeting my gaze with one of her signature glares.

"As much as I hate to break up this little celebratory hurrah for Clare Edwards ..." she paused, turning to Eli, "may I remind you Muffin that you promised to be the model for my art project this lunch."

"Right the art project..." Eli breathed. "I forgot about that."

"Eli if we don't get started, I'll never finish by next period," She said with a pout.

He frowned, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "Alright then, let's go." he said, his voice practically a mope as he took her hand. The two quickly said their goodbyes and headed toward the art room.

"Have fun!" Adam called, with a mocking chuckle.

"So what do you think it'll be this time?" Fiona asked with a smile, her question directed to Adam.

"I'm guessing acrylic paint, or maybe even plaster. You know Imogen, she doesn't like to cut corners with her art."

I looked at them, furrowing my eye brows in confusion. "Okay, what am I'm missing here?"

Fiona and Adam glanced at each other, smiling.

"You see Clare," Fiona began, "being Imogen's model is about as literal as it sounds. Last time Eli volunteered to help her, she covered him head to toe in modelling clay."

Adam let out a laugh, "She wouldn't let him move for three hours till it was completely dry."

My eyes widened, "You're kidding me! So how come he keeps agreeing to help her?"

"Eli might try to hide behind the whole tough guy facade but he would do anything for the people he cares about." Fiona answered.

"Ya," I said with a smile, thinking back to our night on the roof. "He would."

"I think that's why Imogen's one of the hardest people for him to say no to," she added.

I swallowed anxiously. Adam seemed to notice because he stepped closer, nudging me back to my senses. "I'm about ready to die of starvation. Wanna grab some lunch?"

I nodded, smiling at him. We started walking to the cafeteria and a patch of red plaid caught between the corner of my eye. I paused, turning to see Jake at his locker a few meters down the hall.

Adam and Fiona stopped as well.

I glance at them and then back to Jake. "Umm, I'll catch up with you guys in a sec. I think I see Jake."

They nodded, heading into the cafeteria. I took a breath, walking over to where Jake stood. He had his body angled into the locker, emptying out his book bag.

"Hey..." I said softly as I came up beside him.

He stepped back, giving me a quick look before turning back to the open locker. "Hey," he answered, his tone curt and impassive.

I shifted nervously, leaning my back on the locker beside his. Despite my apologies for the fight we had had a week ago and my constant insisting that mine and Eli's relationship was completely platonic, there still seemed to be a lingering wall of unsaid words and bitterness between us that I knew Jake hadn't yet gotten over.

I scratched my head, unsure how to pick up the conversation. "So...Adam and Fiona are having lunch, if you want to join?" I offered hopefully.

He breathed, filling his bag with random items as if needing to appear busy. "I can't-I'm sort of helping a friend with something." He glanced at his phone. "Actually I was supposed be at the dot by now."

"A friend?" I asked curiously.

"Yes Clare a friend, you know I do have a life outside of our relationship."

I stepped back, surprised by his sudden hostility. "You know I didn't mean it like that."

Jake sighed, shutting his locker. "I know...listen, I'm just a little on edge. Chen gave me another detention today and now I'm late." He turned toward me, giving me a quick peck before pulling away much too quickly. I pierced my lips, feeling like somehow the kiss felt different almost hesitant in a way. "I'll see you after school okay?"

I nodded and he turned the other way, jutting down the hall before I could say another word.

...

I decided to skip Bio. Somehow the study of Arthropods just didn't seem appealing at the moment. My stomach still twisted from my conversation with Jake, _or should I say lack of conversation_ and I just couldn't seem to focus my thoughts in class. I told Mrs. Shaw I wasn't feeling well and snuck Adam a quick glance of apology as I headed out the door. I was at my locker, when I heard it; a noise like a locker door slamming, and then again like it was coming closer. I stood looking around to see where it had come from, following the sound around the corner till I was face to face with a giant piñata...or at least what looked like one. Eli was stumbling through the hall way, covered in a mess of plaster and cardboard with colourful streamers and glitter glinting off of him in the florescent lighting.

I grinned, seeing how he waddled in the misshapen figure molded around him. He crashed into another locker, losing his balance and falling onto his back, struggling like a flipped turtle.

I walked over, standing over him, beaming. "The auction was one thing Eli, but this is a whole new level of low."

"Clare!" Eli said embarrassed. "What are you doing here?"

I chuckled. "You know, I was really contemplating not skipping class today...but now I'm so glad I did."

He gawked, rolling his eyes. "Edward's are you just going to stand there and laugh at me all day, or are you going to help me up."

I smiled reaching down and taking Eli's hand, pulling him back to his feet.

"Thanks," He muttered, dusting himself off. He turned back to me raising an eye brow through his paint covered features. "So your skipping class huh?"

"I have skipped before Eli."

"Ya, but that was with me."

"So?"

"So here I thought your rebellious side was all burnt out from last week and now I catch you skipping class? Something tells me I'm a bad influence, like maybe I opened up a Pandora's box with you Edward's."

I crossed my arm, chewing the inside of my cheek in annoyance. "Do you want me to help you out of this get up or not?"

He smiled, nodding.

I grabbed his hand, dragging him down the hall and into the girl's bathroom.

"Uhh, not too sure I should be in here." Eli began but was quickly distracted as his eyes examined the room. "Why is your bathroom so much nicer than ours?"

"It's the exact same bathroom." I said, as if this were the most obvious thing. "Guys are just gross."

"Hey now, I resent that statement."

I smiled, pushing Eli against the counter and beginning to peal of the layers of plaster. "So what exactly was Imogen going for with this project anyway?"

"Not really sure, but the words "abstract" and "rebirth" were used a lot."

"Well it's certainly interesting."

"Interesting is an understatement. You know some people thing that a person's artwork is the window to their soul. If that's the truth, I'm going to have a really hard time figuring Imogen out."

I chuckled, shaking my head and pulling the final piece of plaster off of him. Eli smiled, leaning off the counter and stretching. "That thing weighed like a hundred pounds, I'm not even kidding."

I placed a hand on his chest, pushing him back into position. "Slow your roles Goldsworthy, you're not done yet."

I walked into a stall, pulling out a long strand of toilet paper and wetting it under the tap.

Eli watched as I raised a hand, gliding the damp paper down his cheek. He breathed, his face softening a bit in surprise. I swallowed, staring at him, my hands shaking.

"Adam was right," I laughed nervously.

Eli smiled his eyes boring into my own. "About what?"

"He said Imogen would probably be using plaster or acrylics for her project. He was right."

Eli smirked. "Huh..."

I swallowed, wondering if I imagined how closely he was now leaning toward me.

"Well now I know who to look for if I need an analysis on fine art projects." He whispered.

He stepped off the counter, his body only inches from mine. "And who to count on to help clean up the mess."

I smiled up at him, my hand still lingering on his cheek, just as to freshmen burst through the door. Eli and I stumbled apart, as the girls prattled to each other, neither noticing our presence right away; till finally their eyes landed on Eli.

"Umm in case you haven't noticed. The boys room is next door," one of the girl's spat, her eyes narrowing.

"Oh my! Is it?" Eli quipped, "They really need to put some signs on these doors."

"There are signs on the doors." The other girl added in an obnoxious tone that made me want to roll my eyes at her a thousand times over.

"Are there now?"

"Yes right on the front of them!"

"Well I'll just have to pay more attention next time." Eli smiled, looking down at me. "Well thanks for all the help partner but I better head to class, have a good afternoon."

I nodded, and he turned back to the girls, giving a final salute before spinning out the room.

The girls stared in confusion at the closed door and back at me. "No offence, but your boyfriend's kind of weird." One of them grimaced, walking forward and fluffing her hair in the mirror.

I smiled, biting back the laugh in my throat, and wondering why I hadn't bothered to correct her.

**A/N: Well there you have it! Hope you enjoyed, I'll try to update the next chapter as soon as possible for you guys. Special thanks to everyone who's taken the time to review this story...it's still going because of you!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey everyone! In honour of the Degrassi premier and the amazing eclare scenes I just had to update this week! Here's the next chapter for you guys, enjoy. Still plenty more to come so I hope you'll all stick around with me and don't forget to leave comments. I always love hearing what you guys have to say! Can't wait till the next episodes and here's hoping the writers stick to this amazing eclare plotline for the show. Till the next episode, hopefully this wil tie you over:)**

Chapter 7: When Good Ghouls go Bad

"Clare please just get in the truck," Jake called for me through the passenger side window. He was driving slowly, making sure to keep steadily with my pace.

I straightened, crossing my arms and lifting my chin indifferently, not even bothering to acknowledge him as I continued to walk down the street. Tiny costumed figures zoomed past me excitedly; their candy filled pillow cases swaying heavily in their grip as they raced to the nearest houses. Parents tiredly strained to keep up and glanced charily at Jake and me before rushing off.

"Clare come on your making a scene, people are watching us."

_Making a scene? Okay that got me._

I turned on Jake, throwing my hands in the air in exasperation. "How do you expect me to react when you haven't been able to lift your jaw of the ground since we left the house? And not in that whole, Oh wow great costume Clare kind of way. Oh no, your reaction was much closer to...what the hell is my girlfriend thinking wearing that hideous thing?"

Jake frowned; tapping his thumbs hastily on the wheel, trying to determine what to say without setting me off.

_Good luck._

"It's just...you said you were going to the dance as a catholic school girl. So I don't know, I just pictured something a little different...sexier I guess." He winced a bit, looking between me and the road.

"Give me some credit Jake. Don't you think I'd be more creative than that?"

"Listen Clare, the zombie thing just caught me off guard. Sue me for being a little freaked out."

"It's Halloween Jake, getting freaked out is sort of a give in."

Jake sighed, dropping his head tiredly. "Please Clare; I'm responsible for getting you to the dance safely. So you can walk the next eight blocks to Degrassi with me driving up your rear or you can get in the truck and let me drive you." He gave a weak smile, reaching over and opening the door for me. I looked down the street and back at him. Jake patted the seat temptingly and I sighed walking over to him and getting in.

"This doesn't change the fact that I'm still mad at you." I said, adding a pout for clarity.

Jake didn't say anything, as he placed the truck back in drive and continued down the road.

After about a minute of silence I gave into my own stubbornness, turning toward him. "So what is it exactly you don't like about my costume?"

"Clare-

"No really Jake, tell me. Or is it just the fact that you prefer your girlfriend to wear something more degrading on Halloween?"

The truck lurched to a stop, the rubber wheels screeching against the pavement in protest. Our bodies heaved forward and slammed against the seat with a harsh thud.

"What the heck was that for?" I asked, angrily shifting in my seatbelt.

"Let's get one thing straight Clare, I never asked you to degrade yourself for me. I'm sorry I misinterpreted what you told me but you are completely twisting my words. I wasn't expecting you to dress like a zombie yes, but that hardly gives you the right to treat me like some chauvinistic pig. Besides what does it matter if I like your costume or not?"

I pierced my lips, feeling guilty. I knew Jake had never purposely tried to hurt me but something about his expression left me feeling completely dishearten. Maybe it had been due to the amount of effort I had actually put into my costume. I was wearing my old private school uniform; and had teased my hair till it sat as a dishevelled mess on my head; in comparison my skin was now painted to mirror the complexion of a discolored and rotted corpse. I had even gone as far as getting contacts which clouded my eyes in a sheath of white, only allowing the slightest trace of a pupil to be visible. Jake however, hadn't even bothered to get a real costume; instead just throwing on one of his dad's old cowboy hats on and his regular plaid button up. It seemed that in the past, he had once cared so much about acknowledging the little details in our relationship, but now could care less.

I turned away from him and rested my forehead against the window dejectedly. "Forget it; let's just go to the dance."

Jake glanced at me irritated before shaking his head and turning back to the road. "Fine, whatever."

...

We pulled up to Degrassi and stepped out of the truck, still neither of us made the mood to speak. Jake didn't bother taking my hand nor did I bother reaching for his. My mood had effectually been waned for the evening and I was about ready to forget the whole dance and call it a night. That was until we stepped into the gymnasium and momentarily my heart stopped. The gym had been remarkably decorated into a scene taken right out of the Adams Family. Once again Fiona proved how capable she could be when dedicated to something. With a little help from student council and her mom's cheque book she had really managed to make the dance her own. Ghostly creatures hung in surrounding areas of the gym, looming down on the dancing guests. Beautifully tattered fabric draped from the chipped and worn wooden tables and chairs. Antique cobwebbed candlesticks dimly the room and posed with departed red roses as the centerpieces. A single dust covered grand piano lay broken on its side in a corner of the gym. Within six short hours she had created the illusion of a terrifyingly stunning and abandoned ballroom.

My ears filled with the lyrics to Boris Pickett's "Monster Mash" and I grinned, taking in everyone's costumes. It seemed like all sorts of creatures had come out tonight.

Jake stood beside me, his eyes wide to the scene before him. He stepped further into the room, standing on his tip toes and arching his neck upward, examining the mob.

"Are you looking for someone?" I asked, my tone sounding more suspicious than I had hoped.

Jake set back on his feet, rubbing the back of his neck. "What? Oh no" He paused, allowing a drawn laugh to escape his lips. "No I was just checking out these awesome decorations. Is that real silk drapery?"

I gave him an unconvinced look. "Jake, what's going on?"

"Nothing Clare," Jake answered, and I wondered if I was simply imagining his defensiveness. I tilted my head at him incredulously and his lips perked up in a feigned smile.

He threw his arm over my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. "Come on, what do you want to do?"

I felt my previous mood decapitate at the gentle feeling of him so close to me and allowed the wall to slowly lower. "Do you want to dance?" I asked eager to forget the tension between us.

"Orrrr... you could get us a seat and I'll grab us something to eat." Jake suggested instead.

"How can you still be hungry after we just had dinner?"

"I'm sort of a bottomless pit; I thought you would have caught onto that by now." He chuckled, attempting to lighten the mood.

I looked at Jake unsure and he placed his hands on my shoulder, gently stirring me toward the tables. "Go...I'll be right over."

I sighed, "Okay fine, but then we dance."

He nodded, turning toward the dance floor as I walked over to a nearly empty table. The only other inhabitants being a sophomore couple I had seen in the hall once or twice. I couldn't help but simper at the ridiculousness of their situation as they struggled to kiss through their matching salt and pepper shaker costumes.

I could see traces of plaid immerging through the heavy crowd till finally Jake returned setting a plate of finger hors d'oeuvres in front of me. "Not really sure what any of this stuff is, but I just got a bit of everything."

"It's perfect," I answered, ignoring the way my stomach twisted fearfully at the odd selection of food.

Jake gave a quick half hearted smile, placing his hands in his pocket. He shifted on his heals restlessly, while his eyes continued to move about the different faces on the dance floor.

I bit my lip, tapping my fingers on the table in agitation. "Are you going to sit down?" I finally asked, gesturing to the still empty seat beside me."

Jake blinked as if realising I was still there and coming back to his senses. "Ya, Ya I am...but, I need to head back to the truck for just a second."

"What? Why?" I asked, no longer hiding the annoyance in my voice.

"I left the doors unlocked and you know how the city is Clare. My dad would kill me if something happened to that truck."

"I'm sure your dad's truck will be fine."

"It's better to be safe than sorry, isn't it?"

"Jake-

"I'll be right back Clare, just five minutes."

I turned away from him, resting my chin on my hand in frustration. Jake lingered where he stood, I'm sure contemplating whether or not to leave in his head. After a few seconds he finally sighed and headed out the gym doors.

...

Fifteen minutes, that's how long I had been waiting for Jake since he supposedly left his truck unlocked. I speared my fork into something that looked moderately appetizing and stuck it in my mouth, chewing loudly. The couple across the table gawked at me and I narrowed my eyes at them, wondering how two people dressed as salt and pepper shakers could point fingers. I sighed, examining the euphoric atmosphere of the other students, my stomach twisted the moment my eyes landed on four figures in the centre of the dance floor. KC, Conner, Wesley and...Ally, they were laughing and goofing around the same way we always used to. I smiled to myself, watching as Wesley's Einstein wig fell clumsily from his head and Ally's cat tale tangled in KC's Dark Night cape as they both bent down to pick it up. A couple of weeks ago I might have been dancing beside them, but now I just couldn't seem to force myself to stand and join. Too many bridges had been burned to ever have the same relationship with any of my old friends. I swallowed the lump rising in my throat, spearing another item on my plate.

"My oh my Clare Edwards, don't you look rapturous." A smooth voice spoke behind me.

I felt a sudden sting of energy run under my skin and turned to face Eli. He stood above me, smirking and I took the moment to examine his costume. He was wearing a red cape, with a white shirt beneath a black button down vest. His hair had also been slicked back, infusing a clean cut vampire image that fit him perfectly.

"Hey." I said to him, my voice coming out shaky.

"Hey yourself," He answered, taking the seat beside me. He gave me a quick look of understanding, before glancing toward the figures on the dance floor. "It's okay to miss them you know. They were your friends after all."

"I don't miss them-I mean I do...sometimes. But, it's all in the past now. I've moved on."

"Clare-

"Really Eli, I'm over it."

Eli tilted his head, incredulous to my words but smiled anyways, choosing to change the subject.

"You look great by the way. Well about as great as a fetid cadaver can look; I'm a little terrified just sitting beside you right now."

I chuckled, "Ya, well at least someone likes my costume. You could say Jake was none too happy about it."

Eli furrowed his eyebrows questioningly.

"You see...I sort of told him I was going to the dance as a catholic school girl, only I left out the whole undead part."

Eli leaned back in his chair, letting out a laugh.

"I thought it would be a good surprise!" I defended, "I didn't think he would care so much."

"Edwards, that's like telling a homeless person they just one the lottery and then ripping up the ticket right in front of them. You ripped up Jake's ticket."

"Eli I hardly would compare winning the lottery to my costume dilemma."

"To a hormonal teenage guy they are one in the same."

I laughed, pushing him in the shoulder.

"Hey, you should take it as a compliment that he finds the real you more appealing than this one."

I swallowed, glancing at the gym doors. Eli's gaze followed my own. "Where is Martin anyway?" He asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Oh! Uhhh..." I twisted a napkin in my hands anxiously. "He left his wallet in the truck so he just went out to get it. He should be back any second" I lied, not willing to let Eli know just how long I had been waiting for Jake to return.

Eli nodded, taking the fork from my plate and popping a hors d'oeuvre in his mouth. I grinned as his features distorted in disgust. He grabbed the napkin from me, spitting it out. "Remind me to tell Fiona to hire a better caterer next time. What the heck was that anyway?"

"No idea. I've just been picking around the purple stuff."

Eli's face squelched. "Whatever happened to good ole fashion cheeseburgers and pizza?"

I laughed, "Who would have guessed Dracula to be a fast food junkie?

"Oh please Clare, Dracula? He has nothing on me. I'm about a thousand times his senior and a hell of a lot more bad ass."

"You even have the battle scars to prove it." I joked, inadvertently reaching up and touching the two birthmarks on his necks which resembled bite marks.

Eli coughed slightly, making me drop my hand.

_Why did you just do that Clare?_

I looked away, beginning to trace my finger along the rim of my glass. One questioned screamed in the back of my throat and as hard as I tried to swallow it down, I just couldn't seem to stop the words from escaping my mouth.

"What about Imogen, Where is she tonight?" I asked, unable to hide the way my voice cracked at the thought that he might have come alone.

He grinned, immediately squashing that notion. "She's around here somewhere; last I've seen she was dragging Adam to the Chemistry lab to bob apples."

I nodded disappointedly and he moved getting to his feet. "But I better head back, before she notices I snuck out of it. You're welcome to join of course."

"I shook my head, not willing to face another one of Imogen's aloof glares. "Go ahead, Jake should be back soon."

Eli stared at me knowingly for a few seconds, before flashing another gentle smirk. "Well you know where to find us if you change your mind." He offered; and with a final animated flick of his cape, he disappeared within the crowded dance floor.

...

The moment Eli was out of sight I took out my phone and texted Jake for what seemed like the tenth time. After about thirty seconds with no response I decided to go look for him myself.

I made my way through the heavy mob and out the back doors into the parking lot. After checking to make sure the truck was indeed locked and finding Jake nowhere in sight I headed back, thinking to search for him inside. There was something eerie about the darkened hallways or perhaps it was just the atmosphere of the night that caused me to cross my arms fearfully over myself. If this had been a cliché horror movie, I'd definitely be one of the first to go. The sound of music and hyper students gradually became nothing more than a soft purr as I continued further into the school, looking cautiously around each corner and whispering Jake's name with no reply. I felt my stomach beginning to sink, wondering if something might have happened to him in the short distance from the gym to the parking lot when a quiet laugh echoed in my ear. I jumped; my heart beat swiftly and I breathed trying to steady my pulse. The same laugh rang out once more, clearly female. I felt a twinge of familiarity, knowing I had heard the laugh before but unable to place where, or who exactly it was coming from. I followed the soft chortles till I stood just outside the music room. The door was shut, but I could still make out the faintest sound of voices. Almost immediately I recognised Jake's low chuckle emanate from the other end. Without a moment's hesitation I turned the knob, pushing through the door.

My body froze; I mean literally every muscle in my body stood still. Jenna's eyes widened as her gaze caught mine. Jake sat on the piano bench, facing her with his back to me. He was still chuckling and I could only guess he caught the expression on her face because he turned, his smile immediately dropping. He stood quickly, walking over to me.

"Hey Clare-he smiled, letting out a culpable laugh.

My gaze remained on Jenna for a few seconds before I turned toward him, my eyes flaring. "Five minutes huh?"

He scratched his head nervously, "I was heading back to the dance, but then I ran into Jenna and-

"You got distracted?"

"Ya, I mean no...Listen it's not what you think-

"I've been waiting for you for over twenty minutes Jake! What, you couldn't be bothered to simply text me back and let me know you didn't get hit by a bus or something? No of course not, because you were too busy getting cozy to care."

"Clare stop, that's not it at all! Remember that friend I told you about? The one I've been helping out over the past couple weeks?"

I felt my body heat up with a deep irate sensation. "Jenna is the friend you've been hanging out with at lunch and after school almost every day? What could you two possibly have in common?"

Jenna stepped forward with tense smile. A smile I had seen all too many times and had learned to be weary of. "Jake's been helping me with my song for open mike." She answered for him.

My featured twisted in confusion and I turned to Jake for a better answer, "H-how did this even come about?"

He rubbed his face, letting out a sigh. "Mrs. Oh asked me to fix some screws on a few of the music stands one afternoon. While I was in the class room, Jenna was practicing her song new song. We got to talking, and I've been giving her a few tips ever since." Jake paused, his eyes meeting mine. "That's all Clare."

"You? Jake Martin, who can barely sing a decent note in the shower, has been giving Jenna Middleton pointers on how to write her own song?"

"Jake's been a really big help." Jenna added, "He's been a great support throughout the whole writing process. It's been hard to write about...everything, but Jake's been helping me see things from a different perspective. You're really lucky Clare, to have a guy as sensitive as him."

_Jake sensitive?_ She clearly hadn't seen the side of him which still thought belching the alphabet was cool.

"Open mike at the Coffee House isn't even for another month? How come you're getting started now?"

Jenna let out an amused titter. "Clare, my songs don't just take a few days to write. Half the time I'm spending weeks just trying to get the chorus down-"

I turned to Jenna lifting my index finger. "Can you just give us a minute please?" I asked, my voice straining to remain composed.

She swallowed, but nodded, walking past us and out of the room.

I waited till the door was shut and turned back to Jake. "That's all that this is...really? You're just helping her with a song? I asked, wanting to give Jake the benefit of the doubt in this situation. "Because if not Jake-just tell me right now."

"Yes Clare." Jake solemn voice urged. He took my hands between his own, pulling me closer to him. "That's all; I would never hurt you like that."

He leaned down, giving me a gentle kiss on the lips, so full of sincerity I found it hard to believe anything else. I pulled away, resting my face against his chest. "Okay..."I whispered in his shirt. "I can live with that, as long as that's all that's going on."

"It's the truth Clare." He said, wrapping his arms around me. "I didn't mean to keep you waiting, I was trying to get away but Jenna just wouldn't let me leave. She said she had a sudden epiphany and I needed to hear it."

I breathed, pulling out of his grip. "I believe you." I told him, trying to ignore the way my stomach continued to twist uneasily.

"You're an amazing girlfriend Clare, I'd never want to jeopardize losing you. So can we just forget the past hour and just have fun tonight?"

I pierced my lips, but nodded. Like him, I just wanted to rewind this whole evening and start again. Jake smiled, taking my hand again and tugging me toward the door. Come on then girlfriend...I owe you a dance."

**As you may have noticed, I make reference to the Degrassi season 10 monster moon promo in the chapter. Just want to point out I do not own Degrassi, or any of it's characters. But if you haven't already seen the monster moon short, which I doubt...go check it out. Till next time guys!**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: We Can't Run From The Past

**A/N: Hey my awesome readers, here's the next chapter. Not my favourite but I knew it was about time I updated. Sorry for the long wait. I do not own Degrassi or any movies I reference in this chapter. Thanks guys for the amazing support and if you have time, don't forget to review. Oh, and could the mid season finale have been any better...Eclare all the way!**

I never know how to react in uncomfortable situations, especially situations I'm not supposed to be in the first place. The moment classes had been dismissed for the day, Adam had found Eli and me, asking us to help him prepare for his date. Two months had passed since the first day of school when Adam had originally professed his love for his English partner Hannah. Two painful months of watching our best friend pine over a girl who he never thought he had a chance with and two months of us trying to convince him otherwise. After those grueling ninety days of blood, sweat and tears (not necessarily just Adam's) we had finally managed to get him to ask her out. Almost immediately after the regret rolled in and Adam quickly became a lamented mess. Of course, it was up to us to keep him from doing something he might regret like cancelling, so it we had no other choice but to stay loyally at his side till the time of the date rolled around.

It might not have been so bad, if not for Adam's erratic behavior over the past five hours. He was waging a war in his head and the effort to keep him grounded made us just another unruly enemy. Now when I mentioned "uncomfortable situation," I didn't mean I was uncomfortable helping Adam; no I was referring to the subsequent events to follow. The events in which Adam managed to weasel Eli and I into a double date with him and Hannah. I tried thinking back to those hours, attempting to decipher how I had managed to let this happen...

"_Dude quit pacing; you're making me seriously nauseous." Eli said, his nonchalant attitude quickly getting on my nerves. He was lying beside me on Adam's bed, flipping through some inane Super Hero comic book. _

_I turned toward Eli, giving him a sharp look. "You're not helping." I told him, yanking the comic out of his hands and tossing it across the room. "And put the comic down! We're not here so you can get your quick fix of Avengers!"_

"_Amazing Spiderman actually...jeeze someone's Sassy." Eli smirked._

"_Well can you blame me...we've been here for nearly four hours and we're still getting nowhere." I leaned down, whispering the last part. _

"_Clare we've done all we can do. It's up to him now, he's ready."_

_I wasn't as sure as I glanced at Adam. He was facing the full length mirror in his bedroom, staring worriedly at the person reflected back at him. His fingers trembled as he frantically struggled to loosen the knotted tie fastened firmly around his throat. _

_I stood, walking over to him. Gently I placed my hands over his; waiting till the tremors in his movements gradually began to fade. I motioned for Adam to take a breath and he did, placing his arms at it side while I began to redo the tie for him._

"_You know...It'll be fine." I said bending down slightly and tilting my head toward Adams' lowered expression. "We've been through this about a million times. Be yourself and she'll love you. I mean what's not to love?" I finished with the tie, patting it proudly into place._

_Adam stepped back, beginning to pace again. "How can I be myself when I'm not really myself?" He paused, flailing his hands up and down his body. "She'll never accept this part of me! Hell I don't even accept this part of me. What if this whole thing just ends up being another train wreck like Bianca...or Fiona? I can't handle being humiliated all over again."_

_Eli and I frowned mournful; watching as our friend quickly began to fall apart. I hated seeing Adam so vulnerable. No one deserved to be happy, more than him and yet, it seemed like he would never find that one person who might actually bring happiness into his life. _

"_I have to cancel!" Adam panicked, reaching into his pocket for his phone and beginning to dial Hannah's number._

_There had been nearly six instances already in which Eli and I had to stop Adam from a spontaneous cancellation...you could say it was quickly becoming a regular and tireless routine._

"_No!" Eli and I both called out simultaneously. Eli jumped off the bed, slowing edging closer to Adam as though he were harbouring a knife. He had his hands out before him, his voice calming. "Give me the phone Adam..."_

"_You don't understand-"Adam began, his voice unnecessarily dramatic. I pierced my lips to keep from smiling at how closely they resembled a truism scene in an action movie. _

"_Oh I understand just fine." Eli began, making sure to keep his tone low. "You're scared Adam, you're scared that Hannah might actually be different and you're unwilling to take a chance because of everything that's happened in your past."_

"_Shut up-_

"_You can't keep hiding behind the Transgender thing. That doesn't define who you are. So stop allowing it to." _

"_You have no idea what I go through every day Eli!"_

"_Maybe I don't...but eventually you're going to have to stop making excuses for yourself. Man up and don't take this the wrong way bro, but grow some balls."_

_My eyes widened, surprise clearly etched on my face. I couldn't believe Eli had just said that._

_I was about to speak up when Adam lunged for Eli. I gasped as the two boys began to brawl, angrily pushing one another around the room. Items fell from shelves and off the desk, landing loudly on the wood floor with a BANG! I stood, watching in shock and praying Audra wouldn't come up anytime soon to investigate the commotion. Eli managed to get Adam in a headlock before turning and tackling him on the bed. Adam squirmed furiously as Eli placed a knee on his back and pinned his right arm behind him._

"_Get-off-me!" Adam groaned between weak attempts to pull free._

"_Eli- I said in protest, stepping forward. _

_Eli shot me a look; his way of telling me to stay of it, before turning back to Adam. _

"_Listen Adam, Sure there's a chance you'll get hurt; but if you care about this girl as much as you talk about her then she's worth the risk. Stop psyching yourself out and just go for it man. All that physical stuff...it won't matter to the right person if they really count."_

_Adam breathed, tiredly going limp under the force. _

_Eli took a breath as well, his stronghold loosening. "You done?" He asked._

_Adam nodded. "Yes, so get your damn knee off of my spine please."_

_Eli smirked, stepping back and allowing Adam to get to his feet. The two boys stared at each other breathing heavily for a few seconds and then as if the past two minutes had never happened, broke out into a string of affable laughter._

_I glanced between them, with furrowed eyebrows. "I seriously will never understand the male mind." _

_Adam sighed, walking over to Eli and slapping him on the back. "Sorry if I'm freaking you guys out...but this girl, it's like I lose sight of my mental stability when I'm around her. I know Hannah is worth it, I know whatever issues I have shouldn't matter, but when you've been through as much as I have it starts to really affect you."_

"_All you can do is have a little faith and hope for the best." I said quietly, moving beside him and placing my hands on his shoulders. Gently I turned Adam toward the mirror, forcing him to really face his reflection. "You can do this. You're Adam Torres." _

_He said nothing, breathing deeper._

_Eli came over as well, standing on the other end of Adam. He chuckled as the three of us stared at each other in the mirror. "I feel like we're sending our toddler to his first day of Kindergarten." He leaned over Adam's shoulder, his eyes meeting mine. "Sweat heart can you believe they grow up so fast?" _

_Adam smiled at this, as Eli pretended to ruffle his hair. "God you're such an ass."_

"_Ya, well this ass cares about you, and that's exactly why Clare and I can't let you cancel. You've worked up to this far too long to just chicken out now."_

_Adam nodded, swallowing as though he were trying with all his effort to keep the bile in his stomach calmly at bay. "Your right," He breathed."You're both right." He glanced at himself once more, turning to face us. "So how do I look?"_

"_Perfect." I smiled. "Just remember to smile a lot, and listen intently to everything she has to say. That's key."_

"_And one more thing." Eli chimed in. He stepped forward, taking the brunt of Adam's tie in his hands and loosening it messily, "Much better."_

"_What are you doing? He looked much more sophisticated before." I said annoyed._

"_Clare, it's the Dot not Sunday tea with grandma. Trust me girl's love the laid back look."_

_I rolled my eyes about to say something in return but quickly stopped myself at Adam's terrified expression. "It'll all work out." I said, nodding toward the door. "But it's nearly six... we should probably head out."_

"_Or maybe I should just reschedule, beside she probably has better things to do on a Friday night..._

_That was all it took, with one final but difficult push out the door, and before Adam could convince himself otherwise we made our way toward the Dot. _

_..._

"_There is no way in hell we are coming with you on your date!" Eli practically yelled, the moment Adam had asked us. _

_We were standing outside the Dot and things had appeared to be going smoothly. Eli and I watched through the display window as Adam made his way into the small coffee shop and toward the table where Hannah was sitting alone; within seconds however we could see something was wrong. Adam stopped in his tracks, recoiling only inches from the table and running back out to where Eli and I stood... a completely new panic stricken request ready on his tongue. _

"_Please!" Adam begged, placing his hands together as though he were praying. "I can't do this alone. It's just till things get comfortable and then you guys can make up some excuse about why you have to leave."_

"_This is ridiculous!" Eli scoffed._

_Adam turned toward me, his eyes desperate. "Clare...?_

"_I-I don't think it's a good idea Adam." I said, biting my lip._

_He sighed, "Fifteen minutes, that's all I ask and I don't ask you guys for a lot."_

_I felt myself immediately giving into Adam's frantic expression, and reverted my gaze, my only means of escape._

_Eli seemed to notice, his eyes widening at me in bewilderment. "You can't possibly be considering this."_

_I wasn't sure how to react. On one hand, Adam needed to be the one and only person to help him get over his fears with Hannah...on the other hand, he was a friend in need and had the roles been reversed; I knew Adam wouldn't hesitate to help us for a second. _

"_He would do it for us." I said to Eli, wincing a bit as I waited for him to respond. He surprised me by sighing, as though my words were slowly sinking in. His expression lightened a tinge as he glanced toward the Dot and turned back to us._

"_I can't believe I'm about to agree to this..." Eli breathed, his eyes meeting mine. "You really know how to guilt trip a guy, don't you Edwards?"_

_I smiled, "It's become somewhat of an art of mine."_

"_So is that a yes?" Adam grinned, his frantic movements slowly subsiding. _

_Eli looked at me once more, still hesitant. I shrugged and he took a step closer to Adam, his expression serious. "Fifteen minutes, no more...no less. And then you're on your own."_

_..._

Fast forward to the present and Eli and I were now sitting opposite Hannah and Adam on what would go down in history as the world's most awkward double date ever. There was no doubt Hannah was upset about having her date suddenly crashed; although she did her best to hide it. But to add to her misfortune Adam picked the absolute worst time to become mute. He fidgeted uneasily beside Hannah, his eyes wide and distant as Eli and I tried our best to spur conversation.

"So...Hannah, what exactly made you family move to Toronto?" I asked, attempting to break the silence among our table. For a little while it had only been the barista who dared to say anything as he took our orders.

Hannah grinned, flashing a set of perfectly white teeth. She was quite pretty, with auburn coloured hair down to her shoulders and a short petite frame that seemed to fit perfectly to Adam's somewhat taller stature. She had the sort of lips girl's wanted, the kind that pouted without trying and big brown eyes that reflected kindness. It was this feature that spurred my initial approval.

"Well..." Hannah began, "We used to live in Oregon, in a small town called Arlington. It was really beautiful down there but my mom...she's was born in Toronto so she's sort of always been a city girl and my Gram's is down here as well. I think that's mainly why she wanted to come back. My dad he's a personal finance consultant so it's easy for him to work from home. After a few months, they just sort of came to the decision on a whim and well here I am, three thousand miles away from the only home I've ever known." She said this with a twinge of bitterness in her tone, tapping her nails along her porcelain tea cup.

Eli and I glanced at each other, unsure how to react.

"But you've adjusted pretty well it seems." Eli incited, attempting to place a positive spin on the conversation.

Hannah nodded. "Ya, I guess I have..." she said, turning and smiling at Adam; a gesture gone completely unnoticed by his sudden interest in the sugar dispenser. Her smile faltered, the disappointment evident on her face as she leaned down taking a sip of her sweat tea.

There was a slight bang from under the table and Adam jumped in surprise. "Ouch! He yelled, bending slightly to rub his knee and glaring at Eli.

"What happened?" Hannah asked concerned.

Adam swallowed, "I uh...I just banged my knee against the table. No biggie."

Eli smirked and I nudged him with my elbow telling him to be nice. He shrugged; signalling that he knew just as much as me that if we didn't get this date rolling soon, it would turn out to be a disaster.

I gave a subtle nod, and turned back to Hannah. "So what sort of interests did you have back in Oregon?"

"Hmmm, let's see." She pierced her lips, rolling her eyes back in deep thought. "I did cheer through most of middle school and sophomore year but that was more to make my mom happy. She was a dancer when she was young, but never really persued it as a career. I think cheering was her way of living vicariously through me." She paused, a low snigger escaping her lips. "To be honest I hated it, my mom about flipped when I told her I was quitting. What can I say...I wanted to try something new, maybe take a few acting lessons and see where that might go instead."

At this Eli and I perked up. Adam as well seemed unexpectedly drawn to the conversation.

"Acting, Really?" I asked, trying to probe further and feeling like we might have finally gotten the open door to make the date successful.

"Ya," she said with a proud smile. "I think every kid wants to be a big star some day, but it's always interested me. I still remember dressing up and putting on little productions for my relatives during family occasions. I guess it just sort of stuck with me."

"You know Hannah," Eli prompted, "Adam here is big extrovert when it comes to the theatre. I don't know how I'd keep the drama club going without him."

"Really Adam? You never mentioned that." Hannah asked; her tone laced with curiosity. She leaned her elbow on the table, and turned to face him.

"Ya...I guess it just never came up."

"Lead jockey on the school radio station and a drama geek. You're full of surprises Adam Torres."

He chuckled, a blush flushing across his cheeks.

Eli coughed, suddenly slinging an arm around my shoulder and edging closer. I tensed a bit in surprise but quickly caught onto what he was doing. His eyes were on Adam, willing a silent message between the two of them. Adam nodded, moving closer to Hannah and cautiously putting his own arm over her. A giddy smile perked up on her face and she leaned into him.

"You know, if you ever want to check out the club, I can show you the ropes. We could do for some new faces around set." Adam smiled down at her, confidence now radiating off of him.

"That would be amazing!" Hannah practically squealed, clenching her fists and shaking them excitedly. _I guess the cheerleader in her never wore off._ "Okay major important question to ask! Who is your favourite comedic actor?"

Adam smile widened. "I don't think I can pick just one. I mean Ben Stiller, Mike Myers, Will Ferrell; you can't really go wrong with any of those guys but you also can't forget the classic comedic teams like Monty Python."

"Ahhh, the stoning scene I was just about dying from laughing so hard."

"You like MP?"

"Duh, how can you not?" Hannah giggled. She straightened in her seat, lowering her tone as she mimicked a famous line from Life of Brian, _"No one is to stone anyone till I blow this whistle...even if they do say Jehovah!"_ Her hand shot upward covering her mouth in shock, "Oh man I can't believe I just did that. That was embarrassing."

Adam laughed, his gaze completely draw into the girl before him. "No! No! That was...great." he grinned, letting out the breath I was sure he had been holding since we left. I gave Eli a nudge of success as the pair continued to smile at each other, completely lost in their own private moment. After a few seconds Hannah blinked, regaining her senses.

She turned to face Eli and me, as if feeling a courteous duty to still acknowledge our presence.

"Sorry, we're being completely rude. Here you are asking me all these questions and I haven't even bothered to ask any of my own." She took another sip of her tea, crinkling her nose toward us. "So, how long have you two been dating?"

"Ohh..." Eli and I began at the same time. We both straightened in our seats; Eli immediately took his arm off my shoulder. I felt my cheeks flush and Eli let out an uncomfortable snort as the two of us started to mumble rounds of "umm's, and uhh's" determining how best to describe our situation to an outer party.

Thankfully Adam quickly interjected for us. "They aren't."

Hannah looked at us, her expression bemused, "I just thought, with the way you guys act in class and because we were doubling ..."

My skin only seemed to get hotter, and I wondered if it was possible that someone could spontaneously combust out of shear embarrassment.

"I ran into Eli and Clare outside the Dot" Adam started, his amusement palpable as he attempted to explain our presence on his date. "When I told them we were meeting curiosity got the better of them. What can I say; my friends are nosy, even nosy enough to crash my date."

Eli narrowed his eyes at Adam across the table. "Haha! Ya, that's us...inquisitive little busy bodies aren't we Clare?"

"But don't worry; we aren't planning on staying very long...only about fifteen minutes or so."I added raising an eyebrow at Adam. Now it was his turn to squirm.

He coughed, nodding his head toward the exit. "In fact they were just leaving." Adam said, less so as a suggestion than an order. His nervousness had seemingly decapitated and he now looked at Eli and me with a much different plea in his eyes. I smiled, shaking my head and pushing Eli to his feet.

"Ya, we better head out." I said, taking Eli's arm. "But it was nice talking to you Hannah."

Hannah nodded, flashing a friendly grin our way. Our gaze met with Adam's and he smiled, mouthing a quiet "thank you" before we took our exit.

The moment we were out the door I turned to Eli. "Us nosy?"

He smirked, "I hope Adam knows that he owes us big time for that whole charade we just had to put on."

"And can you believe Hannah actually thought we were dating? I mean..." I stopped, my words catching in my throat. Eli continued to stare at me, the intensity between us mounting. "Just goes to show we make a pretty convincing fake couple." I breathed.

There was gentle fondness in the way Eli watched me, as though examining my every move and committing it to memory. I unexpectedly had a recollection of doing the same thing nearly a month back on the roof.

"Well once upon a time we made a pretty good real couple too." He spoke pensively.

I couldn't believe he had quoted almost the exact words I said to him a year ago.

"It's funny...how things change." There was a lingering sadness in my tone anytime Eli and I spoke about our past; and I didn't attempt to hide the way my voice cracked as I said this.

Eli gave me a tender smile, lifting his arm up. "It's funny how they don't."

My eyes widened as I realised I was still clutching onto Eli's arm. Quickly I pulled away, attempting to hide the way my fingers continued to tremble. "Oh sorry! I-I uh guess its just habit."

He nodded. "Ya...habit," He repeated before turning to walk away. Even as we waved goodbye and we headed opposite directions toward our homes, I had an aching feeling that I wasn't the only one having a difficult time believing that statement.

...

1 month later

Open Mike night had arrived and to be completely honest I was more than glad for the fledging companionship between Jenna and Jake to finally cool down. Since helping Jenna with her song, I had barely seen Jake over the past few weeks and our tension only seemed to get worse. Despite how hard I was trying to gain control of our relationship, I knew that Jake was slipping. I could only hope that after tonight, things might get better between us. Above the Dot was packed for the event and nearly every student of Degrassi was out supporting their friends on stage. Eight acts had already performed and from what Jake had told me, Jenna would be the closing performance.

I stood beside Jake at the Juice Bar; our hands held, but that didn't stop me from feeling any less alone. I couldn't understand how just months ago, Jake had been so playful; barely able to keep his eyes, let alone his hands off of me and now, now his mind was somewhere else entirely.

I squeezed his hand. The simple gesture used to be constant sign of reassurance between us but he never squeezed back. Annoyed I pulled away, and crossed my arms, making sure to let out an obvious sigh to get his attention. Jake gave a swift glance and the sudden release but said nothing, refusing to acknowledge me with any sort of response.

Truthfully, there was no reason for me to be here. It wasn't as if I cared about Jenna's performance enough to dote as the supportive friend. I could have easily said I wasn't interested when Jake asked me to come, no so willingly I might add; but the thought of Jenna once again spending alone time with him just caused an incensed tingling under my skin and I hated that I allowed myself to feel this way.

My mental sprawling was interrupted as an ear splitting siren like voice rang out among the crowd. I cringed watching Imogen's peculiar water glass routine. No words exited her mouth only a concurrent string of "La La La's."

I wasn't the only one eyeing Imogen with confusion. The entire audience stared in bafflement as she continued to sing, gliding her fingers along the many different sized glasses. I looked around till I found Eli. He sat at a table at the other end of the room beside Adam and Fiona, each of them equally as bemused as they listened to the song she had created. Eli however could only stare at her with nothing but adoration in his eyes. I felt the same tingling under my skin increase. I couldn't believe that I was jealous...jealous of Eli and Imogen and the relationship that they had so strongly developed. Almost as if he knew I had been staring at him, his head turned to the side. Our eyes met and he lifted a hand, giving me a quick wave. I managed to smile meagrely, and turned back to the stage, unable to control the way my eyes narrowed as Imogen finished her set. I wanted to reach out and take Jake's hand, I wanted for us to go back to what we used to be and most of all I wanted Jake to look at me the way Eli looked at Imogen; with the same love and attentiveness a boyfriend should look at his girlfriend with. Just then another thought crossed my mind; the thought that maybe it wasn't Jake who I actually wanted to look at me this way but Eli. Almost instantly I mentally slated myself for thinking this way. My hand twitched to reach out for Jake's and make amends but I couldn't force myself to do so. Instead Jake and I stood coldly beside each other, neither speaking, neither even bothering to make the simplest of eye contact. To an onlooker we might have even seemed like strangers. The thought made my stomach turn.

After about two more sets Jenna finally took the stage, the crowd cheered madly in response. Ever since sophomore year; Jenna has become somewhat of a celebrity with her music around Degrassi. Beside me Jake clapped loudly, whistling as Jenna sat down on the small picket bench laid out for her. She positioned the mike to her lips, mumbling a quiet thank you. "This is a new song I've been working on for a while. Certain events in my life have really affected me as an individual and well...I felt my music was the only way to let my thoughts out. Anyway I just hope you guys like it" she paused, a smile creeping on her lips as her eyes met with Jake's. He gave a shy grin in return and I felt my ears begin to ring at what happened next. Jenna winked; she had blatantly dared to wink at Jake while I stood just inches beside him. Had she not noticed me? Then again, Jake didn't really act like he noticed me much either.

I clenched my jaw as she began to sing and my previous furiousness only seemed to cultivate further as I listened to the words Jenna had written in her song. Anyone with half a brain could see that the lyrics were nothing more than a uncouth and boorish attack on her relationship with KC. Words of rage spurred from her lips as she described the bumpy roads of their break up...never directly saying his name but quite literally describing his features to the T.

Without thinking I grabbed Jake's arm, jerking him to face me.

"Clare what are you doing-

"How could you help her write that song?" I snapped, refusing to let him finish. The blood boiled under my skin for more reasons than I could count.

"I never told Jenna what to write, I just gave her my opinion." He sighed, beginning to turn back to the stage.

_If he thought he was off that easy, he had another thing coming._

I jerked him back once more. "How do you think KC feels, having his entire personal life broadcasted for all of Degrassi to hear?"

"Clare, Jenna can do what she wants, I don't control her. I warned her that the song might be a bit much but I'm not going to stop her from performing it if she feels like that's the right thing to do." He paused, ripping his arm out of my grip. "Besides KC had it coming, cheating on Jenna was his mistake."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this right now. No one deserves to be humiliated like that."

Jake let out a sour chuckle. "You know you're not so far off from Jenna. Or have you forgotten the night you publicly berated Eli in front of everyone; in this very spot no less."

I stepped back; feeling like Jake had literally kicked the wind out of me.

Jake looked at me, instant regret flashing across his face. I didn't bother waiting for an apology before turning and running for the exit. I felt pressure building in my head, closing my eyes and opening them over and over to try and regain a single coherent thought. The moment I was out the door and the cool air hit my skin I gasped. Dry December air filled my lungs and I took deep breaths, refusing to allow Jake's low blow to affect me anymore than it already had.

"Looks like I'm not the only one having a bad night."

There was a slight scuffle of snow beside me and I jumped; my eyes locking with a slumped figure sitting a few feet alone on the sidewalk. It didn't take me long to figure out who the person was. My eyes looked around for a brief moment, unsure whether or not to sit down before finally making my decision and cautiously walking over.

"Hey..." I breathed as I lowered myself beside KC. I pulled my knees up against my stomach, rubbing my legs against the cold.

He gave me warm smile, but the mask he was wearing did nothing to hide the clear grief in his eyes. "So what are you doing out here?" he asked, his voice still tinged with the same boyish innocence I've always known it to be.

I bit my lip; not really sure how to explain my reasoning for storming out of the Dot and suddenly being in his company. "Do you ever feel like you're losing grip of your whole reality and you have no idea how to get it back?" I finally asked, my words coming out deep and throaty.

He nodded, kicking the snow at his feet. "You could say I feel that exact way right now."

Inside I wanted to slap myself. "Sorry...here I am complaining about my own dismal situation and you're dealing with Jenna backlash."

He laughed at this. "The funny thing is I really have no right to be mad. You'd think I'd learn my lesson the first time but..." he stopped, picking at his shoelaces for a few seconds, before turning toward me. "I know I've said it before Clare, but about what happened between us-"

"It's ancient history" I said, quietly. "I've learned to move on from a lot of things in my past."

He nodded. "I wanted to be the one person who could take care of them; instead I let everything important to me go. I'm no different than my dad."

I moved closer, shaking my head. "No, KC... You did the right thing, you gave Jenna and that baby a second chance. Yes, you made some mistakes along the way but you can't keep blaming yourself for everything that happened. That decision, to give Tyson up...you both made it, together."

"Some days I still expect to go home and see the two of them on the couch waiting for me. But every single time it's always the same old empty couch." He paused, balling up a wad of snow and tossing it at a car on the other end of the street. "I really hate that couch." He laughed.

"Jenna may be mad now, but she'll get over it."

"I just didn't think I'd care this much when she actually moved on."

I swallowed, wondering exactly what KC meant by Jenna "moving on?" Had he also noticed the same changes in Jenna that I had in Jake? Did he know more about the two than he was letting on? As much as I wanted to push the subject, I knew it wasn't my place to ask. KC was hurting, and the last thing he needed to talk about was my crumbling love life. I took a breath, and pushed the questions to the back of my throat where they would forever remain a lingering mystery in my head. Instead we sat side by side on the cold pavement, simply finding comfort in the other's company and small reminders of the closeness we used to share. Somehow it felt we were the only two people who could make each other feel better in that moment.

"We're a bunch of miserable sacks." KC sadly winged making me chuckle quietly in response. After a few minutes he stood, brushing traces of snow off his pants. "I'm not really in the mood to hang around for one of Jenna's encores. I'm probably going to head home."

I nodded, giving him a quick smile as he began to walk away. He only made it a few steps, before shuffling back to face me. "I miss this." He sighed, placing his hands in his pockets. "Us hanging out as friends."

There was no longer a reason to deny it. Eli was right when he said it was okay to miss my old friends and as hard as I tried to push them out of my life they would inevitably remain a part of me. Maybe it took being with KC right now to admit it. I took a breath, finally allowing the words I had been refusing to say all this time to be spoken, "Ya...I miss it too."

**A/N: Hey guys, I just thought I should warn you, I'm going through a big move right now, and with Uni starting up again in September it's going to be harder to update as much as I want. I'll try to post as frequently as I can but I hope you'll bear with me and stick around. I love this story, and I don't want you all to lose interest; in recompense I promise the chapters will only get better to make up for any late updates. **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hey my wonderful readers. There are not enough words to express how sorry I am for not updating this sooner. I have been so completely swamped and I just have not had a chance to sit down and write. Thankfully I found some time in the past few days to get this chapter done. Hope you enjoy and I haven't lost anyone during the long wait. I can only promise serious angsty drama and heartfelt moments to come so you're going to want to stick around. Thanks again guys for the amazing response, and the wonderful reviews. Once again this story is still living because of you. I promise I am 100 percent dedicated to this story, so have no fear it will be completed but there is still tons to come. The plot is beginning to surface and I'm so excited to write the next chapter. It is boiling in my brain. I do want to warn you all that this is my last month of the semester which means final assignments and exams are nearing. As such, I will not be able to update this till Christmas vacation. But the moment I'm off I'll try to get the newest chapter up as soon as possible. Till then guys, take care and thanks again and don't forget to review. You know how I love those kind words!**

Chapter 9: Holiday Blues

Christmas came and went, and like most things in my life it had gone by in a thread of quick helloes and much too quick goodbyes; the first being with Darcy. Five months had gone by without so much as an email. And then, to our surprise my mother and I were welcomed by a long overdue Skype call. Somehow, Darcy's mission trip had brought her to a hostel in Zimbabwe with limited internet access. The service only lasted about twenty minutes before cutting out, stripping my sister once again from our lives. It wasn't nearly enough time to take joy in her short visit, or to simply remember the curvatures of her face. Instead there was only an empty place left inside me where she should have been and I found myself dolefully mourning the loss of my sister most nights behind closed doors.

Not long after it was my dad's turn to make his sudden reappearance. It had taken twenty one phone calls and nineteen voicemails to be precise before I finally agreed to visit him for Christmas Eve. It had taken about half the time before I realised how little I belonged in his new life. My father had always wanted a son. So if Irene's three young boys weren't enough, he also had a shiny thirty four year old girlfriend to boot. As ridiculous as I might have acted, I couldn't help but feel replaced. So with a quick utterance of apology and before my dad could convince me otherwise I chose to leave. Not even allowing him to drive me home, but simply calling a cab from the curb outside his apartment.

The third instance was not so much a quick goodbye as much as it had been never really saying hello. Since open mike night, Jake and I had seemingly chosen to ignore each other nearly any moment we were together. This meant awkward silences tended to suffocate the Edwards-Martin household. Even worse, was the fact that neither of our parents seemed to notice the tension. Which made the facade Jake and I were playing, that much more uncomfortable come Christmas morning. We hugged and laughed and even smiled politely for the pictures. But even while standing in the same room with Jake, I felt like we were miles away from one another. Needless to say, I was not at all upset for the holidays to be nearing its end.

You can imagine my displeasure when my mother decided to drop the absolute worst bombshell I could have ever anticipated. It was once tradition for my family to spend New Year's Eve at our cabin in Georgian. And for reasons that I still can't comprehend, she had thought it was a good idea to relive the same tradition with the Martin clan. Only instead of spending a blissful week in our four bedroom cabin and roasting marshmallows by the water of Lake Huron with my sister; I was to ring in the New Year in Glen's dingy one bedroom cabin with my emotionally fickle boyfriend.

"Clare come down for dinner!" my mom's impatient yell rang out from below the steps, bringing me out of my temporary daze. I rolled my eyes, folding the article of clothing in my hand before placing in the open duffel bag on my bed. It was the night before the cabin trip, and I was not exactly in the jolliest of holiday moods. Quickly I zipped up my bag, taking a final weary glance around my room before heading downstairs.

...

The clinking of metal on porcelain had to be about the worst sound I had ever heard. Lately, I was finding it increasingly difficult to make conversation with my mother. Which meant the din of cutlery was the only indication that any of us were still breathing. To make matters worse, Jake wasn't even home to suffer through the stress with me. In fact, I hadn't even seen Jake all day. Suffice to say, while he was lolling about Toronto with Moe and Drew, I was left the avail of a particularly ice cold meal at the dinner table. My eyes glanced across the table to Jake's usual seat and I clenched my jaw. My grip tightened on my fork and I began to angrily stab at the steak on my plate.

"Clare." My mother's stiff voice spoke. I sat up with a sigh, prying the fork from the stake and placing it to my side.

"Better?" I asked, with a phony grin.

She gave me a disapproving stare for a few seconds before shaking her head and returning to her conversation with Glen.

There wasn't much I could say to her to explain my bitter mood so instead I turned back to my food allowing the silence to once again fall between us. I wasn't sure why I was allowing Jake's absence to get the best of me. I had never been one of those girls; the kind that constantly dwelled on their boyfriend. Yet here I was torturing an innocent piece of meat. No longer hungry, I could feel my stomach twisting uneasily.

Just then, a low scuffle resonated from the front entrance. Jake walked in through the foyer, a thick smile painting his features. He said nothing beginning to shrug his jacket off and allowing it to fall to the floor before flopping clumsily into his seat. Immediately he reached for the sweat potatoes, beginning to fill his plate.

"Nice of you to greet everyone with your presence Jake," I said, not attempting to hide my annoyance at his rather uncouth entrance.

Jake glanced up at me, but said nothing instead turning to my mother. "Yeah, sorry about being late Helen. Things just go a little caught up, public transit on the TTC is a mess."

My mother smiled sweetly in response. "That's alright Jake, so long as you got home safely."

Jake grinned and I crossed my arms angrily. No doubt if I had been late, the conversation would have gone a lot differently. I huffed in response and Jake glanced at me once more, clearly noticing my aggravation. He leaned back in his seat taking a sip of water and swallowing wryly. I narrowed my eyes at him and the bones in his jaw began to clench.

We were having an all out stare down, at the dinner table no less.

"So I know you two were a bit apprehensive about spending the entire week up at the cabin with your folks." Glen began, temporarily distracting Jake and me from one another. We looked toward him, weary of the smile painting his features. "So I thought, if cabin fever starts rolling in you might want to invite a friend or two up to the cabin with us?"

My mother's features twisted slightly, "Sweetheart I thought this was supposed to be a family trip?"

"And it still is, but the kids might not act so miserable the entire time if their friends were there to enjoy the trip with them." He glanced between us, "You probably thought I didn't notice the way you two have been acting. I have no idea why you are both so down in the dumps lately but this is where I draw the line. This vacation is meant to pull us closer together as a family but if bringing a friend a long will help boost your spirits I'm not opposed to the idea."

Suddenly I felt my heart beat with excitement. Immediately my mind raced to Ally, thinking this trip no longer seemed so terrible. Almost instantly that notion was squashed as I remembered I was no longer speaking to my best friend. Not since our last night at the cabin nearly five months back. I could feel the bitterness once more, tingly in my legs and slowly rising into the weakened areas of my body.

It wasn't fair that Jake had his friends and I was left without Ally. The one person I truly wanted on my side more than anything. Warm liquid clouded my eyes and I breathed struggling for the tears not to fall.

"I don't want to invite anyone." I said, my voice coming out shaky.

The table was quiet for a few seconds, and I could feel Glen's eyes watching me incomprehensively. He cleared his throat, unsure how to respond to an unpredictable and emotional imbalanced stepdaughter.

"Jake what about you?" He asked, reverting his attention to his son.

I looked up at Jake and his gaze met mine. There was a trace of something I couldn't understand behind his brown eyes, _guilt...remorse_; I wasn't sure. But it was there, and for a brief moment I caught a glimpse of something I missed in Jake.

"There's no one really I want to bring either." He breathed his voice low.

Glen sighed, "Oh come on you two, there's absolutely no one you guys can invite?"

"Dad really," Jake retorted. "I'm sure Clare and I are just fine with it being the four of us. Besides its so last minute I honestly can't think of anyone who doesn't already have plans."

Glen gave a perplexed look, and then his eyes suddenly widened, "What about that girl?" He chimed; a smile began to creep on the corner of his lips, "the one who was with you at the mall today? From what I observed you two looked pretty darn close."

Jake choked, heaving on his steak. My body suddenly tensed. The warmth I had felt just moments ago quickly disappeared. Instead it felt like somebody was plucking every nerve in my body like they would the strings on a guitar. Jake had texted me this morning saying he would be out with Moe and Drew but he had never once mentioned a girl. There was only one person my mind could think of; her platinum blond hair and plastic grin taunting my thoughts. It was Jenna...what other explanation was there?

"Jake-I started but was quickly interrupted.

"I wasn't at the mall today." He spoke tersely, answering the question before I had a chance to ask.

Glen tilted his head, bemused by the sudden shift in his son's demeanor, "But I saw you, while I was picking up supplies for the trip-"

"Dad I wasn't at the mall!" Jake shouted defensively, "I don't know who you saw but it wasn't me."

"Listen kid I know my own son when I see him."

Jake sighed rubbing his forehead. I shook my head in response, "You're unbelievable," I said to him before turning to Glen. "So this girl Jake was with did she happen to be blond?"

"Clare stop-, "Jake started, attempting to get my attention. I ignored him, waiting for Glen to respond.

He nodded, furrowing his eyebrows in concern. "What is going on here?" He looked to my mother who mirrored the same worried expression.

I ignored Glen's request for answers turning to Jake. "So you were with Jenna today?"

"No, I mean yes but-Jesus Clare! Why do you always have to go looking for something that's not there?"

"Why did you lie then? How come you couldn't just say you were spending the day with Jenna...your _friend?" _I almost wanted to laugh at my inappropriate use of air quotes at such a serious time.

"Because you do this! You jump to conclusion, you get all accusatory."

I rolled my eyes unconvinced and Jakes breathing grew deeper. "Nothing happened! Why is it so hard for you to handle that Jenna and I are just friends? You didn't hear me complain when you and Eli went to that book signing last week.

I felt a familiar burning beneath my skin. Eli had nothing to do with this and Jake had no right to bring him up. "That is hardly a means of comparison!" I yelled back, "Adam and Imogen were at that signing to."

"Clare Edwards!" I jumped, suddenly surprised by my mother's raised and livid voice. It was enough to bring Jake and me to a halt. I turned toward her, unable to understand let alone recognize the furiousness burning behind her eyes. "Did I just hear Jake correctly?" She breathed, "Are you still spending time with Eli?"

I was actually shocked. Out of everything, everything, she had just heard...this is what my mother had picked up on? The sheer ridiculousness of the situation was enough to suddenly pull me over the edge.

"You have got to be kidding me!" I groaned.

"Clare do not speak to me in that tone. Yes or no, are you still spending time with Eli?"

I looked to Jake and his gaze shifted away from my own_. Coward_ I thought, breathing deeply. "Yes." I said quietly.

"I told you I didn't want you seeing that boy. He-he's unstable...dangerous!"

"You know nothing about him mom!"

"I know I was the one who held your crying frame all night after you come back from that hospital. I know what a terrible toll that breakup had on you. Any relationship with Eli is an unhealthy one."

"Mom he was sick, he's better now."

"How did this happen? I thought you cut him out of your life last year."

"We were assigned to be English partners again this semester. Mom listen, there's nothing to worry about, Eli has grown a lot since you met him last and-"

"I'm calling that school and getting you a different partner."

"It's nearly the end of the semester!" I yelled back. This couldn't be happening; with everyone I had already lost I couldn't risk losing Eli too.

"No arguments Clare-

"You can't do that!" I refused. I looked to Jake for help and he still wouldn't look my way. Fresh tears glossed my eyes and before I had time to think twice about what I was about to do, the words were already escaping my lips.

"How can you be so unaware of what's really going on here?" I asked her.

"Clare!" Jakes gaze shot toward mine. His eyes pleaded, stressing for me to end this, "Don't." he urged under his breath. I shook my head wiping the tears from my eyes. So now he cared to make himself known. Well it was too late; I wasn't hiding...not anymore."

"What are you talking about?" My mother asked, once again looking wearily toward Glen and back to me.

"You really have no idea? Even after tonight you still don't know?"

"Know what? Clare what is going on?" Glen interjected, his tone laced with irritation.

I glanced once more at Jake and our parents with a cynical and dry laugh. "Jake and I are still dating."

...

If I could take it back I would. Take back the last thirty seconds and stop myself from admitting the unspeakable to our parents. Most of all I would stop myself from witnessing the utterly numb expression on my mother's face just seconds after I had told her. I was no longer laughing, and this wasn't a movie where I could simply press rewind and make everything be good again. I had wanted to hurt my mother and just like that I succeeded in doing so. What kind of person was I? I never wanted to tell her this way. So many days I had imagined the right way tell our parents. Usually with Jake supportive figure holding my hand the entire time but this...there was no justifying what I had done. Not only had I completely destroyed Glen and my mother but I left Jake out on a limb as well.

"Mom..."I began softly, I took a step toward her and she stepped away in response.

"I-I need to-"she paused, tears filling here eyes. Her hands began to tremble and she covered her mouth. "I need to go for a walk."

And just like that she walked past without another word. I felt something inside me break as the door shut and stood trembling in place.

"Is this true?" Glen gruff voice spoke behind me.

Jake and I remained quiet; what could we have said?

"Is it true?" Glen shouted angrily, making us both flinch.

"Dad-" Jake began but was interrupted as Glen angrily began to pace the room.

"How-How could you two do this?" He paused, rubbing his face and placing a hand on his hip, completely beside himself. "I think it's best if your mother and I to just get away for a little while. I'm not sure how she'll be able to handle this-"he paused again, looking at Jake and me with pained expression. "Consider the two of you off the hook for the cabin trip."

And like my mother he strode past and out the door, leaving Jake and I alone to simmer in the pitiful situation I had created. Jake watched him go before walking toward me, a dismal expression clouding his features.

"What were you thinking?"

_I wasn't thinking. _"It just came out!" I defended. "I don't even know how, I was just so mad at her and you and..." I paused, my eyes narrowing. "Wait, how is this at all my fault?" I knew it wasn't the time to suddenly allow my temper to take control again but I hated the way Jake was spinning the entire issue on me. "I wasn't the one who lied."

"Oh please Clare, don't start-"

"Don't start what?"

"This isn't about us, this about what you said and how our parents practically hate us now because of it! Do you know how long it's going to be before they forgive us?"

I looked away, and he scoffed. "We have a week to make things right, so we better start thinking about what we're going to say to them when they get back."

"I shook my head, allowing the tears I had suppressed earlier to finally fall, "Can you just leave me alone please."

"Clare-"

"Please just leave me alone." I said again. He looked down on me, running a frustrated hand through his hair before storming off leaving me just as I had asked...completely and utterly alone.

...

If you had told me a few months ago that I would be spending my New Years Eve on the couch watching old reruns of "Happy Days" I probably wouldn't have believed you. And yet here I was with my popcorn in hand, an absentee boyfriend and still no word from Glen and my mother other than to tell us they arrived at the cabin safely.

Jake was out once again, but I hadn't bothered asking who he was with; not since the fight two nights ago. After an of about an hour more of unbearable sitcoms I reached for the remote, sighing in relief as the white noise of applause dimmed to a quiet. I looked around, feeling somehow out of place in the unfamiliar emptiness that was my home. It was disturbing, the hollow echoes that made every small sound ten times more noticeable. Embarrassed to say the least, I had the urge to curl up under my covers and wait for the safety of Glen and my mother's return.

_Don't be ridiculous Clare! _I heard my thoughts scream at me.I hadn't left the house at all since the fight; not so much because I was unable but unwilling to allow myself to forget the tremendous guilt I was still feeling. The seclusion was quickly getting to me however, and I found myself yearning with desperation for any form of escape. Quickly I slipped on my boots, and grabbed my jacket from the closet stepping out into the cold and allowing myself to feel the bitter December air against my skin.

I wasn't sure where I was headed, only that I needed to keep walking. It was the only way I could clear my head and temporarily forget my predicament; even if only for a little while. The snow crunched beneath my feet and I smiled, the slightest glimpse of a past memory sneaking its way into my thoughts.

I was eight and Darcy was twelve. We were playing in the snow on our front lawn, building a snowman, or at least attempting to. It came out looking more like a snow blob than anything. Our parents were watching us from the steps and I remember smiling at how happy they were...at how happy we all were. It seemed like the perfect day, well at least until Darcy shoved snow down my pants and I ran into the house crying. I chuckled to myself thinking about how I was given an extra cub of hot chocolate that day and Darcy was given a swift and stern talking to by my father.

"Clare?" There was a shuffle of snow behind me and I gasped, turning to face who had startled me. Almost immediately, my nerved began to calm and I felt instead my heart beating swiftly in response to the darkened figure. Eli smiled at me, pulling the hood to his black sweatshirt down and the buds from his iPod out of his ears. His breathing was ragged, and his cheeks flushed. My eyes wandered downward and I noticed his sweatpants and running shoes deducing he must have been running.

"Eli...hey," I breathed, smiling softly. "How did you know it was me?"

He chuckled, "Well at first I didn't, but then I thought who else besides me is crazy enough to be standing in an abandoned church at night? And then just like that I thought of you."

"What?" I asked, looking around and realising what Eli was referring to. I had unintentionally walked myself to the one place I never thought I would visit again. I had walked to our place, the abandoned church.

I laughed and Eli furrowed his eyebrows. "You alright there Edwards, no offence but you have this look on your face like something just dropped on your head."

I smacked him in the chest and he smiled, "I'm kidding."

"I'm fine," I told him. "It's just, I don't know I thought I made myself forget this place but here I am standing with you again just like last year."

Eli smile softened, "So what does that mean?"

I looked at him, swallowing nervously, "I don't know." I said quietly. "That I feel safe here I guess."

He nodded. "Is there a reason for you not to feel safe?"

I shook my head, crossing my arms toward him. "I did something really terrible."

Eli stepped closer with concern, "Are you alright?" He asked a tinge of urgency in his voice.

"Yeah I'm fine, but-I looked down kicking the snow at my feet.

"Clare you know you can tell me anything." Eli urged softly. He took another step toward me making me look up at him. Are bodies were nearly touching and I inhaled attempting to calm the nerves in my stomach.

"I know" I whispered, taking a breath and exhaling the words in a rush. "I told Glen and my mother Jake and I are still dating."

Eli inhaled, quickly grasping the situation. "And I take it that didn't bode well with them?"

"We started arguing one night and I just blurted it out! Just like that. You should have seen her face-" I paused, looking away. Tears filled my eyes and I pierced my lips to fight back a sob. "My mom hates me." I choked.

"Hey, hey..." Eli cooed, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into a tight hug. I clutched tightly onto him, burying my face in his chest and allowing his warmth to engulf me.

"She could never hate you Clare, never."

He held me for a few minutes, allowing me to silently sob into his jacket. I had never felt such comfort from another human being before. He held me protectively, as though shielding me from all the bad and instead transferring all the good back into my body. If it had been up to me, I would have stayed there forever in that moment.

After a little while longer I reluctantly pulled away; embarrassed. "Sorry," I whispered.

"Don't be. Have you talked to your mom since?"

I shook my head. "No. We were supposed to go on a trip to Glen's cabin for New Years but obviously that didn't work out. She and Glen went without us, and they haven't called at all."

Eli nodded, "She'll come around, trust me. These things have a way of working out."

I must have looked unconvinced because Eli tilted his head toward me smirking. "In the meanwhile, what are your plans for tonight?"

I grimaced, thinking back to the stale bowl of popcorn awaiting me back home. "Does a date with the Fonz count as a plan?"

Eli gave me a confused look and I shook my head with a laugh, "Never mind."

"Your an odd one Edwards. But as I was saying, Fiona is having a little get together at the condo for New Years. And when I say little I really mean no less than fifty people." He laughed, shaking his head. "But Adam is going to be there and so is Imogen...

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"You should come?"

"Eli I don't know-I wasn't exactly invited."

"It's not a huge deal Clare. Fiona would love if you came."

I began to shake my head, "I don't think so Eli-

"Sunday, Monday!"

I jumped in confusion, my eyes widening as Eli began to sing at the top of his lungs. His raspy voice echoed off the trees that surrounded us.

"What are you doing?" I asked, horrified as I recognized the lyrics to the Happy Days Theme song. Quickly I covered my ears.

"Happy Days! Tuesday, Wednesday Happy Days!"

"Eli!"

"Thursday, Friday Happy Da-"

"Okay!" I shouted, making him stop abruptly in smug satisfaction. "I'll come."

Eli chuckled, "Knew you would, you're so predictable Edwards."

I glared at him and he chuckled oncemore, taking another breath.

"Don't!" I warned.

"Saturday, what a day, Groovin' all week with yo-"Suddenly Eli doubled over, choking as my fists collided with his stomach; not hard enough to hurt only to shock.

"Clare!" Eli groaned.

I laughed, meeting his gaze with a challenging grin. "Bet you didn't predict that smarty pants."

**A/N: There you go my ****lovelies, hopefully you enjoyed. I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can:) Till then, thanks again guys and have a good one!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hey all, I know I said I would update this sooner but with family events and work I couldn't seem to find the time. Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and good luck with back to school. Here is the next chapter, a bit more sad then my regular writing but hopefully you will love none the less. I would love to hear what you readers have to say so if you have time don't forget to review. Enjoy guys, and I hope to update soon:) Oh and love you all and thanks so much for the kind reviews and suport on previous chapters!**

Chapter 10: Old Resolutions Fade Quickly

"Urggg!" I groaned, ripping off what seemed like the hundredth outfit I had tried on that evening and tossing it into the pile of discarded rejects on my bed. How it is that nothing in my closet seemed appropriate enough for a pertinent Fiona Coin soiree? Especially after the many shopping trips Ally had forced me to tag along with over the years.

Once more I turned to my closet, leering at the endless combinations of floral dresses and cardigans. At this rate, it seemed I'd fair better going to the party in my bra and panties, at least then I'd stand out to some degree.

With another groan I fell on my bed, staring up at my ceiling wide eyed and panicky. There was no real reason for me to go to this party. It's not like anyone beside Eli and Adam really wanted me there anyway. Sure Fiona and I had become somewhat familiar over the past few months, but I would hardly consider our relationship to be in friend territory quite yet. There was also no doubt of the clear loathing I would most definitely face the moment Imogen laid eyes on me. I really did not want to voluntarily subject myself to another jab at my personal life, something she had become quite good at over the past few weeks. It would probably just be better for everyone if I called Eli now and told him I changed my mind. I could order out, and watch a DVD with Jake, that is if he simmered down enough to stay in with me.

I sat up, reaching for my phone and began dialing Eli's number. I put the phone to my ear and there was a slight pause of static before the call began to connect. Eli picked up after three rings.

"Hello?"

"Eli!" I practically yelped into the receiver, for some reason I was surprised he had answered so quickly.

"Clare hey." As weird as it might be, I could almost picture Eli smiling on the other end of the line. The idea made my stomach flip. "So did you change your mind about catching a ride with us to the party?"

Earlier Eli had insisted on picking me up for the party. Of course, Imogen's house was on the way to mine which meant I'd have to sit third wheel in the backseat. Not exactly the most comfortable position to be placed in. Instead, I told Eli I'd just catch a cab to the loft and meet them there. The decision seemed to be a safer one.

"Clare?"

I blinked, unsure how to drop the news that I was now bailing on his invitation. "No, actually I was...

There was a shudder of laughter from down stairs that interrupted me. I jumped, surprised to hear the sound of voices blustering from the living room. I squinted in confusion, telling Eli to hold on a moment and moved downstairs to investigate.

The first person I saw was Drew. He was splayed on the couch comfortably, with his hands thrown lax behind his head and a bowl of popcorn sitting on his stomach. He was rested on the lap of some girl. It was easy to figure out who it was; Katie swept a lock of hair behind her ear with one hand and caressed his cheek with the other. Moe was sitting cross legged on the carpet, playing some Nintendo racing game. Marisol, who looked utterly bored, sat beside him.

"Can we do something fun!" she whined, while simultaneously rolling her eyes and nudging Moe with her foot.

"Hang on babe I'm trying to beat Rainbow road here!"

She huffed, crossing her arms angrily making Katie and Drew chuckle in response.

I crossed my arms, walking down the full flight of steps, "Eh hem?" I coughed, to get their attention.

All four looked up at me and then at each other like they were unsure how to react.

Katie smiled at me, "Hey Clare, didn't know you were home."

"That's funny, I could say the same to you." Okay maybe I didn't have to be so rude, but when four people randomly show up at your house, and you have no inclination as to why they are there, then red flags are bound to go up.

Katie stood up, making Drew roll of the couch with a thump, spilling the popcorn on the floor.

"Jeeze Katie, could have warned me!" He moaned, slowly getting to his feet with a wince.

Katie ignored him, "Sorry Clare, we didn't mean to disturb you or anything."

"No not at all..." The amount of sarcasm in my voice would have made Eli proud.

She gave another grin, clearly not noticing. "Jake invited us over for New Years. You know just to hang out and what not-

"And he said he had some good stuff." Drew laughed, welcomed by an elbow to the gut by Katie.

I looked between them, "Stuff...what are you talking-"

"Okay let's get this party started! " Jake yelled, walking into the room from the basement and answering my question before I had time to finish. I gave him a quick onceover and it was then I noticed the case of beer slung under one arm and the small clear baggy hanging from his fingers. The green rooted contents inside was not hard to miss.

"What are you doing?" I asked him, both equally shocked and frustrated at the illicitness I was currently witnessing.

Jake dropped the case in surprise, his mouth forming a distinct O shape as he turned to face me. "Clare! I thought you were out."

"Obviously!" I stated, "The alcohol I can handle Jake, but weed! Really?"

"Clare, can I talk to you upstairs for a minute?" Jake asked, walking over and taking my arm.

I pulled away, glaring at him. "So you're a stoner now? What else don't I know about you?"

"I'm not discussing this in front of my friends."

The others had gone completely silent, as though watching a dramatic scene in a televison show unfold. As I looked over, they pretended to fiddle with their phones and make clearly fake conversation. I huffed, storming upstairs. Jake followed me into my bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Why did you embarrass me like that?" He asked annoyed.

"Embarrass you? Just to remind you Jake, we aren't allowed to have company over while our parents are away. Not to mention, you are smoking weed in our house!"

"We're just having some fun Clare. When was the last time you tried that?"

"Well I'm sorry if I don't find getting completely racked out of my brain fun."

"Like staying in and watching the Notebook by yourself is any better."

I clenched my jaw furiously, "For your information I'm going to a party tonight."

Jake gave an unconvinced look, crossing his arms at me mockingly, "Really where?"

"Fiona Coin's, I'd invite you but it's kind of exclusive."

Jake furrowed his eyebrows. "Fiona is friends with Eli, isn't she?"

I swallowed, not saying anything. "So you get mad at me for inviting a few friends over for New Years and mean while you're going to some fancy party with your ex boyfriend."

"Eli has a girlfriend, it's not like that and you know it."

"I don't know anything Clare! Maybe that's the problem. Has it ever occurred to you that we've been dating all this time and we know nothing about each other? You said it yourself a minute ago." He paused, rubbing his forehead tensely. The gesture sent a worried shiver up my spine and I suddenly felt extremely weak. "Maybe we jumped back into this thing before really getting to know who the other person is."

I chewed the inside of my cheek, leaning on my bed and clutching tightly at the sheets with my fingers. "What are you saying?"

Jake looked up at me, his expression somehow tired and defeated, "Do what you want Clare, but I'm tired of playing the bad guy."

And with that he turned, and walked out of the room. I exhaled as I heard him retreat downstairs and music began to blare from the speaker system. It was paradoxical really, how the upbeat music of LMFAO contrasted my clearly broken love life.

Just then I remembered Eli was still on the phone and I felt a pressure building between my ears causing an incensed ringing. Quickly I stumbled to my feet, grabbing the phone from my bed and pressing it to my ear.

"Eli!" I began, ready to renounce endless apologies for not only leaving him on the line but also for the horrific argument he had just had to endure between Jake and me.

However, as I said his name all I was welcomed with was the maddening tone of a dead phone signal. Sometime since my trip downstairs and mine and Jake's argument, Eli had thankfully hung up and I can only assume he had done so out of respect for my privacy.

With a sigh of relief, I sat against my bed lulling about the different options for tonight in my head. I could stay in, and prove Jake right or I could go to this party. In comparison to listening to Jake and his friends get plastered all night it was not a tough decision to make. I stood, walking out of my room and across the hall to where our parents slept.

Any other day I would be weary of borrowing something of my mother's without asking, but tonight I could care less under the circumstances. Without a thought, I sifted through her closet, pushing aside her everyday outerwear till I found what I was looking for, something both Darcy and I had ogled over for years.

It was a soft white dress, with a tank neckline that landed just above the bust. The entire dress was intricately pleaded in white ivory beading, which glittered when touched by the light. The dress itself, thin chiffon, clutched tight to the curves of the body and fell classically just below the knee in a wash of beautifully layered material. My mother had purchased the dress in some Vintage shop years back for a 1920's party. She only wore it just the one time. It was the type of dress that made girl's glide not walk into any room and turn heads.

Carefully I pulled the dress from her closet; zipping open the plastic material which had kept it safe all these years and rushed back to my own room, laying it on the bed. After finishing my makeup, a simple smoky eye with blushed cheeks and nude lip I turned to tackle my hair. I bit my tongue, looking at the mess of my natural curls. I picked up my brush, running the bristles through my thick strands till they straightened out enough to allow me to properly style them. With the curling iron I coiled my hair into softer waves that fell against my shoulders and with hairpins, pinned the first layer of hair back so that it looked more elegant. Finally after dawning a long pearled necklace and earrings I turned to the dress.

It made a gorgeous sound, the beads swaying against one another as I stripped off my own clothes and zipped it on. I smiled at myself in the mirror, barely able to recognize the girl staring back at me. She looked wonderful. I had never been one to dress up, and when Eli had told me Fiona's party would be formal I was ready to cancel at the slightest fork in the road. But now, seeing what I had accomplished in just a few short minutes, I was excited for the evening to begin. I reached for the phone once more, messaging Eli that I would see him soon.

...

I paid the cabby his fair and stepped out onto the busy sidewalk of downtown Toronto. The ride had taken longer than expected considering most of the roads had been blocked off due to all the events located in the centre of the city. I stood for a moment in awe, looking up at the luxurious Carleton Hotel and Suites. Fiona lived on the top floor pent house. The sheer lushness of the building itself was astounding and I took a breath walking in. The doorman gave me a friendly smile and nod as he held the door open.

Inside the lobby I gave Eli a text and waited for him to bring me upstairs. The ding of the elevator signalled the doors were about to slide open, and then like a scene in a movie Eli stepped out. I can't explain what I felt in that moment seeing Eli come toward me. It was like the air in my lungs had been suddenly plucked away and I was simply left breathless. He was all smiles and charm and I have to say, he looked pretty darn good.

He was wearing dark black jeans with a white button down dress shirt and black tie beneath a grey suit jacket. His sleeves had been rolled up, flashing a thick studded cuff and black watch. His outfit was perfectly effortless and somehow he still managed to model a look somewhere between James bond and James Dean.

"Hey there," I smirked, closing the distance between us.

Eli's eyes were wide for a moment, and I pretended not to notice the way his gaze had moved up and down my body. He whistled, shaking his head and smiling. "Wow."

I blushed, "Eli please it's nothing."

"No Clare you look...wow."

I smiled looking down at my feet sheepishly and back to him, "You look pretty wow yourself."

Eli stood taller, straightening his tie. "Well I do try, are you ready to go up?"

I nodded taking his arm with a laugh.

In the elevator, I knew Eli was trying hard not to look over at me. I knew this because I had been doing the exact same thing. There were a few moments in the short two minute ride where we would accidentally catch the other staring only to turn away embarrassed. The elevator chimed again, and the doors flew open to the reveal Fiona's extravagant flat. It was magnificent, the walls were covered in endless parades of brightly coloured blue and purple balloons. Multi-sized crystal stars and tinsel hung from the ceiling reflecting of the light from the center chandelier in the living room.

Eli wasn't lying when he said there would be a lot of people, the entire place was crowded; a few familiar faces from school flashed in and out of view. I could see Adam standing with Hannah and Imogen by the makeshift full serve bar. Adam looked great in his black pants and dark purple dress shirt. Hannah was wearing a light blue sweetheart dress that fell just above her knees and skirted out like a tutu. My mood dwindled as I took in Imogen's attire. She was wearing a tight full length black gown with the back cut out. Her hairs was pulled into a tight bun with a few lose strands falling out. I guess she had replaced her glasses with contacts for the evening because they were no wear to be found. Her lips were a dark plum and even from afar I had to admit she looked stunning. It was at that moment when I let go of Eli's arm. I looked away, taking in the other guests. Holly Jay, a graduate from the year before and Fiona's best friend was also there, as was Fiona's brother Declan.

To my surprise I was faced with another distress as my eyes landed on Ally. I swallowed, feeling the hairs on my body stiffen in surprise. What was she doing here? To my knowledge, Ally had never been good friend's with Fiona. There was the possibility that she could simply be party crashing, but that still meant she had to be let in by someone already in the party.

"Clare?" Eli asked worried about my sudden cold state. I didn't answer and he looked around, finding who I had been staring at. "Clare I'm sorry, I should have told you Ally was here."

I said nothing as Ally continued to stare at me. Her eyes narrowed slightly, sending a shiver up my spine. My previous inclinations were quickly answered as a boy I had seen once or twice in school, came up behind her and kissed her on the cheek. Ally laughed, breaking her gaze and turning to face Mike Dallas, the new Hockey Captain for the Toronto Ice Hounds.

So Ally was now dating Mike Dallas. I guess that made sense, Dallas had become somewhat of a friend to Fiona in the beginning of the year when he had tried asking her out. For a little while he had pursued her despite the fact that she insisted she liked girls. I guess he had given up and instead found something to love in Ally. I wanted to ask her how her relationship with Dallas came about, and what had happened to Dave? In the past Ally and I could talk endlessly about these things and I had been missing her tremendously through the hardships with Jake. I hated the fact that all these changes had occurred in her life and I knew nothing about them.

"Why don't you go talk to her?" Eli urged, "New year, new beginnings and all."

I shook my head remembering Eli was still beside me, "No I'm fine. Just wasn't expecting her to be here." I smiled despite myself, "But I'm here to have fun, which means I'd rather not think of Ally tonight."

Eli pierced his lips, nodding toward the bar. "Shall we join our friends then?"

I nodded, following beside him.

"Clare!" Hannah squealed, jumping up and down giddily and running over to engulf me in a bear hug. The boys laughed in responce.

I choked slightly and her hold loosened, pulling away. "Sorry, I forget how intense my grip can get sometimes. You look beautiful."

"Thanks Hannah, so do you."

She grinned once more, taking Adam's hand.

I had never seen Adam happier then when he was with Hannah. Even while apart, it seemed all he could talk about was her and over the past weeks I had noticed the difficulty he was having to keep himself from glancing over at her every few seconds. It was almost as though he didn't believe she was truly there with him. It made me grateful for Hannah and the gentle affection she had offered Adam. I only hoped that when the truth did come out between them she would be the one girl to stick by him.

Adam beamed at me cheerfully, "Clare you never told me you were coming."

"It was sort of a last minute thing; I really didn't think I was going to but I had no plans otherwise."

"Well that's a bit sad-

Adam was interrupted as Hannah smacked him on the back of the head.

"Ouch." He frowned, rubbing the place where she had hit him.

"What Adam meant to say was that we're so glad you decided to come out." Hannah smiled.

Adam said, "Seriously though I thought you dropped off the face of the earth or something. "

I blushed, "I didn't mean to ignore you guys or anything. There's just been a lot going on at home and it's been really tough getting out and trying to enjoy myself."

He nodded in understanding, "I get that, we all go through those rough patches at some point. Your here now, that's all that matters."

I smiled, not noticing Eli had left my side till I heard Imogen cough and make herself known. When I looked over Eli was beside her with his arm gently wrapped around her waist. Their legs were touching, making my cheeks burn.

"So do you always show up to parties without an invitation Clare?" She tilted her head, taking a sip of something that looked like white wine. Although I couldn't be sure considering we were all under age.

I felt my cheeks continue to heat up, "Umm...

Eli gave Imogen a nudge of disapproval, "I invited her Imo."

She narrowed her eyes at him and turned back to me. "But you weren't invited by the host of the party. Now I don't know about you, but I find that a bit imposing."

I swallowed, lost for words.

"Imo enough-Clare is here as Fiona's friend just like the rest of us."

She grimaced, crossing her arms and taking another swig of her drink. "If that were true, you wouldn't have been the one to invite her, would you?"

Eli shot me a look of apology and I nodded, telling him it was alright. Imogen seemed to notice the exchange, because she turned on her heels taking Eli's hand and pulling him toward the balcony. "I need some air."

I turned back to Adam and Hannah as they left. "Well that went well."

"She just needs some time to warm up to you Clare, she'll get over it." Adam chuckled.

"Does she always have to drag him away like that?" I asked annoyed.

"Imogen just doesn't know how to react to you yet. Maybe she just doesn't like putting herself in compromising situations."

I wanted to roll my eyes at that, if anyone was in a compromising situation is was me.

"But she is right about one thing," I said, looking around the room. "I should thank Fiona for allowing me to come to the party on such short notice."

I found her arguing with a one of the chefs by the catering table. She was wearing a pink crochet dress that hugged the exact right areas of her body. Her accessories were large and stood out against the fabric, and on top of her head lay a silver tiara.

"I'll catch up with you guys in a bit." I told Adam and Hannah. They nodded, moving further into the party as I made my way over to Fiona. I was close enough to catch just a fraction of what the argument was about.

"I told you to bring out the mini quiche after the salmon rolls!"

"Hey!" I yelled over the music catching Fiona's attention. She turned toward me, surprise dawned on her features. From behind her shoulder I could see the chef make a quick getaway to the other end of the room.

"Clare! Eli said you might be coming tonight."

"Yeah, listen Fiona I'm sorry for just showing up like this. I just wanted to make sure that that was alright with you?"

She waved her hand at me as though I had just said the most ridiculous thing in the world, "Of course! I can't believe I forgot to invite you in the first place; but you know I've just been completely out of my brain planning this whole event."

"Well it's a wonderful party-

She huffed, "Would be better if I could find some decent caterers for once."

I laughed in response, "But honestly Fiona, thanks for having me I really needed this."

She took a step closer, placing both hands on my shoulders, "It's great to see you here Clare. There's no need to keep thanking me. Just have fun alright?"

I nodded, smiling up at her.

Suddenly her gaze shifted behind me. "Francois! Get back here we aren't done yet!" she yelled, making me jump as she rushed past me and across the room.

I turned, chuckling as I saw her scurry after the Chef. The tiny man, who had pretended not to hear her, disappeared among the dense group of guests, his white cooking toque the only giveaway to his whereabouts.

...

I had no idea why earlier I had been so hesitant to come to Fiona's party. Now laughing and dancing with my friends, I realised there was nowhere else I would rather be. New Years was all about spending time with the people closest to you but also about meeting new people; and considering Fiona's vast contact base, I had definitely met some pretty interesting people. There was a couple names Liz and Larson, once famous contortionists of the Ringling Brothers circus and now lead trainers of Cirque du Soleil. Caryn Brewing, an apprentice of Chuck Palahniuk and finally Lisa Gilbert, a student from the Toronto Interpreter and current intern of the famous reporter Asher Shostak. I had spent hours talking about the industry with her, telling her my plans to apply for an internship with the paper next year. Based on my portfolio she had even offered to put in a good word for me with the intern employer. Immediately after finishing my conversation with Lisa I rushed over to the catering table where Eli was filling his plate. I grabbed his hand, making him drop the food on the floor and pulling him into the empty hallway leading to Fiona's room. Once inside I closed the door behind us, leaning against the door and biting my lip with excitement.

"You know I was planning on eating all that stuff back there?" Eli joked,

I grinned breathlessly at him. "Lisa said she wants to read my work! She said she might even pass on my stuff to Asher Shostak for recommendation if she thinks it fits interpreter standards!"I pushed off the door, walking closer to him. "Asher fricking Shostak Eli! Do you know how many doors this could open for me?"

A wide smile formed on the corner of his lips as he pulled me into a hug. "Clare that's amazing!" He stated proudly.

"I owe it to you really... I would never have been able to build my portfolio let alone speak to Lisa if it weren't for your support."

"Clare I just helped you bring out the talent you already knew you had. The rest you did on your own."

Just then my eyes widened as I took in the reality of the situation. "Oh god! What is she hates it! What if this ruins my chances of getting into the Interpreter! What if-

I was stopped as Eli placed a finger to my lips, silencing me. "Remember how great you felt just a second ago?"

I nodded, looking down to his finger which still rested on my lip, grateful Imogen was elsewhere with Fiona, readying the confetti canon for midnight.

"Well take that feeling and express it in your writing. You do that and nothing can stop you Clare."

I smiled against his touch, feeling a warmth running under my skin and churning furiously in my chest. I had the oddest urge to kiss his finger and pierced my lips just slightly to keep from doing so.

_ God Clare You need to stop this! Eli has Imogen. He loves Imogen and you love Jake._

If that were true, why then was his finger still on my lip? Why was he smiling down at me the same way I was staring up at him? Why were neither of us moving?

"Yo!" Adam's voice suddenly interrupted as he entered the room. Eli sighed, lowering his hand and for the first time in my life I could actually say I was disappointed to see Adam.

Adam gave us a suspicious glance, nodding toward the living room. "Just collecting everyone for the countdown." He explained.

We both nodded, "Sure we'll be right over." I told him wanting badly for him to leave and for Eli and I to be alone again.

He gave us another weary look and then exited the room without another word. Eli and I hesitated in place for a moment, staring at one another, unsure how to stifle the clear tension still building around us.

After a few seconds Eli spoke. "We better head back." He stated, walking past me and toward the door.

I turned, grabbing his arm. "Eli-

He paused, looking down at my hand before gently pulling away. "Come on I don't want to miss the countdown."

Reluctantly, I nodded, allowing him to open the door for me and for the both of us to walk out.

Everyone was gathered in the living room; socializing in anticipation around the television. Some guy Fiona had hired moved about the crowd with a large box in his hand, offering the guests noise makers. As he made his way to us, he reached into the box pushing the small horns in our faces till Eli and I finally relented and took them. We stood silently in the middle of the crowd. The speakers blared loudly to the the song "No Way" by the Naked and Famous.

"10!" The crowd began to shout in unison. "I swallowed, glancing at Eli who stared straight like he was afraid to move.

"9...8...!" My breath hitched as I felt the restless bodies around me excitedly jumping about, and dancing, pushing around the crowd in order to be beside their friends while ringing in the New Year.

"7...6...!" There was pressure building inside me, a deep rooted and nervous excitement that I was completely terrified of. I clenched my toes praying my feet would stay put.

"5...4...!"

_Careful Clare, Don't do anything stupid!_

"3...2!"

Suddenly I was shoved into Eli. He caught me by the arms, and looked down at me; his green emeralds meeting my blue orbs. It was then I knew that as hard as he tried to hide it, Eli was mirroring the same terrified expression that I was.

"1"

And without a second thought, I leaned up and closed my eyes.

"Happy New Years!"

The confetti canon burst, the music screamed in my ears, the crowd shrieked and blew on their noise makers with enthusiasm but all I felt was the jolt of electricity run through me as Eli's lips parted against my own. His nails tightened on my arms hungrily, and I felt myself dropping the noise maker to the floor. I leaned further into him, wanting...no praying for more of his touch, never wanting him to release me. It was nothing like kissing Jake, all rushed and clumsy. Eli kissed me with passion and tenderness as though he were suffocating and I was the one giving him air. I hadn't realised till now how much I had missed the feeling of his lips against my own, it was like we were molded to fit each other. His tongue gently tickled the top of my mouth and fought teasingly with my mine.

Just as I had felt like I could never get enough of kissing Eli, he pulled me off of him. We stood among the frantic crowd in disbelief, breathing heavily. He suddenly looked up and his body tensed as his gaze reached behind me. Eli's pupils began to dilate, his features twisting as though he were in pain.

"Imo..."

I felt my stomach sink. Caught up in the thrill of kissing Eli I had forgotten one vital piece of information...he was taken and so was I.

I turned slowly. Imogen was just a few feet away from us. Only now she wasn't glaring at me. Instead what I saw in her made me want to crawl into a dark hole and burry myself there for an eternity of punishment. She stood frozen and shaking in place, her eyes glassed over with tears. She had witnessed everything. Her bottom lip trembled and before Eli could say anymore she rushed off through the crowd, slamming herself in Fiona's bathroom.

"No! Imo wait!" Eli yelled after her, stepping away from me and watching her disappear into the room. His back was to me, now ignorant of my presence. As terrible as it was, I couldn't help but feel hurt that Eli suddenly had dismissed me.

I bit my bottom lip, feeling my stomach twist painfully and my ears ring for the second time that day. This party...Eli, it was all a mistake. Without telling him, I pushed past the crowd and into the elevator. It seemed forever till the doors finally shut but when they did I found myself hyperventilating, struggling to control the sudden onset for stability.

"Get a hold of yourself!" My thoughts screamed, as I stumbled out of the elevator and out the lobby doors.

"Miss are you alright?" The doorman asked politely. I ignored him, reaching into my purse and dialing a taxi. I continued to jut away from the hotel, wanting to escape the hopeless reality of kissing Eli.

"Clare!"

I came to a halt as I heard his familiar voice call after me. I wanted to smile, but instead I turned to face him, biting the inside of my cheek to keep from letting on how happy I was to see him running toward me.

"Eli...I'm okay you don't have to-

"What the hell was that back there?" He asked furiously, as he closed the distance between us. His cheeks were flushed from the cold and I had to blink to ignore how cute he looked even while utterly pissed off at me.

Surprised by his tone, I stepped back hurt.

"Excuse me?"

"Why did you kiss me?" His voice was raised, not enough to scare me but enough to make me realise that Eli had no intention of running after me for a good reason.

"In case you've forgotten, you kissed me back!" I yelled heatedly.

He inhaled clenching his jaw, "I was confused..."

"Confused? How is kissing someone confusing? When you like someone you kiss them. It's as easy as that Eli!"

"I-Clare Imogen is my girlfriend."

"And I'm you're-

I paused, going silent. In all honesty I had no idea what to say to explain Eli's feelings for me. "What am I to you Eli?"

"Don't ask me that." He stated dryly.

I shook my head, in incomprehension. "Can you honestly say you don't have feelings for me anymore?

He placed a hand to his forehead tensely, and began to pace. "Why are you doing this to me Clare!"

I flinched at the brokenness in his voice. In that moment, it was like I was watching a vulnerable child and not the confident boy I had grown so strongly to care for over the past two years.

"I moved on like you wanted..." Eli continued, "I found someone who loves me for who I am! You were the one who ended it remember? You said we were never getting back together and now you all of a sudden decide to change your mind?"

"It's not all of a sudden." Fresh tears filled my eyes and I stepped closer to him desperately wanting him to know that my feelings for him had never changed, even when I had tried to convince myself otherwise. "Eli..." I whispered, taking another step and placing a hand to his cheek. He leaned into me, clenching his eyes shut, torn.

The moment only lasted a split second before he moved away from me, as though my touch had physically burned him. "No!" he whispered sternly, "You made your decision Clare...maybe you were right the first time around. We've changed; become different people-

"Eli-

"But Imogen...she would never hurt me-

"Is this about that night at the dance with the hearse? Eli I thought we've made up for that."

"Clare, this isn't about the hearse or my bi-polar disorder. This is about-He paused, shaking his head, "Just forget it, it doesn't matter now."

"No, you can't do that! What is it that you're still punishing me for?"

"He looked down, rubbing the sole of his shoe against the dirt ridden pavement before looking up with tears in his eyes. It made my heart clench to know that something I had done had caused him so much pain.

"Do you remember that night at the cabin Clare?"

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion but nodded, "The night you found me in the forest? Yeah...I remember."

He took a breath, "After we came back to the cabin, you rushed into the bedroom and Jake followed you...

I swallowed, unsure where this conversation was headed.

"Do you remember what you talked about?"

That was the night Jake and I had gotten back together. I attempted to think back, scanning my brain through the conversation and wondering how anything said between Jake and I could affect Eli so drastically; and then all of a sudden it dawned on me. The colour shed from my face and I looked up at him mournfully.

"You heard us?"

He nodded. "Next time you plan on having a private conversation, rent a cabin with thicker walls."

"Eli, when I told Jake that I thought about kissing you to make him jealous...I wasn't in the right mind. I-I was angry at him, and you were just there and-

Eli pierced his lip for a second and exhaled, "How do you think I felt knowing that every moment we spent together, every kiss we shared was just a martyr so you could make some other guy jealous? Did our relationship really mean that little to you Clare?"

"What? No! Eli I didn't mean what I said that night! Don't you think I would have kissed you and flaunted it in Jake's face if I didn't care about you? I stopped myself because I knew you were better than that."

He shook his head unconvinced, "I told myself that night that I couldn't keep waiting around for you to change your mind about me. I had to stop treating Imogen like some replacement girlfriend. She didn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve what I did to her tonight either."

"I took a step desperately toward him and he stepped away in response. "I don't think we should be friends anymore Clare. I thought I could handle it but I was wrong."

I shook my head, choking out my words. "What I said was a long time ago-"

"It's not just about what you said Clare, I'm part of this too. I made the mistake of thinking you and I could just be friends. I kissed you back!" He paused, running a hand through his hair, "but after tonight, I have to at leaste try to make things right between Imogen and I."

"Eli please..." I breathed. "I need you."

He clenched his jaw, placing his hands in his pockets and looking me straight in the eye. "We both know I'm not the friend you need right now Clare.

Even while furiously plucking himself out of my life, Eli was still attempting to bring me closer to Ally.

Just then a flash of green and orange reflected in my peripherals as the cab pulled up to the curb beside us.

Eli looked at me again, his expression saddened, "Bye Edwards." He said quietly before turning and walking back up the street toward Fiona's.

"So that's it then?" I called, angrily to his back. I could feel the pressure in my head growing thicker like I might collapse at the realization that Eli was once more walking out of my life. Passers glanced at me, curious about the girl decked in chiffon and having a breakdown in the middle of the sidewalk.

Eli said nothing, continuing to walk down the path.

"Eli!" I yelled again.

Silence.

"Eli answer me!" I screamed furiously at him, gasping tirelessly, when all that I heard was the sound of drunken party goers and cars lulling in the distance. My hands shook as I reached for the door handle collapsing in the cab for support.

"Seat belt honey," The cabby ordered gently, glancing at me through the rear view mirror. I nodded through tear filled eyes, pulling the seatbelt across myself.

As the driver pulled onto the road, I leaned my head against the window, sobbing silently to myself as the recollection of a similar memory flashed in my thoughts. It was me, dressed up and standing in the cold, yelling at the boy I loved through a dead cell signal. I called to him with fear and desperation waiting for his response...any response but nothing came.

Only this time, Eli wasn't the one who had created the wreckage out of our relationship, I was; and now I was sure he was lost to me for good.

**A/N: Hey guys just want to say that although I make reference to the Asher storyline in this chapter, no such storyline will actually occur in this particular story. Also I own none of the characters on Degrassi or any songs referenced from the Naked and Famous. Although they are an amazing band and if you haven't heard them I recomend you check them out:) Till next time guys, thanks again for the reviews.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hey my amazing readers, I am so so sooo extremely sorry for how ridiculously late this update is. Three months, is a completely inexcusable time to make you wait for the newest chapter and I hope you can all forgive me. I have been going through some tough times lately, and its been really hard to get up the will to properly write. This chapter I have re-written on and off during my funk but I was finally able to get it done and ready for you readers so I hope you enjoy. I am back in my writing mojo and with a vengeance I might add. So I promise to update more regularly with summer vacation here. I hope you like this chapter and I haven't lost anyone during the crushingly long wait. I'm hoping to update again very soon but if you have the time to leave a review please do! It inspires me to keep going with this story and helps me to know that I still have supporters out there:) Enjoy guys and thanks to all of you for the kind words thus far!**

Chapter 11: A Helping Hand

In the days following the New Years kiss Eli had not reached out to me once to clear things up. Not a single text or phone call, despite all my many efforts to make amends with him. I guess I shouldn't have expected him to contact me. After all he had made his stance on our friendship pretty clear the moment he left me alone outside Fiona's party, but that didn't stop me from feeling any less terrible about the situation.

"This was not my fault," I tried to convince myself for the thousandth time. Yet even as I spoke the words aloud, I knew they were a lie. I had meant to kiss Eli; in fact it felt good...amazing even. For one blissful moment I had felt completely whole with him. Unfortunately Eli regretted the kiss and worse, his decision to befriend me. Our relationship was now broken beyond repair because of my careless decisions; because I had chosen to kiss him and for those fateful words I could never take back.

"I thought about kissing Eli to make you jealous." Just thinking about it made me sick. I was sure Eli had lost all respect for me, something I couldn't blame him for. And now I was left powerless as he ultimately ended any ties between us without even a backward glance.

I should have just respected his decision and moved on, but the idea of going back to being enemies hurt more than any physical pain could. So I found myself shamefully phoning him on many accounts, and with each unreciprocated call I could only grow more worried. The reality was that despite all we had been through together, Eli and I could never be friends again. Too much had been said between us and none of it could be taken back. These thoughts could only fester in my mind as I sat cross legged on my bed, staring at my phone which lay only inches out of my grasp. I resisted the urge to pick it up and call once more. I had already left four voicemails on Eli's cell and I was convinced none of those messages had brought him any closer to forgiving me.

My phone began to vibrate and in a start I flung myself across the mattress and clutched the cell to my ear.

"Hello!" I yelped into the receiver.

"Clare?" My face fell as I realised it was not Eli but instead my mother on the receiving end. She sounded confused at my unsuspected outburst and I cleared my throat gaining my composure and starting to comprehend the situation. My mother, who I had not spoken to in almost a week, was now willingly phoning me. I could only hope that this call was a sign that things in my life were finally looking up.

"Mom?" I asked, a smile pulling at the corners of my lips. Such hopes were quickly lost as I noticed the coldness still obvious in her tone. My smile faded and I clenched my jaw to suppress my disappointment.

"I just wanted to let you two know that Glen and I will be coming home this afternoon instead of tomorrow."

I swallowed, my eyes widening in panic. "This afternoon?" I asked. My pitch heightened nervously, betraying any notion of appearing casual.

"Clare are you alright?" My mother asked.

"I'm fine!" I squeaked too quickly and I could tell she was growing suspicious. I cleared my throat again, sitting up straighter. "I mean, I'm fine. So how come you're coming back so early?"

"Apparently a storm is moving in from the East, we thought it would be better to leave now and avoid getting caught on the roads."

"Oh, okay well I guess Jake and I will see you soon then-"

I could hear my mother sigh before she hung up, not bothering to say a goodbye. In shock I held the phone to my ear. Glen's cabin was only a few hours out of the city which meant Jake and I had minimal time to prepare before our parents got home. Getting myself together, I sat up from the bed; tossing the covers on the floor and darted across the hall to Jake's bedroom.

Though I had not spoken to Jake much since New Years, I was sure he didn't want to face our parent's wrath anymore then I did.

"Jake open up!" I yelled, slamming my fist on the door. I could practically hear his eyes roll back into his head as he slumped off his bed and pulled the door wide.

"What is it Clare?" He groaned, still half asleep and leaning his body against the door frame for support. His stale mood only lasted about a second before he noticed my horrified expression. "Clare-

"Our-parents-home-today!" I gasped.

It was all I needed to say. Jake's eyes met mine, suddenly alert.

"Shit!" He yelled, before he rushed past me and raced down the stairs. I followed behind, almost knocking into him at the foot of the steps.

We both looked around the house, taking in the near impossible job ahead. Our parents had only been gone a week, but between my personal distractions and Jake's caveman like tendencies, the household hadn't exactly been kempt to our parent's standards. In fact it was an absolute pig sty. Empty beer cans and stale popcorn were splayed haphazardly on the floor. An un-smoked blunts sat on the coffee table beside Jake's stash of weed. The shelving units on the wall hung off their hinges from when Drew clumsily attempted to climb them and our parents' alphabetized DVD collection now lie in surrounding areas of the house. The kitchen was not a far cry from the living room. Dishes were piled high, and overflowed onto the counter while food and crumbs stained the tile floors and stuck to the tables like glue.

Jake winced, "What time did they say they would be back?"

"They're already on the road. I think we have about an hour maybe two at most."

"The house is a dump!" He muttered, walking into the kitchen and throwing an empty pizza box in the recycling bin. "We'll never finish cleaning this on time."

"We will." I stated, picking up a cereal box and walking over to the cupboard to put it away. "Come on the house isn't that..." I was interrupted as a mess of perishables came crashing downward. Jake pulled me out of the way, just as the cans hit the counter; bursting open and spilling everywhere. I swallowed, as Jake and I examined the mess.

"It looks like we just through a frat party." I gawked.

Jake didn't argue as he lowered himself into a chair, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples stressfully. "This is all my fault, if I hadn't had everyone over on New Year's-.

As much as I would have loved to rub my victory in Jake's face, I knew this wasn't the time. Despite the fact that he had gotten us into this mess, we both were responsible for the condition of the house and right now all that was important was getting the place clean before our parents got home.

I stepped closer to him, snapping my finger in his face. He blinked, looking up at me.

"Focus Jake, we don't have time for this!"

"Yeah but-

"No buts! You and I both know that if our parents see this mess then things are going to get a lot worse than they are now so get up and help me!"

Jake eyes widened in surprise before he grinned, getting to his feet. "You know I forget how bossy you can get sometimes."

"Well my bossiness is going to save us a lot of hassle when our parents get home. Come on Jake, we need to do this together..." I held out my hand for him questioningly, "For the sake of our own wellbeing...truce?"

Jake glanced down for a second in contemplation before finally taking my hand and shaking it in agreement, "Truce, and for the record I'm kind of liking bossy Clare."

...

We split up, each tackling a different part of the house, Jake the living room and me the kitchen. As I did the dishes, Jake went to work on tossing the empty beer cans into the recycle bins and cleaning up any illegal reminisce of weed. We thrashed about between the rooms, tossing one another cleaning supplies, and wiping down every surface. An hour later and much to our surprise we were nearly done despite the shelves still hanging off their hinges. Jake grabbed a step ladder from the laundry room, beginning to fix the units as I popped in my iPod and started vacuuming. I danced about the living room, picking up any leftover popcorn debris when I heard a muddled voice.

"Clare watch out for the ladder."

"What?" I yelled, barely able to hear what Jake was saying.

"I said watch out for the ladder!" He shouted again, only this time all I saw was his lips moving under the rumbling music of Super Bass.

"Huh?" I repeated, starting to turn down the volume on my iPod.

"Clare!" Jake shouted for the third time, I hadn't noticed how closely I was vacuuming near him till it was too late. With a rough thud I swerved the vacuum head into the foot of the ladder. Jake knees shook. He tripped while attempting to right himself before stumbling off the ladder and falling toward me.

All I could do was watch as his figure catapulted my way, his body colliding roughly with my own and knocking us to the floor. Simultaneously, my foot caught on the vacuum cord, pulling it out of it socket and wrapping our ankles together.

Jake and I squirmed furiously in our cocoon like state, attempting to pull the cord loose.

"Ouch!" I shouted, as his elbow pushed into my ribs. "Watch what you're doing!"

"Hmm, maybe you should take your own advice Clare. You were the one who knocked the ladder down remember?"

"Well you should have warned me!"

"I did! Who listens to their iPod that loud anyway? You're going to go deaf by the time your twenty, you know that right?"

I rolled my eyes, attempting to kick myself free but instead coming into contact with a particularly sensitive part of Jake's anatomy.

"Argg!" Jake groaned, blinking back tears.

"Sorry!" I choked against the pressure of his chest. "But I can't exactly breathe with you on top of me like this."

He propped a hand on either side of my shoulders, lifting himself up slightly. "Better?"

"Much." I stated, looking up to see Jake smiling coyly.

"What?" I asked confused and slightly annoyed.

"It's just-the way we're positioned right now, it sort of brings back a few memories."

My cheeks flushed, as I shrunk farther against the hard wood floor.

_"Why did he have to say that?" _As if this situation wasn't awkward enough, now all I could think about were the occasions where Jake and I had become particularly hot and heavy in his bedroom when our parents weren't home.

I could tell Jake had seen my cheeks redden; it was hard to miss considering how pale my skin was. He laughed softly, "How is that we always manage to get ourselves in the most ridiculous situations?"

I placed a hand to my forehead, feeling the heat of my skin permeating on my palm. "We're Jake and Clare, It comes with the title."

As I spoke Jake's light hearted mood turned solemn. He went quiet, gazing down into my eyes and making me swallow against my dry throat.

With a final pull I felt the cord come loose from my ankles and stared up at Jake expectantly.

"You can get up now." I stated a matter-o-fact only Jake remained still. He bit his bottom lip in the nervous way I had always noticed when we were together and in that instant I knew what he was about to do.

"Jake-I began but it was too late.

He leaned down, kissing me and despite my confusion I found myself kissing him back. In fact I welcomed the kiss. His hands slid up my arms, clasping my hands in his own and pinning me to the floor. His lips were hard against my mouth, and I strained to keep his pace against the conflicting thoughts in my mind. The thoughts of a raven haired boy I just couldn't seem to shake no matter how hard I tried. Just then Jake pulled back breathing deeply.

"I missed you." He smiled against my lips before leaning down and kissing me again.

I felt my stomach sink with guilt. I wanted to believe my actions were genuine and that somehow my feelings for Jake had suddenly resurfaced out of realization that I truly loved him. Only, despite how hard I tried to become lost in his kiss, I couldn't. The pressure of his body against my own felt unfamiliar and strange. Jake's lips were not the lips I wanted to be kissing everyday for the rest of my life. I had once believed they could be, but losing Eli made me realise just what and who I truly wanted but also who I couldn't be without. While I would always care for Jake, I had never fallen out of love with Eli. All this time my heart belonged to him.

Kissing Jake was a charade; I was using him in an attempt to forget how badly Eli had broken my heart. It was no different than what I had done to Eli at the cabin and it made me feel even worse about myself. How could I keep hurting the people I cared about? Jake was willingly opening up his feeling to me and here I was thinking about someone else as I kissed him. I couldn't do this, not anymore.

My lips began to slow and I turned away from Jake catching my breath.

He sighed deeply staring down at me with a mixture of hurt and confusion. "Clare what's the mat-?

"I can't do this." I interrupted, feeling my voice becoming shaky.

"I don't understand."

I pulled my hands free from his grip, beginning to sit up. Jake moved off of my body, sitting up beside me. I could feel his eyes on me waiting for an answer as I pulled my knees against myself, staring straight, uncertain how to explain what I had done.

"Clare will you please just talk to me."

I swallowed, "This is wrong."

"What is?"

"This!" I began, gesturing between us. "You and me. I can't pretend that everything is okay between us because it's not."

Jake edged closer, willing me to look at him. His eyes seemed nervous beyond belief, and I felt my insides twisting for what I was about to tell him.

"Clare I thought that this kiss meant everything was fine between us again."

"Nothing is fine about this Jake." I stated softly.

He ran a hand through his hair unsure how to respond. Only when he did speak, the words that came out were nothing what I expected.

"Jenna told you what happened didn't she?"

I felt my body stiffen. _What could Jenna possibly have to do with this?_

Then it hit me, while I had reason to feel guilty, Jake had his own secret eating away at his conscience.

He afraid that I knew something I shouldn't, afraid that he might lose me because of it. What was worse, I was afraid of what that something might be and whether or not I wanted to find out

"Jake what are talking about?" I asked hesitantly.

His eyes widened, stricken with panic. "Wait-you don't know? But you seemed so upset and then you said-"

I shook my head, my ears beginning to burn with realization. "Jenna didn't tell me anything Jake. But I think I'm starting to figure it out."

"Please Clare just let me explain." He clenched his jaw, regret flashing across his face as he began to describe his unintended confession. "...after you left, I was really beat up about what happened with us and Jenna offered to come over and talk."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "And by talk you really mean what?"

"Clare..." He reached out to touch my arm and I flinched away in response.

"What happened between you two Jake?"

He lowered his head shamefully, before gazing back at me with a pained expression. "I slept with Jenna on New Year's Clare."

I inhaled, feeling embarrassed and humiliated as I took in Jake's words. How could I have been so foolish? Here I was feeling terrible for kissing Eli and Jake had slept with Jenna. Would he have even told me the truth had I not stopped our kiss? I could feel my stomach twisting with anger and clenched my fists at my sides; too keep from doing something I might regret.

"Why did you kiss me then?" I asked, still seething.

He paused, attempting to decipher his action into words, "Laying here with you, it felt like things were normal again. Like we were connected to each other in a way we haven't been for a while. I just wanted to hold onto that...kissing you was the only way I knew how."

"But you've been sleeping with Jenna while we were together?"

"No! Clare it was a onetime thing I swear!"

I scoffed, getting to my feet. How could I believe anything he said? All this time he had claimed Jenna was just his friend and now my suspicions proved legitimate in a matter of seconds. He grabbed for my arm, turning me back to face him. In a swift movement I ripped free from his grip.

"Clare please can we just talk about this?"

"You want to talk? Okay let's talk! Did you ever plan on telling me about what happened with her Jake?"

"Yes of course I was going to tell you!"

"When?" I yelled, no longer able to compose my emotions, "After our kiss? After you and I went back to normal? What if things really became serious between us, would you have told me then? Or would you have just waited to sleep with us both before making your decision!"

"Clare stop! I would never use you like that; sleeping with Jenna was a mistake. She isn't the one I want, you are!"

"You're crazy if you think I believe that for a second!"

He took a step closer to me and I pushed him away, "don't!" I stated curtly, feeling tears well up in my eyes. I couldn't let him see my cry, I refused to.

"Clare I kissed you for a reason! Jenna doesn't matter to me, but my feelings for you are real!"

I was no longer willing to hear anything else Jake had to say; by this point I was too far gone to even think straight. Every emotion I had ever felt in the past months came rushing together cataclysmically in my thoughts. I just wanted to escape; escape my issues with Jake, from Eli, my mom, Ally, everyone...and that's exactly what I did. Without another word I turned and ran out the front door. Even as I heard Jake call after me, even though I had no clue where I was going; I kept my feet moving afraid I might succumb to the pain if I ever chose to stop.

...

I wasn't sure how long I had been running for. Only when I finally forced my feet to slow did I realise I was standing outside of the Dot.

My chest convulsed in protest and I rested my hands on my knees, to catch my breath. When I looked up I couldn't help but glare resentfully at the tiny coffee house.

Of all my places this is where I had to end up? I had been to the Dot on countless occasions with my friends in the past but now this building seemed foreign to me. I hadn't even stepped foot in the place since Open Mike night and the fiasco with Jake.

Did I really want to risk going inside and running into someone I knew? I wasn't exactly in the mood to see anyone, especially not someone who had shut me out because of my recent actions. My emotions still felt haywire and I couldn't trust myself or what I might do in the wrong situation.

Obviously, going home was out of the question and the only friend I had left was Adam. He was in such a good place with Hannah and happier then I had ever seen him. The last thing I wanted to do was burden him with my problems. Not to mention put him in a situation where he felt obligated to choose sides between me and Eli. He already faced months of torture when Eli and I first broke up, he didn't need to deal with that again.

But if I couldn't speak to Adam, then who could I speak to? I felt as though a giant weight was slowly sinking in on me, and not having someone to help carry that weight was beginning to take its toll. There was a terrible throbbing building between my temples and I closed my eyes, exhaling. My mind needed to rest which meant the Dot would have to suffice as my hide out for the time being.

Cautiously I walked into the shop and was welcomed by the scent of fresh coffee beans and sweet pastries. A blender sounded from behind the confectionary counter, making me jump in irritation.

I took the table farthest from the entrance, a tiny two seated nook in the back of the cafe. Almost immediately I regretted my decision to come inside. The place was overtly busy from the breakfast rush and most tables had already been claimed. The small bell nailed to the hood of the door rang each time a new customer entered the shop; which meant it had been going off nearly every minute since I took my seat. Thankfully no one I recognized from school had made an appearance yet.

_You really got yourself in a predicament this time Clare._

The throbbing only continued to get worse and I lowered my head on the table trying to push the negative thoughts from my mind. My attempts were fruitless, the memories were swift to resurface and I felt new tears fill my eyes. In a matter of months I managed to ostracize nearly every important person in my life. I had hurt Eli beyond belief, pushed Ally away for no good reason, betrayed my mother and brought Jake to the point of cheating.

How had I let everything spin so far out of control?

Suddenly the clank of porcelain brought me back to my senses and I sat up to see a steaming mug of hot chocolate lying before me.

"You looked like you could use this." A soft voice spoke, and only then did I notice who was standing before me. A blond haired woman with wildly teased hair, and smoky eye makeup; she was sporting her regular hoop earrings and denim studded vest with ripped jeans. I smiled up at her, feeling a lump rise in my throat.

"Cece..." I croaked, no longer able to suppress my feelings, allowing the tears to now fall freely.

Cece's eyes filled with immediate maternal instinct as she took the seat across from me, reaching out and placing a gently hand on my arm. "Oh honey."

_Yeah my emotions were definitely acting haywire. _

I turned my head to look at the wall, embarrassed to be crying in public. No doubt I was attracting unwanted priers. Even worse, I hated that Cece had been the one to find me in this state, she was Eli's mother and I had no right to be bringing her into this.

"I-I'm s-sorry Cece, I feel like a-an idiot." I hiccupped.

She shook her head at me with concern, "Of course you're not an idiot sweat heart...

"But I r-ruined everything," I cried out in another wave of sobs, an embarrassing heaving sound escaping my lips.

"Shhh, just take your time."

Cece gave me a few moments to calm down, and I let out one final pathetic snivel before gaining the composure to face her. She gave me a tender smile, nodding toward the hot chocolate she had bought me. With shaking hands I reached for the warm liquid, mewling over the temporary calmness that seemed to fill my body as I took a sip.

After a few seconds Cece spoke, "Do you want to tell me what all this is about?" she asked.

The last thing I wanted to do was talk to my ex-boyfriend's mother about my personal drama, especially considering the majority of said drama had to do wither her son. Unsure what to say, I remained silent and Cece patted my arm reassuringly.

"Honey just because you aren't dating my son anymore doesn't mean we can't still have a little heart to heart." She gave me another smile, edging forward and whispering to me, "I do miss our girl talks."

I laughed quietly, deciding to accept Cece's kindness. Right now all I needed was a shoulder to lean on and Cece was willingly offering me hers. I had to trust that she would listen wholeheartedly to what I had to say with no judgements.

"I don't even know how to explain-

"Start from the beginning and it'll come to you."

I nodded, taking a breath and allowing the words to suddenly pour out; my issues with my mother and my ongoing fight with Ally, Jakes confession, and perhaps most painful of all, my feelings for Eli and what I had done to him at the cabin. It all came spilling from my lips in a rush of suppressed feelings and discomfort.

By the time I was done, my body felt weak and I had to lean on the table for support.

Cece gave me a grave look, "Well that is a lot for a young girl to handle. I can see why you were crying." She nudged me playfully, causing me to smile despite myself.

"What am I going to do Cece?"

"I don't know sweat heart, the best thing I can tell you is follow your heart."

Follow my heart? I loved Cece but that advice was nothing I couldn't get out of a $3.99 self help book from the bargain book store down the street.

"Only you know what to do to make things right," She finished.

"But how can I make things right if no one will even talk to me?"

Cece sighed, taking a sip of her green tea, "Can I tell you something sweet heart?"

I nodded and she pulled her chair closer to me. "I'm not sure if Eli ever told you this, but when he was around nine, he started getting bullied by this older boy at his school."

I swallowed, remembering that horrible night after the Monty Carlo dance when Eli confessed his trials with a bully named Mike; and his reasoning for the ongoing war between him and Fitz.

"Bullfrog and I, we didn't realize. At that time things were really starting to take off with the radio show and our priorities had become blurred. Eli was coming home with bruises, he was quieter than usual. Often times he would fake sick just to get out of going school every morning and we were too preoccupied with our own business to notice the shell of our once angelic little boy."

I swallowed, hating the thought of Eli being so lost as a child, he was strong, talented funny confident...never frightened by others.

"How did you find out?"

"The school called us one day; told us Eli had broken his arm during Recess."

I swallowed not wanting to believe that someone could hurt Eli so drastically, "It wasn't an accident was it?"

Cece's eyes filled with tears and she shook her head, "No it wasn't. Eli had told the principal that he and another boy were playing on a steep hill when he fell and hit a rock."

"But what really happened?"

"That boy...Mike I think his name was, he twisted our sons' arm so badly it fractured in two places."

I gasped, placing a hand to my mouth. I wanted to punish Mike for everything he had put Eli through but I could only listen helplessly as Cece continued with her story.

"So I took him to the hospital; I didn't even think to ask any questions. Eli told the principal he had fallen and I believed it. My baby was terrified and I ignored what was right in front of me. It wasn't till later that evening when we were at home and Bullfrog and I learned the truth."

"Eli told you?"

"More or less, we were eating dinner when he finally broke down. He threw his plate at the kitchen wall and blamed us for putting him in that school, for not noticing he was being bullied...for not protecting him. He called us terrible parents and told us he hated us."

I swallowed, unable to imagine Eli ever saying such things to his parents; they had the closest relationship I had ever seen.

"What did you do?"

"You mean after crying my eyes out for about eight hours?" She chuckled mournfully, "We talked to our son and found out what was really going on with him. Bullfrog and I told Eli how sorry we were for letting him down and I made a promise to myself that I would never put myself before my child again."

"And the bully?"

"We found Eli a new school, things got better after that."

I breathed, thankful that Eli had escaped such anguish, but still unsure how this story related to me. Cece seemed to sense my confusion and she reached out taking my hands before continuing, "My point is that sometimes we get lost in our own problems and don't realise when we're hurting the people closest to us. I needed Eli to be honest with me no matter how much it hurt to hear because if we aren't honest with those we love then who can we really be honest with?"

She paused, squeezing my hands tightly. "You may not have reacted the best way with your mother but she hasn't exactly been keen on your feelings either. Maybe telling her the truth was a wakeup call for her; a way for the two of you to hash everything out. As for Ally, I've never met the girl, but it seems like you both made mistakes. Reach out to her Clare, I'm sure you'll find that she's much more open to reconciling your friendship then you think."

I tapped my fingers on the table, still unconvinced, "And Jake?"

"Well from what you've told me, I'm getting the sense that you two have been having troubles for a while now?"

I nodded, "Things started of great when we got back together; but then it's like something shifted. It's not the same between us anymore."

"That wouldn't have anything to do with my son would it?"

I said nothing and Cece smirked, it was crazy how similar she and Eli seemed in that moment. "Do you still care about Jake?"

"Yeah, of course I do."

"When he told you about Jenna, how did that make you feel?"

"Angry," I answered, feeling my cheeks turn red thinking back to a few hours ago when I had stormed out of the house.

"Why?"

"Because he lied to me Cece!"

"But were you actually torn up about the situation or were you simply angry that he had the nerve to cheat on you?"

I clenched my jaw, beginning to see where Cece was going. "Why does it matter? The point is he cheated. I can't forgive him for that."

"Clare, did you think once about your feelings for Jake, or fear how his actions might negatively affect your relationship?"

"No but that's not the point!"

"I hope you don't mind me saying this honey, but I think your ego was bruised more than your feelings for this boy."

I inhaled, processing her words. Cece was right, I didn't love Jake...I wasn't jealous or even sad that he had slept with Jenna. The reason I had been so upset was because Jake had hurt my pride; I could care less about his relationship with Jenna otherwise. Jake may have cheated, but all this time I had emotionally scorned him without even realising.

"Of course I must be a little bias...seeing as how Eli is my son and all." Cece joked, interrupting my thoughts.

I bit my lip, lost for words.

Cece eyes met mine and she squeezed my hand once more, telling me she had more to ask, "Do you love him hun?"

I swallowed, understanding what Cece meant. She was no longer on the topic of Jake but instead asking me whether I still loved Eli. I knew my answer immediately and spoke the words without even a second thought. "Yes..." I whispered. "I do."

Cece grinned, "So what's the problem?"

I pulled my hands free from Cece's grip, sitting back in the chair with frustration. She gave me a saddened look, tilting her head in confusion.

"It's over, Eli said it himself." I stated.

Cece huffed, "You both have been through some hard times, but that doesn't mean it over, nothing is over till you accept it's over."

"But we're toxic together Cece! Eli and I, we've always had this amazing connection right from the beginning. I used to think we brought out the best in each other; now all I can see is how much we bring out the worst."

"Honey, you can't pick and choose what you love about someone. When you love a person, you love them for everything that they are good and bad."

"I know, and I do love Eli...but I don't think either of us can go through that again."

"Let me tell you something Clare. When you and Eli first began seeing each other, I was so happy to see him finally moving on. I saw this glow in him, unlike anything I've ever seen in him before. It was like you were the only person who could bring it out. He's never had it with anyone but you and I don't think that has changed. It'd be a shame to see two people give that up so easily."

I felt my nerves run wild at her words. "But Cece, no matter what I do, someone will end up getting hurt."

"I know honey; but love is a painful struggle. That's why you have to find the one person whose worth hurting for and hold onto them. Because when it comes down to it, all that bad just paves the way for all the good to come after."

It was the truth, Eli was only boy I wanted to laugh and cry and kiss and fight with, but above all else he was the only boy I wanted to fight for. I wanted to do everything on earth with him, and face whatever obstacles lie ahead so long as Eli was the one doing it with me.

I crossed my arms, feeling a pit form in my stomach, "He'll never forgive me Cece."

"He will, you just have to give him some time."At that moment she pushed the chair free from our table, beginning to get to her feet. "I'm sorry hun but I have to go, I told Bullfrog I'd meet him at the studio." She stopped, glancing at her watch and giggling. "Oh damn, that was an hour ago, I'm sure he's probably wondering where the hell I disappeared to with his morning coffee."

I nodded, also getting to my feet and following beside her as we both exited the Dot. Once outdoors we stood by the front entrance, forcing passers to walk around us in order to get inside. Cece gave me a tender smile, reaching up and stroking my cheek gently.

I smiled against her touch, "Thanks for everything."

"Anytime," She nodded, winking and turning to walk up the street. "Remember, only you know what to do," She called over her shoulder as her figure disappeared within the crowd.

Cece was right, I had blamed everyone else for my misfortune but looking back, there was only one reoccurring factor in all my shattered relationships...and that factor was me. I had pushed those I loved over the precipice and it was now up to me to be strong and pull them back to solid ground. I knew exactly what I had to do, and where I needed to start in order to make things right again.

**A/N: Hey guys, so I know there is a sever lack of Eli in this chapter but considering the severity of Eclare's last encounter I thought it better to give them some time apart. That being said, Eli will also be absent in Chapter 12 while Clare struggles to deal with her own demons; but come chapter 13 you can expect some juicy Eclare interaction! Until next time guys, thank you for any reviews but most importantly for taking the time to read this story!**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Making Amends

**A/N: I know you probably don't want to hear this but I have a legitimate excuse for leaving you all waiting. My computer crashed and I ended up losing this entire chapter, which you will find out is quite long. I still haven't been able to get it fixed so I have been working off of a memory stick to re-write it at the library or at work when I can; but then I ended up misplacing the original memory stick and was left to restart the same chapter all over again a second time. After that I just didn't have as must drive to work on this chapter so apologies if the quality is not as great as the others and seems a bit repetitive. I just wanted to get it to you guys as soon as I could so I can move on and get to the really good Eclare interactions that I have planned. And trust me it gets really good so you guys are going to want to stick around. I hope you guys like this chapter. Not my best but hopefully its still okay in your eyes. Thanks guys for sticking with me and following, reviewing and reading this story. Like I have said it is only still going because I know I have support out there so please if you can leave a review. Your words help me to update and give me inspiration to keep writing!**

After speaking with Cece, I bid an eager farewell to the Dot and caught the next streetcar toward Ally's house. Standing admits the crowded TTC tram, between and elderly couple and a homeless man who seemed to mumble mindlessly to himself, only negative thoughts seemed to cross my mind. I was sure Ally would snub me away the same way I had done to her. Worse off, was that I couldn't exactly get angry at her if she did choose to slam the door shut in my face the moment she saw me standing on her doorstep. After all I had treated her horribly in the past months, ignoring her and turning my nose up on countless occasions. I felt my mouth run dry, as I thought back to the times when Ally had tried to reach out to me; eagerly pleading with her eyes for us to end our idiotic feud. Stubborn as I was, I had disregarded every attempt until she had finally chosen to give up. Eventually Ally stopped trying to acknowledge me in the halls, in class, at lunch or in the change rooms after gym. We simply went about with our separate lives as though our once impenetrable duo had never existed. How easily I could have ended this war between us by just taking the time to listen to what she had to say. Instead I had chosen to block out the one supporting constant in my life, and look how well that ended up for me.

I noticed the familiar streets near Ally's home and pressed the alert button. The streetcar pulled to a shaky stop and I offered a quick thank you to the driver, while at the same time having to slip under the arm of preppy looking teenager leaning against the exit doors. He gave me a toothy grin as I made my way past him and I rolled my eyes at his impoliteness. The kid seemed to sense my annoyance, making a gesture to move seconds after I had already hopped off the bus. Once outside on the sidewalk I took a long and drawn out breath of relief, thankful to be out of that claustrophobic environment. The relaxed feeling only lasted a second before I remembered why I was here. I gnawed at my lip as I walked the maze of streets to Ally's home. My hands were trembling in a way they had never done before as I arrived on her stoop and cautiously reached up to ring the doorbell.

The smart thing to do would have been to phone before my arrival, instead of making such an unforeseen appearance at her front door. Unfortunately in the stress and confusion of Jake's confession and my storming out of the house, the last thing that crossed my mind was to grab my phone. I could hear the shuffling off feet on the other end of the doorway, and braced myself for the inevitable. When the door swung open, I gasped. Standing before me was not Ally, or any member of the Bandari family for that matter. Instead I was met with a familiar set of blue eyes and platinum blond hair. Of course, I should have known that Jenna needed a place to stay after her break up with KC! Who else who she turn to but Ally? Though I was startled to see her, Jenna appeared more fazed then me. She held the door open with surprised expression, her face falling in light of fear. She swallowed, shifting on her feet as though she had somehow expected our meeting, though apparently not so soon.

"Clare!" She began her voice tense. "...I-I thought you might show up here eventually."

I wanted to laugh at her ignorance; Jenna thought I was here to see her. A lowly girlfriend, come to thwart her boyfriend's new lover. She could not have been more wrong. I did not anticipate Jenna answering the door nor did I have any intention of enacting vengeance on her anytime soon. Cece had made me realise how little a person's bitterness brought them forward. I wasn't going to let my sour feelings for Jenna distract me from my true intentions. Before I could explain this, Jenna began to ramble.

"Okay just hear me out for a sec Clare, I don't know what Jake already told you but I didn't mean for this to happen, it just kind of...did. But it was completely unintended and I swear it's never going to happen again so you don't have to worry cause-

I raised a hand, making her stop short. The old Clare would have been more than willing to provide her with some punishment, but not today. Right now the only person that mattered was Ally.

"I'm not here to see you Jenna."

She gave me a confused look, "Y-you aren't? But what about New Years-

I clenched my fist at my sides, "I'm not happy with what happened between you and Jake. But you're sort of the last person on my mind at the moment."

She said nothing; apparently not buying it. I knew she was waiting for my sudden shrill screams of anger and with a sigh, I crossed my arms and continued, "Is Ally home?"

Jenna's face contorted. She glanced behind her, taking a step out of the house. "Yeah she is but why do you care?" she asked, pulling the door closed as she came near.

"I want to see her."

Jenna huffed, "I don't know about that."

I clenched my jaw in exasperation, "We need to talk..."

"I honestly don't think she'll want to talk to you. You really hurt her Clare-

Had the tables suddenly turned? In this crazy messed up scenario, Jenna was actually giving me a pep talk on how to be a good friend.

I sucked in a breath, attempting to remain composed. "I'm here for a reason Jenna, I need to at least try to explain myself to her."

"It's a little late for apologies don't you think?"

"Maybe it is, and maybe it isn't but that's doesn't change the fact that I'm not going anywhere till I speak to Ally. Please Jenna, the least you could do is tell her I'm here."

Jenna seemed to contemplate this for a moment, her expression shifting from judgement, to worry and finally a reluctant understanding. She opened the door again, stepping back into the house. "Just wait here, I'll let her know. Though I can't promise she'll want to come out."

"Alright." I answered, surprised to find myself smiling at her in thanks.

Jenna nodded, shutting the door behind her. I listened intently as she moved about the house and her muddled voice became accompanied by a second individual. Though I could not make out much, I immediately recognised Ally's icy tone, in argument with Jenna. After a few minutes the door swung back open and Jenna was nowhere in sight. Ally stood in the doorway, arms crossed and glaring coldly. She gave me a quick onceover, clicking her tongue before stepping out onto the porch. I stepped back, unsure what to do next.

When I didn't speak right away I could see her fingers tapping against her arm as though she were losing patience.

"What are you doing here?" She hissed, making me flinch against her tone. This was not the Ally I was used to and I had to conjure all my strength not to throw up my hands and give up right then and there.

"I-I wanted to talk." I stated, my eyes shifting uncomfortably. I gave her a pathetic smile, hoping for any sort of reassuring response but was only met with a blatant lack of reverence.

"So talk," Ally stated.

I rubbed the back of my neck, uncertain how to carry on with the conversation. "Can we go somewhere...more private?"

Ally seemed to consider this for a minute before walking past me and down her driveway. I knew she wanted me to follow her and with heavy feet, I made my way forward, making sure to remain a safe distance behind her at all times. We walked down a few blocks in silence till Ally turned a corner onto a dirt path leading to a small schoolyard. The park was quiet, besides the soft laughs of some kids playing aimlessly on a rusted old jungle jim. The swings were empty and Ally walked over, taking a seat on the wilted leather pad. The chains of the swing rattled in protest as she began to rock, staring at her feet as she pushed them into the gravel. I eventually took the swing beside her, unsure which one of us would speak first.

As we sat quietly, I let my eyes wander about the park taking in the jovial atmosphere around us. To my surprise, I found myself envying the playing children. In their carefree world of monkey bars and bubblegum there was no room for fighting. None of these children had yet been tainted by the likes of jealousy and bitterness or worse yet by love. They were all _just_ friends, it was as simple as that. My attention caught the sight of two young girls, not unlike Ally and me at that age. They were skipping on a hop scotch pad they had created out of some chalk, giggling happily with each other. I felt my heart clench inside my chest. I wanted to feel the same closeness with Ally; and if a couple of four year olds were smart enough to recognize the value of a good friend, then it was about time I did the as well.

"I'm sorry." I whispered aloud, holding my breath and waiting for Ally to respond. I leaned my forehead against the chain, staring at her hopingly. Her eyes widened for a split second and she shifted in her seat, mirroring my stature.

"What for?"

I would have thought my reasoning was obvious but Ally continued to stare at me for more explanation.

"Well for ignoring you, even if you did kiss Jake -"

It happened so quickly. Ally chuckled, shaking her head and pushing of the swing to walk away. I barely had time to comprehend why she had chosen to storm away. Completely confused, I jumped off and stumbled after her.

"Where are you going?" I called after her. "I'm trying to apologize to you and you just run off for no reason!"

Ally turned on me, eyes flaring, "You still don't get it Clare!"

She was right, I didn't get it. What had caused Ally's hostility to suddenly sky rocket in a matter of seconds?

She took a step toward me, eyes flaring. "Did you ever once stop to consider that there was a reason I kissed Jake that night?"

I crossed my arms mockingly, "What possible excuse is there for kissing my boyfriend?"

"I'm not trying to make excuses for myself Clare. What I did was completely stupid, but I was upset that night and after being completely snubbed by my best friend and cheated on by my boyfriend, Jake was the only person who actually made the effort to listen to me..."

_Snubbed by her best friend? Cheated on by Dave? _What was Ally talking about?

"And the worst part is that you never even allowed me to explain. You just wrote me off and forgave Jake without a second thought. Do you know how it felt to be treated like a piece of garbage? Like I wasn't even worth your time?"

My mind continued to whirl around Ally's words. "Dave cheated on you?" I whispered, unable to imagine _Dave_, the boy who had since freshman year attempted to get Ally's attention would do something as idiotic as cheat on her within the first year of their relationship.

She sighed, "Yes Dave cheated on me and when I tried to tell you how we were having issues you acted like I was being childish."

I thought back to my mother's wedding, and how Ally had been worried Dave was acting distant since she had gotten back from science camp. Ally was always one for dramatics, how could I have anticipated her worries to prove legitimate? "Ally I didn't realize-

"Of course you didn't! Because all you care about is yourself. You told me you had bigger problems, remember that? I think 'pedestrian drama' were your exact words. I was with you through thick and thin Clare; first with Eli and then with Jake and then you just put your relationship ahead of our friendship like it was nothing. Was it so hard for you to take five minutes and listen to me for once!"

I swallowed, the two of us staring grievingly at one another. Ally gasped deeply, catching her breath and it was at that moment when I noticed the glisten of tears beginning to emerge at the brim of her eyes.

"I just needed my best friend to hear me and you couldn't even do that..."

I felt as my own tears began to emerge, wiping them away with the back of my hand. It was the second time I had cried that day only this time the tears were not for me. Ally was hurting with a greater pain then I could ever imagine and I had not even bothered to help her. All this time I had assumed she was the one who had caused our falling out but in reality I had been the selfish one. Ally's kiss with Jake was a mere blemish on her otherwise prefect friendship slate. What I had done to her was far worse. I had taken away Ally's ability to confide in me...I had stripped away our bond of trust...I had silenced her by calling my problems more important than hers. Ally had kissed Jake because she was hurt, the same way I had been enticed to kiss Eli in the woods. I could not continue to ridicule her for acting on the basic human instinct to find comfort in another human being.

Inhaling, I reached out taking Ally's hand. She pulled away slightly but I kept my grip firm, squeezing tightly. It was time I took responsibility for my actions; starting with the ways I had wronged Ally. "Your right," I began. "I should have just listened to you from the beginning. Of course your problems aren't pedestrian! I don't know how I could have said that. You have always been the best friend anyone could ask for and when you needed me the most I wasn't there; I let you down." I looked down at my feet, and back at her with trembling lips. "I made a mistake. But after all the years we've been friends, I'm asking for a second chance Ally…please."

I could feel Ally's hand shaking in my grip. I knew her thoughts had to be as tumultuous as mine were. While I prayed that Cece was right and that Ally was as much open to reconciling our friendship as I was; Ally was deciding whether or not she could count on me again.

Just when I felt like I might combust after holding my breath for too long, I felt the piercing release as Ally pulled her hand out of mine. For a moment I stood frozen, feeling my heart fall in my chest. So Ally had made her decision, she no longer wanted to be my friend. I knew I should have expected this, but inwardly I was breaking inside. I only hoped that I could hold it together, till I was alone and could grieve in private. I waited for Ally to turn and walk away but she remained where she stood, looking up at me with puffy and tear stained eyes.

"Okay." She spoke quietly.

"W-what?" I stuttered.

Ally continued to stare at me, giving me a lightened expression. "Do I have to spell it out for you Clare, I said okay...I forgive you."

I let out a noise somewhere between a sob and a laugh, "Are you serious?"

She straightened, staring me down. "But on one condition!"

I nodded, biting back a smile, "Anything."

"You have to promise to be intent in our friendship, no more of this one sided business."

I placed a hand to my heart "I'll never let you down again Bandari...through thick and thin I promise."

Ally nodded her head, grinning, "You listened Clare, really listened to me. That's all I wanted you to do."

I smiled widely, "So does this mean we're best friends again?

Ally grinned, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I never liked confrontation much anyway," she shrugged.

I couldn't help myself, lunging forward I engulfed Ally in tight embrace. She giggled, hugging me back. In that moment I felt my world begins to balance again, Ally and I were friends once more. We would forever be each other's constant, and from this moment I would give her nothing short of my unwavering support.

….

I spent the afternoon on the swings with Ally, as she filled me in on all the events I had missed since our fight. As I listened, I felt horrible for placing so much weight on my issues with Jake and Eli, when Ally had clearly gone through some painful transitions of her own.

So let me get this straight, Dave cheated on you and then the girl he cheated with got hit by a car?"

"Jacinta." Ally corrected, "He blamed himself and after that he just started acting withdrawn."

"But that can't be the only reason for your break up?"

Ally coughed, staring at her feet and then back to me with a guilty expression, "Well when things started getting better between us, we might have gotten a bit carried away with the whole make up part."

I raised an eyebrow at Ally and she blushed continuing, "Long story short, we weren't as safe as we should have been-."

My eyes widened, "Ally did you get pregnant?" I would hate to think of Ally going through such a drastic event in life and not having her best friend to support her through it.

"No, but we had a pretty eye opening scare. I realised if I wanted to graduate early and work at the MIT lab, I needed to put school ahead of my relationship. Dave just didn't understand that."

"So he broke up with you?"

Ally nodded, "I couldn't be the girlfriend he wanted and the girl I wanted to be all at the same time."

"Yet Dallas understands?" I asked slightly weary. I just couldn't process Ally ever finding anything in common with a puck head. The ice hounds weren't exactly the most polite students since they arrived at Degrassi and from what I heard around the school, their captain was the definition of the big headed jock.

Ally smirked, "I know what you're thinking but there really is a lot more to Mike then people expect. She paused, piercing her lips as if to hold back a giddy laugh, "He's sweet and caring and he actually helped me a lot when I had my breakdown."

I immediately perked up at her words, giving Ally a terrified expression, "B-breakdown?"

She let out a small chuckle, reaching over and patting my arm. "It's okay Clare…I'm better now."

"But you had a break down Ally and I didn't know! I should have been there." I clenched my jaw, hating myself for being so ignorant of everything Ally had been through over the past months. "No one should ever go through something like that alone."

"I wasn't alone Clare. Like I said I had Mike."

I gave Ally a concerned look, still unable to comprehend what she has just told me.

"I was overwhelming myself. I took on a whole two years of schoolwork and was trying to finish it all in one semester. I stopped sleeping just to keep myself caught up and on top of that I started taking pep pills to stay awake."

"Oh no Ally-"

"Mike sort of brought me back to reality. He kept trying to warn me about how messed up drugs could make a person and how he had been through the same struggles with hockey but I didn't listen. Well not until I drove my dad's SUV into a tree…"

My eyes widened in panic, "What?"

"Mike and I were on our way to a Jay-Z concert and I fell asleep at the wheel. I guess all the stress and exhaustion just came flooding in and I crashed."

"What did your parents say?"

"I was so scared that after finally gaining their trust back, they would go completely nuts and immediately jump the gun, but Mike convinced me to be honest with them. Surprisingly, my dad really did understand. In fact he blamed himself for putting too much pressure on me. We came to the decision that graduating early maybe wasn't the right thing after all.""

"So what about MIT?"

"I guess the research lab will just have to wait for another year till I get the chance to graduate with my friends. They'll be other opportunities right?"

I smiled, happy that when Ally and I finally did take the graduation stage and accepted our diplomas; we would be doing it the right way…together.

"But enough about me-" Ally announced, interrupting my thoughts. "What has been going on in the world of Clare Edwards since my absence?"

I bit the inside of my cheek, unsure if I should recount everything that had happened since the night at the cabin with Ally. Immediately my apprehension was lifted as I noticed the humorous expression on her face, "Its okay Clare, just because I asked you to listen more doesn't mean I can't do the same for you. I'm your best friend which means still I want to know everything that's going on in your life."

I let out a small laugh, giving Ally a gracious smile. I really was lucky to have her as a friend, and I made an oath to myself to never forget that. Same as I had earlier that day, I took another breath and retold my story like I had done with Cece, starting from the beginning and leaving nothing out.

…

"Umm, wow." Ally stated, lost for words.

"Wow is right." I answered, rubbing my forehead stressfully.

"So after all that you finally realised that you're still in love with Eli?"

I dropped my face in my hands, shaking my head. "Hopelessly." I groaned and then suddenly my mind perked up at something Ally had said. "Wait what do you mean by 'finally.'"

"Oh come on Clare, since you two broke up it's been nothing but this back and forth thing. First Eli with his play, and then those stares between you two…like you're the only people in the room. Oh and don't think I forgot about how affected you were after he said his monologue during love roulette. You've always been hung up on each other."

"Maybe your right, maybe this entire time Eli and I have been fooling ourselves into thinking we've moved on."

"Have you talked to him at all since New Years?"

I looked up disappointedly, "He won't answer any of my calls and I already left four voicemails on his phone."

Ally gave a tender sigh, analyzing the situation, "What about Jake?"

"I can forgive Jake for cheating, but that doesn't make me forget the fact that I don't feel the same way about him anymore."

"So you're going to end it then?"

"I have to." I whispered, looking over to Ally with a saddened expression, "I can't keep expecting that Jake and I can still be the ideal couple I thought we were."

"But you think you and Eli can be?"

I let out a small laugh, "I wouldn't use the word ideal in the same context as mine and Eli's relationship."

"I don't understand, I thought you wanted to be with Eli."

How could I explain my dysfunction of feelings for the raven haired boy who had brought me nothing but turmoil since we met? I picked up my feet from the gravel, beginning to rock on the swing and allowing my hair swaying behind her in the breeze, "I've never met anyone who can crawl under my skin the way Eli can. He makes me want to scream, jump off a cliff and pull my hair out all at once." I glanced at Ally who seemed to cringe at my morbid reference. "But on top of all that he makes me feel more alive than I've ever felt. When I'm with him I can't imagine being anywhere else because he reminds me of who I really am but also everything I can be. I suppose we're a perfect imperfection…and when I try to process the thought of him not being in my life again, it just hurts too much to think about."

I looked over at Ally, watching as she attempted to process my words. "Does that make sense?"

"Not really." She answered honestly. "But I think the only people who can really understand what you two have are you and Eli. I will tell you one thing though, you can't move on from something if you've never really been apart from it." She paused, giving me a grave look, "If Eli really is as happy with Imogen as he says he is, then maybe you just have to learn to accept that Clare. After all, do you really want to be the same person to Imogen as Jenna has been to you?

I cringed. I never wanted to hurt anyone the way Jenna had continuously done to me. But did that mean I also had to sacrifice my own happiness in exchange for Imogen's and Eli's? "So you think I should move on?"

"I can't tell you what to do Clare, only you can do that."

Ally response was nothing different from what Cece had already told me. I couldn't keep expecting others to provide me with answer. Ultimately, when the time came, I would have to choose exactly what the right thing was. Not just for myself but for Eli as well.

...

The day had passed quickly and by the time I returned home from Ally's house it was nearly dark out. As I entered the house I was grateful not to find my mother or Glen in the main living area. Though I had every intention of speaking to my mother that night, there was someone else I needed to speak to first. I tiptoed up the stairs and past our parents' bedroom to the end of the hall where Jake bedroom was located. I stopped in front of his door, and knocked.

"I'm really not in the mood right now dad." Though I had been fuming at Jake only a few short hours ago, I couldn't help but I feel a twinge of sympathy as I noticed the distraught tone in his voice.

"It's me," I answered. There was a moment of silence, and then I heard Jake roll out of bed and dart for the door. It was yanked open so fast I nearly fell back in surprise. Jake stood in the doorway, breathing heavily. "Hi..."

_Jake Martin, a man of few words._

"Can I come in?" I asked.

"Yeah yeah of course!" Jake nodded, stepping to the side.

I walked past him and took a seat on his bed. Jake closed the door, and turned toward me unsure what to do.

For nearly four months there had been tension between Jake and me, so you'd think I'd be used to the discomfort by this point. Yet the level of awkwardness between us now was insurmountable. I didn't want this to be the way the two of us continued to interact. Jake and I had once been so close. And despite our disagreements, I still felt like maybe there was a way to salvage that closeness. Just because I didn't love Jake, didn't mean that we couldn't somehow still build a stronger (mind you much different connection) from our past.

I looked up, catching Jake biting his nails nervously. He noticed me watching him and placed his hands to his sides embarrassed. I examined the way he continued to move on the balls of his feet, staring down at me in silence. It was then I knew that I would have to be the first one to take initiative in this conversation. I could clearly see Jake hurting. I knew there were still feelings fostering inside him; words that were at the brim of his throat, that he simply could not find the strength to say. I had told myself already that if I wanted to do right by the people close to me then I needed to somehow pull them back to solid ground. Just because Jake had cheated, did not eliminate him from that vow. I needed to help Jake find a way to let go of what we were; in light of what our future might be. While at the same time, I had to toss aside my own resentment for what he had done.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here when our parents got home," I told him. The apology wasn't just a ploy to spur his interaction, I really was sorry for leaving Jake to face the confrontation alone. I had been the once who had caused the rift not only with my mother but also between Jake and Glen. In all fairness I should have been home to deal with the backlash. "Were they still angry?"

Jake's tenseness lightened a pang and he smiled small, "Nah they were alright. Your mom just seemed sort of quiet I guess." He paused, giving me a solemn look. "But there is one thing...

I furrowed my eyebrows at his hesitancy. "What?"

"My dad agreed to talk to us about our relationship. He said he had some time to think things over at the cabin and told me it was unfair to just expect you and me to end things when they got married. He's willing to hear us out if being together is what we really want-"

I was taken aback by what Jake had just told me. In any other situation this would have been good news; but now all I could think about was how I was going to break the news to Jake about my feelings for Eli.

"What did you say to him?" I asked.

"The truth; that I wasn't sure there was even a 'relationship' to discuss anymore."

If I had any chance to make things right with Jake, now was the time. He had given me the perfect opportunity to speak openly about where we stood as a couple. I reached out patting the place beside me on the bed. Begrudgingly he walked over and sat down. I turned on the bed to face him, and tilted my head to his lowered expression.

"I think we both know the answer to that Jake."

He shook his head, edging closer to me on the mattress. "Clare what I did was wrong but we have don't have to end what we have. Remember what you said…we're Jake and Clare, if anyone can make it through this we can!"

I placed a hand on Jakes knee, conferring a silent message between us. He looked down at my hand and back up with a wrecked expression. "There's really no way to change your decision is there?" he asked with nothing more than a tired whisper.

I shook my head, "No I don't think there is."

He stood suddenly with a huff of frustration. I watched as he began to pace. "Clare can't you just forget about our stupid argument and what happened with Jenna?"

"Something like that isn't easy to forget Jake."

"I can do better."

I ran a hand through my hair, "You're not the only person at fault here. I've been making our relationship secondary to a lot of things in my life and to a lot of people." I paused, "There's no honesty between us Jake and I think that's where we went wrong the most."

"What do you mean?" Jake asked, crossing his arms and staring down at me.

"I have a confession to make also." I looked back up at him, biting my lip. "You weren't the only one who had a digression on New Years. That same night I kissed Eli."

The small patch of skin between Jakes brows narrowed as he took in my words. A shadow of hurt flashed across his face and then in an instant was replaced by an ease of unnatural calmness. What he said next surprised me.

"So we're even."

I narrowed my eyes in confusion, "Excuse me?"

"You kissed Eli. Okay…whatever I forgive you." He took a step closer, kneeling down in front of me, "I forgive you Clare. So if you can just find it inside you to forgive me for sleeping with Jenna we can put all this behind us and start fresh. Just you and me."

"Jake no-

Jake's lips crushed against mine. In the past hours he had a habit of catching me off guard. He placed a hand to my cheek, attempting to pull me close to him. The pressure was rough and uncomfortable making me groan against his mouth in protest. Angrily I pulled away, and pushed Jake off with both of my hands. I frowned wiping my mouth clean and looked up catching Jake expression. He had his head down shamefully, his hand over his mouth, unable to look me in the eye.

"You can't just think that kissing me will make everything right again! It didn't work last time and it won't work now!"

"I know I'm sorry…" he answered, almost inaudibly.

I sighed, allowing the heat relishing inside me to cool down. "Look at me."

When he didn't respond I stood, closing the distance between us. "Jake look at me."

He relented, bringing his head up and gazing at me with doleful eyes.

"Is this what you really want to have, a relationship filled with dishonesty and betrayal?"

"You know I don't want that-

" I don't want things to end badly between us either. I want us to still have a relationship, a close one even."

"How can we do that if we aren't together?"

I sucked in a breath, taking a drastic leap of faith. "I want to be your friend Jake."

"Friend?" Jake spat mockingly. "I have Mo and Drew for that Clare."

"I don't mean just another drinking buddy. I mean a person you can tell everything too, a person you can come to when you need help a person you can actually rely on and trust. I want to be that person."

"Clare I don't know if I can handle that."

I breathed. "You and I haven't been right together for a while now. We've been trying to hold onto whatever _this_ is." I began gesturing between us, "But whatever _this_ is, isn't a healthy relationship. Not just because you cheated, but because you were tempted to cheat. Because neither of us has nor can dedicate ourselves wholeheartedly to the other." I paused, reaching up and placing a hand on Jakes' shoulder. "We aren't in love with each other Jake…not really. I think deep down you know that."

He reached over, taking my hand and bringing it down to his chest. "But you love Eli?"

I nodded dimly. "I do and I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. Like I said, maybe this whole mess could have been avoided if we had both just been honest from the start."

"Maybe…" Jake whispered.

He released my hand, with a sigh glancing out the window. I stared at him in confusion; it seemed as though Jake was still keeping something from me. Not out of malicious intent but instead through out of sheer sadness.

"I knew the moment you said his name." He finally admitted after a few hushed moments.

My eyes widened. "Who's name?" I asked, completely unaware of what Jake meant. Reaching over I took his arm, making him face me. "Jake what are you talking about?"

"Eli's name." "He whispered. "On night we came back from the cabin you fell asleep and..." He paused, rubbing his forehead.

"And what?" I urged, feeling my stomach begin to twist. "Jake!"

"You started to sleep talk Clare."

I sucked in a breath, feeling my insides twist with frightening realization. I had always had a history of sleep talking since I was a child. In fact when Darcy and I used to share bedrooms, it was the easiest way for her to learn my inner most secrets. My problem was that I had a much too blatant awareness of myself while dreaming. An awareness that was more honest and true to my feelings then when I was awake.

"What exactly did I say?"

"Eli and I found it really amusing at first; apparently you have a deep rooted fear of getting swallowed by a giant mutant frog."

I cringed; thinking about an instance where Darcy had caught a bull frog near our dock in Georgian. That same night she had placed the frog under my covers after I had fallen asleep resulting in me waking up with a green, slimy and croaking creature on my forehead. I had never screamed so loud in my life. I guess the trauma of that night stuck with me.

I blushed, and Jake continued, "Then you startled mumbling about other stuff; stuff we couldn't quite make out at first until you rolled over and leaned your head on Eli's shoulder. That's when you said it, just the one word...'Eli'."

I swallowed, feeling my heart beat even stronger with yearning for Eli. Even then I knew, _even when I technically didn't know._ "W-what did you do? What did Eli say?"

I think we were in shock; in fact I tried to convince myself that I misheard what you said. Only then you groaned and said his name again, louder and clearer and there was no denying it. Eli felt pretty horrible, he said it was just sleep talking and meant nothing but both he and I knew better."

"Jake I'm sorry." I said guiltily.

Jake laughed softly, "For what? You couldn't help it, you loved him and I didn't want to see it." He paused, and I could see his walls crumbling. "You're the first girl I've ever really cared about Clare. I guess I just didn't know how to let you go."

I smirked, "I think we lasted this long because we were scared to move on. But we shouldn't have to be scared anymore right? Not when there is so much more to look forward to right?"

"I guess," Jake spoke with a tired acceptance.

"If you're worried about losing me as a girlfriend, don't think of it like that; instead think of this as gaining a stronger friendship. Or a sibling if you count the fact that our parents are still married."

Jake winced, his face distorting in disgust.

"Was that too soon?"

"Way waaay too soon Clare!" He smiled, holding a hand out for me to shake. "But maybe we can try this friend thing."

I smiled wide, taking Jakes hand. The moment our palms touched he yanked me into a hug, wrapping his long arms around my body. "Good friends can still hug right?" Jake asked innocently.

Or relationship was slowly on the mend. In the end Jake and I knew that having any bond with the other person was better than not having that person in our life at all. In some ways I felt like this was a new chapter in the Martin-Edwards clan, even if Jake wasn't quite ready to admit it yet. I chuckled hugging him back tight around the torso and rested my cheek against his chest in content. "Yeah friends can hug."

…

I watched as Glen and Jake packed up to leave, but not before Glen patted me on the shoulder and dawned me with a kind, "Good luck kid," and Jake gave me an encouraging smile. I was thankful that they had both agreed to leave the house for a few hours while my mother and I talked everything over. Both men raided the kitchen, grabbing snacks they had planned to take to the movie with them. Glen was a huge advent against the ridiculous confectionary prices at theatres so sneaking in his own food in seemed to be the most appropriate route. After stuffing the last soda from the fridge in Jake's pocket they wobbled out the front door and took off down the street with the truck. I sighed, shutting the door behind them and climbed up the flight of stairs to my mother's bedroom. Glen had made my job somewhat easier by leaving the door open. That way I didn't have to worry about knocking and potentially being ignored on the other side. I tiptoed into the room finding my mother sitting in the bed, reading through a national geographic magazine. I froze in the doorway, clearing my throat to get her attention.

She continued reading and I dared to take another step into the room. "Hey mom?"

Silence.

I clenched my jaw, walking to the foot of the bed and sitting down, attempting to stare through the pages of the magazine and decipher what she was thinking. "Can we talk?" I asked my tone strict.

She kept the magazine raised, "I don't feel like talking at the moment Clare."

"You had a week to ignore me mom, what are you going to do? Keep doing this for the rest of my life?"

Silence.

I groaned, reaching over and ripping the magazine out of her hands. My mom stared at me, her eyes wide in shock. "Clare what do you think you are doing?" She asked firmly.

"We need to talk about this. Not just what happened the other night but about everything that's been going on between us since you and Glen got married."

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about Clare."

"That's exactly the problem mom. That even after five months of me practically falling apart in front of your eyes, you still don't see what's wrong."

My mother pursed her lips, straightening her posture against the headboard and staring me down.

"So what you're saying is that I'm a bad mother for being happy?"

"Gurrrg, no! I want you to be happy, I like Glen and I'm glad he and Jake are part of our family but in the process of finding your own happiness; it's like you tossed me in a dank corner. I felt like I was being replaced first by Dad and now by you."

"That's absolutely ridiculous Clare!" She sat up, shaking her head.

"Is it? Can you tell me just one thing about my life that's happened in the past months and that you know of?"

My mom swallowed, speechless. I finally had her starting to listen to me.

"You haven't taken any interest in me since your marriage! Not only that, but I was also dating Jake all this time and you had no idea. It was wrong of us to sneak around but we were right under your nose and you never saw the truth, not once. It's like you didn't care to know, I could be lighting myself on fire right now and everything would still continue to be right in your world."

My mother's lip began to quiver, tears filling her eyes. Immediately I felt my stomach sink, I hated being the cause of her tears. Maybe I had been too harsh. Only then I remembered what Cece had told me about being honest even when it hurt the most. "Mom please don't cry-

She crossed her legs on the bed, leaning close to me. "I-I never realised how much the wedding transitions were affecting you."

"You didn't bother asking me how I felt about the marriage mom. You just assumed Jake and I would break up and we'd all just be this big happy family." I paused, picking at a loose thread in the sheets. "It was unfair."

She reached out, rubbing my arms soothingly. "You have to understand Clare that after the wedding I hoped that we would gain the stability you and I lost when your father left. And with Darcy gone, I thought Jake would have helped you fill that void as a sibling. When Glen and I found out you two were dating, that idea just turned to ash. The whole dynamic in our mind came tumbling down. We asked you two to end things then because we were attempting to save you both the stress of living together after a break up and our family suffering in the aftermath. A lot can happen at this age Clare, you may think you love one person only to realise they aren't the person you thought they were when you met."

I sucked in a breath, now seeing exactly where my other had been coming from when she had originally forced Jake and me to break up. If I had been in her shoes, with two rebellious teenagers on my hands I can't say I would have acted much different.

"We just wanted to save the two of you heartbreak down the road."

"But you should have just explained that to us instead of demanding we stay away from each other the way you did."

"We went about it the wrong way. Glen and I understand that now."

I gave her a gentle smile, "I know you were trying to do what was best for us. But Jake and I sort of felt compelled to do the opposite. We didn't have time to decide whether breaking up was the right thing for us and instead, being told we couldn't be together made us think we wanted to be together more."

"So what you're saying is that we should have used reverse psychology on you two?" My mother chuckled.

I shook my head, "No I'm saying you should have trusted Jake and me to make the decision on our own, no matter how risky it might have been."

She nodded, "Your right we should have. You both are more than capable to decide what you want." She placed a hand on my cheek. "And I'm sorry, not just for the way Glen and I handled the situation between you and Jake but also for not being as aware as I should have been. I never want you to feel like I don't care about you Clare. You're my daughter, there's no one I love more than my children."

I smiled, "Well I should have just spoken to you about all this, instead of dropping such a huge load right before leaving for the cabin. That was wrong of me."

"But I'm happy you did tell me, even if it wasn't how either of us anticipated. I suppose Glen and I will just have to get used to the idea of you two dating."

I looked down, feeling my cheeks heat up, "Well I might make that task a bit easier for you."

My mother gave me a confused look and I sucked in a breath, explaining, "Jake and I sort of broke up."

Her eyes widened with worry, "I hope this isn't because of the argument we had before the trip."

I shook my head, "No no! Jake and I were having issues long before that-

"Issues?" she asked, "What sort of issues?"

"A lot of it had to do with dishonesty, and well…our feelings for other people."

My mother perked up as if remembering something, "The blond girl at the mall?"

"Jenna." I told her, "Jake cheated with her."

"I never did like that Jenna." She muttered. Since the divorce with my dad, my mother has had a particular low tolerance for adulterers in any relationship. I couldn't allow Jake's reputation to be sullied in her eyes; I needed to confess my own wrongs doings.

"But there is something else."

She furrowed her eyebrows but waited patiently for me to continue.

"I kissed Eli." I winced.

My mother tensed and it felt as though the entire room suddenly went frigid. Her hand fell from my cheek and I could tell she was attempting to keep quiet and composed as she weighed her response. I could have sworn I noticed the skin by her lip twitching slightly.

"On what grounds did you and Jake end things?" she asked, avoiding the subject of Eli (at least for the moment).

"It ended well; we both agreed that being friends is the best option for us."

She nodded. More silence. This was killing me.

"Mom?"

"Hmmm?

"Aren't you going to say something?

"About what sweetheart?"

I rolled my eyes. "We've been through this mom, you know me...you know I can take care of myself. No more shutting me out."

Her mood softened and she breathed tiredly, "I do know you babe, I just don't know that boy."

I felt my guard rise in defence for Eli, "That boy's name is Eli, and he isn't some monster lurking under my bed. He's just someone who made mistakes and got help for it. You of all people should know what it means to forgive."

Her features softened, "When it comes to my daughter, forgiveness can be a bit more difficult."

"Mom Eli was the one who has been pushing me to talk to you. He helped me find my voice; not just with you but with a lot of other people I had been pushing away. You might be surprised to hear this but I probably would be in a lot worse place if it weren't for him."

She seemed to take my words into consideration, letting out a sigh of defeat. "I suppose I have been a bit judgmental." She paused; rubbing her forehead as if she were trying hard not to immediately regret her decision. "If you really do have feelings for Eli, I think I should at least give him a second chance. Invite him over for dinner this weekend; we'll see how it all goes."

I swallowed, letting out a nervous laugh, "Well umm...you see that's where things might get a bit complicated-"

"Clare?" My mother asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Eli has a girlfriend!" I blurted out in a rush, finding that loose thread again and avoiding eye contact.

"Clare bear!" My mother groaned, "I thought I taught you better than that."

I looked up, with fallen features, "Mom I love him." I admitted.

Her eyes widened. I had never openly expressed my feeling for any boy to my mother and she did little to hide the shock clearly fostering inside her. It was like all the stages of grief were flashing across her face at once. Her features twisted in Denial, Anger, Depression and finally Acceptance. It took a few seconds but she finally shook her head; regaining her senses and took a step back into parental mode. "No matter your feelings Clare, that still doesn't make what you did right."

"I know." I whispered.

"So what do you plan to do?"

"That I don't know." I answered honestly, "But whatever decision I do decide to make, can you trust that I will make the right one?"

I gazed at my mother hopingly and she smiled softly, reaching out and pulling me against her chest. I felt like a little girl again, when she used to rock me back and forth in her lap singing gently till I would fall asleep. In those moments I was completely safe and protected. Even now, I hadn't realised how much I needed my mother's touch as source of comfort. She held me close, stroking my hair and leaned her lips close to my ear to whisper.

"I trust you Clare."

It was all I needed to hear.

….

I lay in bed, under the cover of complete darkness with my cell in hand. The screen reflected that I was in the midst of messaging one Eli Goldsworthy yet the blank text continued to await any form of written regard. How was it possible for me to sum up everything I felt within the context of a single text? I had made a drastic decision after my many conversations that day. I had come to the conclusion that I was in love with Eli. I had been in love with him from the moment he ran over my glasses and told me I had pretty eyes. I wanted to be with him more than anything, but perhaps what I wanted wasn't exactly what was best for either of us. Eli had been happy with Imogen, he had been content with her and I allowed my own selfishness to tear that comfort from him. During the car ride home from the cabin he had heard me say his name aloud in my sleep, yet he hadn't mentioned anything about it to me. Clearly Eli didn't think us being together was a good idea and I had to respect that. We had both hurt the other in unimaginable ways, and while Cece had told me that pain was a natural step in any relationship I just couldn't fathom putting Eli through such a thing. He deserved to have a real chance at happiness; which meant I needed to be strong and take myself out of the equation no matter how hard or painful it might be. Whatever happened after as a result of my actions would be an act of the fates.

I sucked in a breath, a single tear cascaded down my cheek as I began to type.

"_Eli…I'm sorry. Not just for the kiss but for everything. You should be happy and if Imogen makes you happy then I understand why you want to be with her. I just hope what I've done hasn't ruined what you two have. Please know that I never meant for things to end up this way nor did I ever want to hurt you. You know I used to compare us to Romeo and Juliet. Now that I look back I realise what a ridiculous comparison that is to make. I refuse to think of us a tragic tale of romance gone wrong, we're not a fairy tale and I can see that now. We're just two kids who made some really dumb decisions and fell for each other along the way. But I will always care about you Eli…and it's because I care too much that I have to let you go. So I promise I will leave you alone and won't bother you again after this text. I just want you to have all that you deserve. Bye partner."_

I closed my eyes, taking a breath and sent the message. Afterwards It only took the click of a button and a deleted contact and then just like that Eli was gone.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Here's the next chapter guys! I hope you like it, and I'll do my best to get the next one to you as soon as possible, but trust me its going to get really good so your going to want to stick around! Thanks guys for all the support and for those of you who have taken the time to favourite, follow and review. It inspires me to keep going no matter what! And if you guys have time to, please leave a review and let me know what you think so far, I'd appreciate it so much! Thanks again guys and enjoy:)**

Chapter 13: The Wrong Place at the Wrong Time

"...What do you think Clare? Clare? Youhoo! Okay that's it!"

_THWACK! _

"Ouch!" I flinched, blinking and looking over to see Hannah grinning madly. I placed a hand on the sore spot where she had just nabbed me and stared at her in disbelief. "Did you just hit me with a book?" I asked, feeling the firm bump on my scalp already beginning to surface, and frowning. I looked around, realising we were still sitting in Mrs. Dawes's AP English class and lowered my tone. "That was a hard cover Hannah!"

Hanna let out and aggravated sigh, pushing Mary Shelly's Frankenstein in my face. "Someone needs to knock some sense into you. You see this! Are you forgetting that we are supposed to have a five page essay written on the major themes of Frankenstein by the end of this week? Themes we should be discussing right now in class; only while I do all the work you sit there ogling at Eli!"

"Shhh!" I blushed, taking the book from her and placing it on the desk. "I was not ogling." I said, glancing at Eli who sat at the other end of the classroom, joking around with Adam. It didn't seem like he had heard and I allowed my nerves to calm with relief.

"Be in denial mode all you want Clare; just don't let it affect our grade. It's bad enough we had to switch partners so close to the end of the semester."

Though Hannah and I were close, I knew she would have preferred to finish her partnership with Adam. He was her boyfriend after all, and the two were practically joined at the hip since their first date at the Dot. It had taken some major grovelling on my part to convince Hannah to switch. Not to mention a few pressing phone calls from my mother in order to get Mrs. Dawes to bend on her no trading partner's policy. Despite all the effort, I felt like the change was the best thing to do, considering everything that had gone down between me and Eli in the past months.

I gave Hannah a guilty smile, "Sorry." I told her, picking up Frankenstein and beginning to aimlessly flip through the pages. "I'm all ears, eyes and whatever else you may need for this assignment. So where were we?"

Hannah crossed her arms unconvinced, "I was saying we need to focus on the major themes. Right now I've narrowed them down to Man vs. Self and Man vs. Man? What do you think?"

"Man vs. self definitely."

Hannah waited for me to continue.

"Well Frankenstein created this monster who, he believed to be an atrocity of nature, yet he couldn't see the good in the creature. He is overrun by guilt for not only testing God but also for subjecting the rest of humanity and the people close to him to his creation. While the creature in itself is a representation of Frankenstein; both his flaws and the good he had once possessed. Both individuals, who had once yearned only for acceptance and love eventually succumb to their hatred for each other and destroy the other in more ways than one."

Hannah shook her head, pen still frozen in her hand, "How did you just come up with all of that so easy? Last night I was reading for hours and nothing!"

I laughed, "I have some experience with the whole battling inner demons thing."

"You mean with Eli."

"Is it that obvious?"

"Blatantly obvious." Hannah bit the tip of her pen with a smile. I could tell her mood was beginning to soften. She was always one for gossip and it was hard for her to pass up a juicy conversation even with an A+ grade on the line. "Don't be embarrassed, we've all been there girlfriend. Playing hard to get might help your case just a bit though."

I rolled my eyes, "I'm not playing on anything Hannah, trust me. The last thing I want is to end up like Victor Frankenstein and have my past come back to haunt me. I told Eli I was done and he's made it pretty clear he was done as well. We're moving on and there's nothing more to it."

I was surprised by how easy the lie could pass though my lips. We were a week back into classes since Christmas vacation and my feelings for Eli had not withered in the slightest. We still had not spoken, nor did we ever plan to again; not even to discuss the partner trade. I had asked Adam to speak to Eli instead which of course Eli did not object to. Yet despite the fact that we were no longer English partners, did not mean Eli and I were exempt from seeing the other person all together. We were in the same English class, and going to the same school which meant avoidance was pretty much futile. I still felt the excruciating energy buzzing through my nerves each time Eli's eyes would accidently catch mine in class. We did our best to avoid such forms of mental contact, keeping our heads down when sensing the other person was near by in the halls. Yet it seemed as though the fates were somehow playing a game with our emotions by finding ways to push us together whenever possible. The hardest moment was seeing Eli back together with Imogen on the first day of classes.

...

Last Monday

I was sitting on the front steps of the school with Ally as we waited for Mike Dallas to arrive. For the past week Ally had been dyeing to properly introduce us, but Dallas's extra hockey practices had made it difficult for him to find the time to socialize with anyone besides his team. So we decided to meet ahead of class, before game season really started to kick off. Ally was painting her nails a bright orange which contrasted the dreary winter weather that seemed to loom over the city of Toronto with a benevolent purpose. I remember wondering how she managed to keep the brush so firm in her bare hands, while my gloved fingers trembled madly from the cold when Eli pulled into the parking lot in his Dad's black Chevy SUV. I hadn't noticed right away till I heard Ally let out a nervous and high pitched noise, somewhere between a yelp and gasp. Her eyes fell behind me and widened, and she reached out grabbing my arm with wet nails; no doubt staining my new winter jacket.

"You know, now that I think about it, Mike said something about meeting us in the caf. We should probably go check if he's already here."

"Wouldn't he have had to pass us to get into the school?" I asked baffled.

"Yeah but I'm really hungry, and it's flipping cold out here so let's just go inside okay?"

I pulled out of her grasp, chuckling, "Ally what the heck has gotten into you, your acting really weird."

"It's the hunger pains!" She paused, glancing behind me before grabbing my backpack and forcibly dragging us toward the door, "So let's just go inside okay-

"Ehh hem!" I heard a familiar voice clear her throat making Ally and I halt, and everything inside me go frigid. I breathed and turned slowly. Immediately I came into contact with Imogen's narrowed slits. She tilted her head, her lips pulled into a straight line.

"You're in our way." She spoke strictly; the bane of poison was clear in her tone.

I remained unmoving, as my stare wandered to her side where Eli stood, staring straight into the school and not wavering my way once. I risked glancing down, catching their fingers interlaced, making my heart fall in my chest.

"I uhh-"I swallowed, my feet not moving an inch. It was like the neural messages from my brain which were screaming, "Move out of the way before this get's ugly!" had somehow fizzled on the way down through my body and never made it to my legs. Instead I remained where I stood, blocking the main entrance to the school. My heart constricted painfully and I let out a wheeze. It was all the sound I could manage. Others had begun to form behind Imogen, mumbling curiously to themselves about the weird girl blocking the main entrance.

"_**Why isn't she moving?"**_

"_**Yo dude, this chick looks like she's about to throw up or something!"**_

"_**Are her feet broken, or is she just completely thick?" **_

I blinked, as I felt Ally take hold of my sleeve once more and tug me to the side. "Sorry, we were just talking." She squeezed my arm reassuringly as I remained fixated on Imogen and Eli. _Stay calm...breath, this is what you wanted remember?_

"Maybe find somewhere else to 'just talk' instead of blocking the front door to discuss your bad manicure job." Imogen smirked, her eyes directed toward the hand that Ally had on my arm.

I felt Ally stiffen beside me, as I glanced over to her nails which were now covered in smudged orange nail polish and black fuzzes from my jacket. Telling Ally she was cosmetically challenged at anything was like telling a shark it couldn't swim and this shark was ready to bite back. Imogen had no idea she had just unleashed a brute and livid force in my best friend. Ally's teeth ground just slightly and she released my arm taking a step toward Imogen with a dry laugh. "This coming from the girl who still wears pig tails to school."

"_**Holly shit dude, girl fight!"**_

Imogen didn't back down, in fact her smile grew wider as she made a gesture to move closer to Ally. It was at that moment when Eli jumped into action. He stepped behind Imogen, pulling her back against his chest; one hand on her hip as he whispered in her ear. "Imo come on babe, this doesn't matter."

Only what I was really hearing was "I don't matter" Not to him at least. My thoughts screamed not to be sucked back into the whirlwind of hurricane Eli but I still allowed myself to look up at him. In that split second his eyes caught mine and I stared at him completely shattered.

_Do you really mean that?_

_No._

_Then how could you say it?_

_What else could I have said?_

We never spoke aloud but the words were clear as day just by the simple energy that passed between us. Eli broke our gaze; his lips pressed to Imogen's ear once more, "Let's just go inside okay?"

Imogen leaned back into him, with a embellished sigh of content. "You're absolutely right Muffin."

With one flippant leer directed at me and Ally she turned and allowed Eli to guide her through the front doors.

"_**Ahh man total rip off! I seriously thought someone was going to scratch and eye out."**_

With the heat dyeing down, the students who had eagerly waited behind Imogen, entered the school leaving Ally and I alone.

Ally clenched her hands at her sides, "What a complete and total B.I.T.C.H!"

"Ally-

"Bad manicure job my ass! I swear if it weren't for Eli I would have rang her lanky little neck! What does he even see in her anyway? You're totally better girlfriend material then that tatty little-"

I wrapped my arms around Ally and squeezed her tightly.

She immediately went silent, patting me on the back with care. "Clare, what is this for?"

"For being you." I laughed.

Ally smiled, hugging me back firmly.

"Umm sorry to interrupt, but should I be worried here?"

Ally squealed as Mike Dallas, who had recently materialised on the front steps came toward us. His back pack was slung over one shoulder and he let it slide off his arm and fall in the snow as Ally broke our hug and lunged for him.

They kissed for a few moments and I dug my heals into the snow, staring up at the densely clouded grey sky in order to not seem like a complete and total creep.

"I feel like I haven't seen you in ages." Ally spoke giddily, taking his hand and pulling him up the steps toward me.

"Well with Saunders arm all healed up, coach has been calling double practices to make up for the games we lost when Cam was out."

Ally's face fell in concern, "Mike you're not pushing Cam to hard now that he's back, are you?"

"Al I'm the captain, my job is to push all the players to their fullest. Besides the little squirt could use some discipline."

"Dallas!"

"Bandari!" Dallas joked, raising an eyebrow at Ally. She bit her lip, deciding to let whatever ongoing disagreement they had about Campbell Saunders fizzle out, at least for the time being. Instead she tackled the distance between us, splaying her hands out at Dallas like a show girl as if to say, "TA DA!" but instead saying, "Clare this is my lovely and adorable boyfriend, Mike."

He chuckled, raising a hand out for me to shake, "She's the only one actually allowed to call me Mike though. Friend's usually just call me Dallas."

I smiled, taking his hand and shaking it, "It's nice to meet you Dallas, and I'm Clare Ally's-

"Best friend, trust me I know. She's barely gone an hour since we started dating without telling some crazy story about you two."

I glanced over at Ally who blushed shyly. Mike and Ally had been dating while Ally and I were still in the midsts of our fight. Which meant Ally had never once spoke poorly about me, even during our falling out. I gave her a tender look and she shrugged, "Don't flatter yourself Edwards; I praise a lot of people."

I allowed Ally to sputter on about the many activates she had planned in order for Dallas and I to get to know one another. Only I couldn't help half listen as we entered the school. My mind was much too preoccupied on Eli and Imogen, and what had just taken place out front. Though I was glad to have Ally help me through the first encounter, I knew there would be many more similar run inns; those of which I would eventually have to face alone. The simple thought made my skin crawl with worry, knowing that no amount of sweet talk from Eli would stop Imogen from giving Degrassi students exactly what they wanted...a reason for her to claw my eyes out.

...

Present day

The bell rang just as Hannah and I finished making plans to meet and write the essay later that day.

"So I'll see you tonight?"

I nodded, placing Frankenstein in my bag and making sure to keep myself from looking over to the front end of the class room where Eli and Adam lingered, still gathering their things.

Hannah seemed to be sense how I was feeling. "We're all going out to lunch if you want to come?" she asked.

I shook my head with a sarcastic laugh, "Ohh I'm sure Eli and Imogen would love that."

"Clare come on, what can they really do? Besides Eli knows your our friend too and I want you to come out with us."

"Thanks anyway Hannah, but I think I'll pass."

She pierced her lips, "If you ask me, this whole not speaking thing is totally ridiculous."

I huffed, wanting to say 'well it's a good thing I didn't ask you,' but biting my tongue to keep from doing so. Hannah wasn't the type of girl who withheld how she felt especially when she felt like something was out of place. I knew she was just trying to help bring Eli and me closer together and I respected her effort, even if I deplored it.

After several vain attempts at convincing me to join the group for lunch, she waved me goodbye and joined Eli and Adam at the front of the class. I watched as they began to leave; ready to exit myself as soon as I was sure they were safe distance away.

"Mr. Goldsworthy!"

The three of them paused in the doorway and Eli turned to face Mrs. Dawes who had called out to him from behind her desk. She had her hands folded atop the table, tilting her head at him in an expectant manner. "I have something I'd like to discuss with you." She said, gesturing for him to take a place at the foot of her desk.

I couldn't believe how bad my luck was. Not only was I still trapped in the class room but now I was left with the decision to stealthily sneak past Eli and Mrs. Dawes or awkwardly sweat out their meeting.

Eli's rubbed the back of his neck in confusion, but stepped back into the room telling Adam and Hanna to go ahead without him. As he walked to her desk, He kept his eyes on Mrs. Dawes, although knowing full well that I was still in the room.

I quickly made my decision, and hastily began to weave through the desks toward the exit.

"Miss. Edwards, if you'll also just wait one moment." I came to halt, my shoes squeaked embarrassedly against the tile floors. "This matter concerns you as well."

My grip tightened on my backpack strap, and I slowly turned, catching Eli staring at me in an suspicious manner. It was as if he believed I had somehow planned this meet up, but for whatever reason he could not comprehend. I crossed my arms, sucking back a snide remark. Did Eli really think so little of me now as to imagine I would cultivate some rouse in order to get us alone?

"What's going on?" he asked harshly, glancing between Mrs. Dawes and me.

I narrowed my eyes at him, _How the heck am I supposed to know! _I thought despondingly. He seemed to sense my similar cluelessness about the situation and his judgement disappeared quickly.

Mrs. Dawes nodded for me to come and stand beside Eli and I moved cautiously forward. I had not been in such close proximity to Eli since the kiss on New Years. As I came forward, he sucked in a breath, turning back on his heels and facing Mrs. Dawes. The two of us stood beside one another, stiff as cardboard but still able to feel the heat burning between our hands in the little distance that separated us. I fidgeted uneasily and Eli placed his hand in his pocket to make the tension easier on both of us.

Mrs Dawes; who had no doubt been watching our obvious display of discomfort, sighed and clapped her hands together as if trying to pull us back to our senses. Eli and I attentively straightened, as she leaned closer to us on her desk with an expression that clearly meant business, "As you both know I have done nothing but bend over backward with you two concerning this whole trading partner business."

I gulped, not liking the sound of where this conversation was headed. I had always been on Mrs. Dawes good side, and to recognize the clear annoyance in her tone at this very moment made me wince. From the side of my eye I looked over at Eli who clenched his jaw, clearly feeling the same painful lash of her guilt trip.

"I have never once recanted my rules with anyone. And to have two of my best students disrespect my policy in the lengths by which you two have, leaves me to question you're character as writers."

Eli and I looked at one another in a frenzied disbelief. Mrs. Dawes was our mentor, and to hear that even she had lost faith in us was crushing blow.

"Both of you must understand that in the real world, you will be working with all kinds of people, some you may not always like; but all of which you must learn to tolerate. It is the will to be tolerant of others that broadens one's horizons, and strengthens a person's ability to write and be truly great." She paused, taking a moment to fiddle with her glasses before pulling them above her head to really stare at us with stringent eyes. "I'm not sure where this partnership went wrong, but I refuse to allow such budding minds such as yourselves to be poisoned by the likes of bitter high school mumbo jumbo. "

Eli began to shake his head, "Mrs. Dawes, I don't think-

She placed a hand up, making him go quiet before continuing. "The annual Canadian Young Writers Convention will be taking place in Ottawa this weekend. A good friend of mine from the University there will be hosting and she has asked me to send two of my best students to represent Toronto in the nation wide short story competition."

_This could not be happening,_ I thought as her words quickly began to sink in. I was in a dream, a sick twisted dream where my English teacher had become the antihero profligate meaning to cause my undoing. The colour shed from my face and I let out a nervous laugh of incredulity, "You're not talking about sending Eli and me to the convention are you?"

"Actually that is precisely what I am talking about." Mrs. Dawes answered.

"T-together?" Eli asked flustered, "You want Clare and me to work together...in Ottawa?"

Mrs. Dawes seemed taken aback by Eli's tone but refused to allow his sour mood to faze her, "Yes Mr. Goldsworthy, together as in for a temporary period of time you and Miss. Edwards will be responsible for writing a five thousand words short story on a topic of your choosing. You will create a presentation outlining the basis of said story, and the route by which you two creatively came up with and implemented the idea into words. You will then read an excerpt from your story to the audience and judges. On basis on the presentation and the actual story itself the winner will be chosen. I have no doubt you two will make Degrassi proud."

Eli and I remained silent, attempting to make sense of the situation. After a few seconds Eli spoke up.

"I refuse!" he began, running a stressful hand through his hair, "You can't make us do this!"

"Besides there is no way my mom is going to agree." I added to cement our argument.

"Did I mention that each of the winners receives a five hundred dollar governmental education grant." Dawes added, attempting to lighten our spirits with bribery.

"I don't care about some fancy grant, I said I'm not going!" Eli yelled furiously .

Mrs. Dawes's crossed her arm and relaxed in her chair with a smile, "And this is where I trust my powers of persuasion will come in handy, because if either of you don't go on this trip, you can both consider your partnership reinstated."

"What?" Eli and I both yelled at the same time.

"I teach my pupils responsibility, not to simply go running whenever things get tough. You have been my best students for quite some time now and I do not intend to send any one but the two of you to represent our school. Consider this trip a term of the trade sort of deal."

"What about transportation? We have no way of getting there. So I guess that means we can't go!" I shrugged, beginning to scurry out the room.

"Hold it there Miss. Edwards!" I froze, my shoulders, slumping as I trudged back to the desk. "The school will be covering your train ride there and back as well as hotel accommodations. You will leave Union station Friday morning and return back to the city Monday morning." Mrs. Dawes answered.

"Hotel?" I squeaked, as the thought of Eli and I sharing a room entered my mind. Mrs. Dawes seemed to catch onto this and corrected herself.

"You will obviously each have your own room."

I sighed in relief, glancing at Eli who was still fuming, "So what your saying is we have not choice in the matter?"

"Of course you have a choice Eli." Mrs. Dawes began slyly. "but ask yourself; is a weekend spent with Clare in one of Ontario's most lustrous city's while representing your school at what is known as the most prestigious event nationwide for young adolescents such as yourselves really as bad as spending the rest of the semester together being English partners?"

"This is manipulation." Eli practically growled at Mrs. Dawes. "Your blackmailing us into going, and its wrong!"

"I take that as a no." She answered, standing and beginning to rifle through her desk. She pulled out two pages and a few brochures.

"These are the permission forms; please have them on my desk by the end of the week. The rest are some travelling guides, outlining some sites you may want to explore during times when you are not at the convention."

Eli snatched the pages from her, storming past me and slamming the door behind him. I flinched, taking the pages from Mrs. Dawes with shaking hands. As I reached for them she held on tight, making me look up at her.

"I know you don't understand why I am doing this but trust me it's for your own good."

_Yeah right. Thanks Mrs. Dawes, thanks so much!_

She let me take the package from her and stuff the pages in my bag. "He'll come around, you'll see."

I said nothing as I trudged out of the room and toward my next class. While admits the traffic in the halls, I could hear the students rushing about, as the final lunch bell tolled and everyone made it to their next class. Yet even as I was aware of everything around me, it all somehow felt muddled. Like I was on stage and the puppeteers of my life were staring in on me through the looking glass. They kept taunting over and over again, laughing "Here is the one person you can never have but we're still going to dangle him in front of your eyes anyway just to make you wish you were with him more." I was going to be stuck with Eli for the entire weekend and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

"Clare."

I looked up and found Ally standing in front of me. She had been waiting outside of biology after I texted her with the haunting details of this weekend and immediately ran over upon noticing my distraught expression as I neared the room. I didn't have to say a word; she simply reached out and wrapped her arms around my shaking shoulders. "It'll be okay Clare, it'll be okay."

But Ally was wrong, what happened back in Dawes's classroom was anything but okay.

...

Imogen and I shared only one class together. Geography, which meant I had grown accustom to walking in everyday and meeting her brown eyes peaking their way into my soul as she imagined the best way to dice me up into tiny untraceable pieces and scatter me across the globe. Only today, it was almost like I could feel the actual heat of Imogen's glare as it burned a deep and searing hole through my cardigan and straight into the skin on my back. I had the urge to rip off my top as though it were literally on fire and start rolling on the ground in order to relieve myself of the painful burning sensation. That's just how powerful the negative energy Imogen was transferring over to me felt. I winced at her presence, feeling uncomfortable and knowing that if I turned I would find her sitting behind me, arms crossed and eyes narrowed with her lips curled into a snarl; ready to pounce the moment Miss. Lawrence turned her attention away. I could only think of one reason Imogen was acting this way.

_She knows...Eli told her about Ottawa and now she's definitely out for blood!_

I placed a hand to my cheek, feeling light headed and clammy. All I wanted was to move forward and forget Eli, but how was that possible when everyone around me posed as a constant reminder of him.

I raised my hand, claiming illness and Miss. Lawrence sent me to the nurse where I was left to lie on a grossly uncomfortable leather mattress whist staring up at a hideous stucco ceiling. It took the nurse an hour to come storming in with a frown and the thermometer she had just used to take my temperature. After deducting that I was perfectly healthy to get back to class she sent me on my way and back into the ferocious hands of my puppeteers who obviously hadn't felt like I had been through enough today. Because the moment I was about to turn the corner toward my final class I heard him.

"Wait!"

I stopped short, pulling back against the wall and cautiously peering into the hall where Eli's voice had just come from.

My stomach twisted as I took in the sight of Imogen stumbling down the hall with Eli trailing behind her.

"Imo wait! Would you just wait a minute!" He reached out, taking her arm and pushing her against a locker so that she had no choice but to look at him. "Talk to me." He spoke softly.

"You made your decision Eli!" She had tears in her eyes as she attempted to push free. I knew the feeling of not wanting anyone to see you cry and in that moment felt an intense compassion for Imogen. Aside from our history, she was just another torn up girl with a broken heart, volleying with another woman for the boy she loved. "By all means go to Ottawa, have fun! Hook up with her, I really don't care anymore!"

Eli held Imogen firmly by the wrists, refusing to let her go."I don't have a choice! Mrs, Dawes's cornered me; it was either Ottawa or be Clare's partners again! What was I supposed to do?"

I went stiff as I heard my name. I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but I was drawn to the conversation despite how hurtful it was to hear Eli speak so glibly about me. My feet remained where they stood, allowing the realization that this fight was entirely my fault, coupled with immense guilt to overrun me.

"You're supposed to find a way around it. Not to just give in and go to Ottawa with _her_, especially after everything that has happened! The Eli that I fell for would have schemed the hell out of not going. He'd fight for what he wants but you...you've never fought for me Eli."

"That's ridiculous! Imo, I chose you. I-I love you, doesn't that mean anything?"

She shook her head, peeling herself from his grip, "You know it's not healthy to lie Muffin, even if your only really lying to yourself."

And with that she trudged off, with her head down and tear filled eyes. I held my breath as she came closer and pushed myself farther against the wall but Imogen was too preoccupied with her thoughts to notice. She simply ran past me and continued down the hall not looking back.

"Imo come on!" Eli called after her; he placed his hands on his head, sucking in a strained breath. "Imogen!" When she didn't answer he stood unmoving for a few moments just gazing down the hall. He let his hands fall to his sides clenching them and then in a swift and violent movement he slammed a fist into the locker so hard it made me jump. "Damn it!"

It was in that moment when the absolute worst thing imaginable that could have happened, actually did happen.

My phone began to ring, loud and clear; echoing through the halls and bringing all of Eli's attention to the corner where I was hidden. I gasped, clumsily searching through my bag, "No! no!" I whispered, finally pressing the dismiss button, however, I knew it was too late; he had already heard.

Eli panted deeply, turning toward me, "Is someone there?"

I clenched my eyes shut; glancing to my side for an escape but the only way out was the nurse's office where I would no doubt be chided for attempting to skip class. Cringing, I slowly turned the corner, outing myself. "Hi..." I whispered.

Eli sucked in a breath, his features distorting with disgust.

"Were you listening to us this entire time?" He asked with a crisp tone, full of edge and accusation.

I felt my cheeks heat up, completely humiliated. "I didn't mean to, I was with the nurse and when I came out you two were just there and I would have walked away but you were blocking the only path to my class and I- I paused, looking at my feet guiltily, "I'm sorry." I finished, knowing that nothing I could have said would come close to making up for listening in on such an intimate exchange between he and Imogen.

I waited for Eli to go mad with anger, to reprimand me for what I had done but that didn't happen. Instead he simply hitched his bag off the floor and with a glare, walked past me not saying a word. I sucked in a breathing, biting back a wave of emotion. It was as if he was to tired; to beside himself to waste anymore energy on me and his unflinching silence was worse than any verbal punishment Eli could ever offer.


End file.
